Reconsidering my position on reproducing with the balding gene

[hdude46]

I'm not sure why people bother responding to this guy anymore. He's clearly a miserable person with mental health issues doing his best to make other people in this community feel bad about themselves too.

At the end of the day, arguing with a stranger over the internet is an exercise in futility. The original poster isn't going to change anyone's opinion on anything no matter how hard he tries and I bet the same is true vice versa.

And really why should you? Go out and be happy with YOUR life. I never understood the people who spend countless hours on here bitching and bitching about their plight. I guess it can be some sort of therapy but after a while move on and stop living on a freaking message board.

If hairloss bothers you then do something about it. We have fin, dut, minox, laser therapy, hair transplants, concealers, prp, etc See what works and what doesn't and stick with it. Constantly complaining to internet strangers isn't going to change anything except make the people like me who come here for information annoyed.

Good grief.

[35YrsAfter]

Try being in your twenties and the only balding guy in your social group... then we'll see how accepting people around you are of your baldness.

I started losing my hair when I was 16. It wasn't until I was around 25 that it was noticeable. I've lived through it, condescending remarks and all, at a time when shaved heads were considered odd and not socially acceptable.

35YrsAfter also posts as CITNews and works at Dr. Cole's office
forhair.com
Cole Hair Transplant
1070 Powers Place
Alpharetta, Georgia 30009
Phone 678-566-1011
email 35YrsAfter at chuck@forhair.com
The contents of my posts are my opinions and not medical advice
Please feel free to call or email me with any questions. Ask for Chuck

[Joan]

Fred, I am sorry that you experienced relationships that didn't work out with women on the rebound. You are so, so right about society. Women experience that pressure to look good too (perfect butt, boobs, skin, etc.) And forget about middle-aged women. Botox, facelifts, peels, butt lifts, etc. are what we're expected to have (my opinion). I wish I could be happy in my own skin, like other women I know who are overweight, have spider veins, pouchy abs, etc. and plenty of money to have all the cosmetic surgery they want but don't. I keep myself in excellent shape, but still this hair loss consumes my thoughts almost 24/7. I just can't get past it, and I don't think it's any worse for me than it is for you guys who are young and down because of it.

[fred970]

It's sad we have to wait that women have been emotionally deeply hurt and sometimes broken for them to realise that less attractive (balding) men may be a good option too.

The worst is that those women will often still be in love with their emotionally (and physically) abusive boyfriend.

I'm not talking about you, but I experienced that too many times.

Why can't they get it right the first time and just date a bald guy? Answer: the media, what society tells them, what their female friends tell them, and the fact that women are easily influenced.

[Joan]

A couple of things. First, I am still attracting, at 51, what I consider to be attractive men, for whatever reason. At 30 I didn't feel as though I lowered my standards because of my age. As I said, the emotional turmoil I had gone through made me focus on qualities of importance rather than the external. I was looking for, and found, a lifetime partner with whom I had much in common, among other things. I think it's ignorant and rude of people to tell you not to worry; women won't care when they're older. Of course you want--and should have--an attractive woman your age. I'm just saying that there are women who have been hurt like I had been who would love a guy who respects and accepts her as she is--just my opinion. I know they are probably far and few in between, but they do exist. I know my son will have a hard time attracting women too, and it breaks my heart.

[fred970]

At least you are honest, you just admitted you wouldn't have given a balding guy a second look when your were young.

The thing is, none of us want to wait for those women to have an enlightenment like you had, I'm sure we'd all like women in their prime. You'll reckon that at 30, you were less likely to attract attractive men (that means with hair) like your could in your early 20's and that you may have lowered your standards, consciously or unconsciously.

That's the problem, we hear things like "don't worry, women won't care when they are older", how is that supposed to make us feel better? We hear "you know girls in their prime won't even give you a chance but when they will be old and used-up, they might consider you because their options have become limited!"

[Joan]

So true, Fred. Not one of you here is pathetic. I know I'm much older than you guys (51), but seriously, I do not feel or look (at least that's what everyone tells me--I even got carded in the package store the other day!) my age. My mindset is so much younger. But I will say in all honesty that if I weren't married, I wouldn't care less whether or not a guy had hair. That wouldn't even enter into the picture as far as my attraction to him. Unfortunately, probably many younger women (myself included 30 years ago) feel differently. I was married previously and got divorced when I was 28. I took it very badly and spent two lonely years with no social life. That changed me drastically, making me much less focused on appearances and more focused on things that should have been important to me all along. Baldness would have meant nothing to me the second time around, and I'm sure there are young women who feel that way too.

[fred970]

Thank you Joan. Unfortunately, women our age will never understand our plague unless they go through it themselves like you did, which is unlikely to happen for most of them.

Until then, they will continue to tell us to man up and that it is just hair. And if we try to do something about it (medication, hair transplant, etc.), we're even more pathetic to them and society in general.

I'm not talking about all women of course, but I'm talking about the random woman, the one you take randomly in the crowd will be more likely to behave like that than to be compassionate and understanding, especially in the US apparently, but they're getting there here in Europe too.

[Joan]

I agree with Hellouser. I'm a woman losing my hair (seeing a therapist due to the depression it's causing me), but watching my 18-year-old son lose his is a million times worse than what I'm going through. I'd sacrifice every hair on my head if I could stave off his hair loss at least another 20 years. I feel so guilty for passing this gene on to him--what was I thinking? I truly feel for all of you and share the same negative thoughts that many express here (actually my feelings may even be worse).

[hellouser]

I know someone exactly like that. He has a full head of hair and a negative attitude that has poisoned his life and the lives of people around him. When we really think about it, most everyone has a lot to be thankful for. I attended a wedding last Saturday where all types of people attended. The groom appeared to have a full head of hair with a low hairline and all, but he had significant hair loss in the back. Most men past 40 have some hair loss. Women have come to accept that for the most part. About 60% of the men attending the wedding had hair loss to some degree. I mentioned before, that all the men who work for Dr. Cole have hair loss. Dr. Cole never had any hair loss.

Try being in your twenties and the only balding guy in your social group... then we'll see how accepting people around you are of your baldness.

[35YrsAfter]

There will always be the sad sacks who blame the world or their “bad" genetics or their parents or whatever for the failures in life. They will spend all of their time feeling sorry for themselves and in the end grow old accomplishing nothing. It's a sad way to live.

I know someone exactly like that. He has a full head of hair and a negative attitude that has poisoned his life and the lives of people around him. When we really think about it, most everyone has a lot to be thankful for. I attended a wedding last Saturday where all types of people attended. The groom appeared to have a full head of hair with a low hairline and all, but he had significant hair loss in the back. Most men past 40 have some hair loss. Women have come to accept that for the most part. About 60% of the men attending the wedding had hair loss to some degree. I mentioned before, that all the men who work for Dr. Cole have hair loss. Dr. Cole never had any hair loss.



35YrsAfter also posts as CITNews and works at Dr. Cole's office
forhair.com
Cole Hair Transplant
1070 Powers Place
Alpharetta, Georgia 30009
Phone 678-566-1011
email 35YrsAfter at chuck@forhair.com
The contents of my posts are my opinions and not medical advice
Please feel free to call or email me with any questions. Ask for Chuck

[J_B_Davis]

Isnt this a very low standard for "ok"?

These are the cards we’ve been dealt and there are far worse hands to be stuck playing in this world. There is no such thing as a “low standard” of ok, OK is OK! All that matters is if we are ok with ourselves and the people who we are fortunate to share out lives with.

Most people in this world probably possess what you would consider to be “bad” genetics, yet these people find happiness and success in life. They get married and start families and accomplish great things. There will always be the sad sacks who blame the world or their “bad" genetics or their parents or whatever for the failures in life. They will spend all of their time feeling sorry for themselves and in the end grow old accomplishing nothing. It's a sad way to live.

[25 going on 65]

I wouldn't trade places with him and I know none of us would either I'm just trying to say that his family reproduced with the baldness gene, and he reproduced despite not having excellent genetics and it all turned out ok. If you're bald, and you find a woman you like, and she wants to have kids with you, then you must have turned out ok and your kid will be alright too.

His son is a kid, we will not know if he is ok for years. Most likely he will start balding when he is young but will not have his father's money to make up for it. Unless his dad gives it to him....which he should since his son will probably need it for a lifetime of meds + surgeries

If you're bald, and you find a woman you like, and she wants to have kids with you, then you must have turned out ok and your kid will be alright too.

Isnt this a very low standard for "ok"?

[35YrsAfter]

I wouldn't trade places with him and I know none of us would either I'm just trying to say that his family reproduced with the baldness gene, and he reproduced despite not having excellent genetics and it all turned out ok. If you're bald, and you find a woman you like, and she wants to have kids with you, then you must have turned out ok and your kid will be alright too. I know this is a devastating, unfair part of life, but I don't think it is immoral to reproduce with it.

The majority of men don't want to lose hair, but hair loss doesn't bother all men or women. For example, we had a man in for scar repair resulting from mohs skin cancer surgery. The long scar affected his temple point and beard area. He just wanted to have the beard and temple areas filled in. He is a wealthy happily married Norwood 6. He expressed no desire whatsoever to address his MPB.

Some women prefer bald men because they find them more masculine.

I remember working with brothers only a few years apart in age. Both were Norwood sevens by their early thirties. One was a recluse with no girlfriends and wore a decent looking hairpiece. The other cut his hair short, didn't seem to care about his hair loss, and he always had women. He was short and overweight. Women generally speaking, prefer good character, an upbeat personality and self confidence.

35YrsAfter also posts as CITNews and works at Dr. Cole's office
Cole Hair Transplant
Phone 678-566-1011
The contents of my posts are my opinions and not medical advice

[Mike K]

I wouldn't trade places with him and I know none of us would either I'm just trying to say that his family reproduced with the baldness gene, and he reproduced despite not having excellent genetics and it all turned out ok. If you're bald, and you find a woman you like, and she wants to have kids with you, then you must have turned out ok and your kid will be alright too. I know this is a devastating, unfair part of life, but I don't think it is immoral to reproduce with it.