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  1. #11
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    My .02c
    Quote Originally Posted by mpb47 View Post
    1) That I had said some things that she knew we would never be a good fit.
    It could be subtle things you think nothing of because it is simply who you are. It could have been a comment about politics, or other behavior traits that in the early stages most people purposefully don't show - but can sometimes let slip through innocent and quickly worded exchanges.

    2) She said I was too competitive.
    Simply that you don't take to losing or not doing well. The last gal I dated actually made a point to tell me one of her 'tests' is how a guy does at bowling and his reactions. My heart sunk at this because I am terrible at bowling but I like doing it and it ticks me off to no end that I suck. But I know I suck only because I only go bowling like once every 2 years. We never went bowling but had we, I know I would have changed my attitude purposely because of her comment. Bowling is such a simple sport that no one should really ever take it seriously unless you're actually good. But an overly competitive person will take not react well when they do poorly at something.

    3) She later told me when we met, while a good fit on paper, there was nothing else there. What does this mean exactly?
    That you write a good dating site profile and sounded like you might be interesting, but lack actual hobbies or "life events" that would make you someone fun to hang out with or talk about your past. I think I fall into this same category. I basically have zero stories about the last 13 years of my life and it bothers me. The last girlfriend had a shitton of stories and I internally just felt so boring. I was definitely not without things to do with her that I wanted to do as well as she wanted to do, so that was covered. It was just my past that stunk.


    When she first pulled away I asked her if I was too unattractive
    This was your ultimate failure and what likely made her mind up. If you have no confidence in yourself, you can't have it for her.

  2. #12
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    Don't analyze her comments, analyze her actions. She just wasn't that into you, and so she made up some reasons to rationalize it to you. I doubt that those were the real reasons she didn't like you. She probably just didn't feel any chemistry, which isn't your fault. Try not to agonize over it.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post
    Shit, I don't know man. I think there are other factors at play; the situation is very complicated. In any case, being rejected in such a manner has really destroyed my confidence. It will be a long while before I can put myself out there again. I'm just going to focus on improving myself in the meantime. I hope things work out for you, friend. Just remember you are a great human being and you do not need a woman to complete you. She should only enhance your life. I try to remember these things but it is hard spending night after night alone.
    Well only advise I can say is it's ok to give up for awhile and take a break, just don't take too long like I did. The way with dealing with being alone is to be sure and spend time with friends and hopefully the right girl will come along sooner or later.

    Thanks..don't worry I don't give up! And good luck to you too man!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldozer View Post
    It all comes down to biology. Women have got all the power sexually because they are in high demand while men are not. I read in a blog where a girl was saying that her boyfriend told her to trim down, so she immediately left him. On the other hand, a guy was telling his story that his girlfriend pointed out to him that he was going bald and she would leave him if he ever goes bald, the guy tried to cling on to her nevertheless as he thought he might never get a girlfriend again, and unfortunately his girlfriend did left him. You see the contrast here! A girl can change boyfriends like you change clothes, while a man cannot.
    I think this is true only when you are younger. At time goes on, it's 50-50 least that is the way it appears to me. Now I hear many people saying what you are saying is true all the time when it comes to online dating. I have not done it long enough to form an opinion.

    And concerning your story, its my experience that sometimes when you see a person from a distance, you think, vow that person looks good, but as soon as you meet that person, your perspective changes. Its also true vice/versa, that is someone looks ugly to you from a distance but very good looking face to face. I am not bragging here, but this has happened to me a lot of times. As I am bald, people usually don't see me as good looking if they see me from a distance, but after they meet me, they are surprised, and say how good I look. They especially find my eyes, nose and bone structure attractive.
    Yea that could be it too and she just refused to tell me for whatever reason.

    I have had really unattractive girls be repulsed by my appearance yet had really attractive girls get someone to get me to ask them out. So I really don't know where I stand in that dept. Guess it depends on the other person.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotBelievingIt View Post
    My .02c


    It could be subtle things you think nothing of because it is simply who you are. It could have been a comment about politics, or other behavior traits that in the early stages most people purposefully don't show - but can sometimes let slip through innocent and quickly worded exchanges.
    I really think it had to do something with academics- she is big into that and even though we are in the same field more or less, I am 99% self taught. She asked why I did not have a degree in our field and I told her because at least at the time, they were 20 years out of date and it was a waste of time..and I had seen too many people with both undergrad and masters degrees who couldn't administer a unix server if it hit them in the head. That probably was it right there as you can guess what masters program she just enrolled in.

    Simply that you don't take to losing or not doing well. The last gal I dated actually made a point to tell me one of her 'tests' is how a guy does at bowling and his reactions. My heart sunk at this because I am terrible at bowling but I like doing it and it ticks me off to no end that I suck. But I know I suck only because I only go bowling like once every 2 years. We never went bowling but had we, I know I would have changed my attitude purposely because of her comment. Bowling is such a simple sport that no one should really ever take it seriously unless you're actually good. But an overly competitive person will take not react well when they do poorly at something.
    Honestly most people would not say I was competitive at least at most things. I am only competitive in things that I enjoy for fun, which most of the time are my hobbies. Which in this case, became my career. I a m also competitive if something is important to me, then I do not like to lose. But I don't really think anything is wrong with that as it has got me a good steady job for almost 16 years and has kept me alive.

    That you write a good dating site profile and sounded like you might be interesting, but lack actual hobbies or "life events" that would make you someone fun to hang out with or talk about your past. I think I fall into this same category. I basically have zero stories about the last 13 years of my life and it bothers me. The last girlfriend had a shitton of stories and I internally just felt so boring. I was definitely not without things to do with her that I wanted to do as well as she wanted to do, so that was covered. It was just my past that stunk.
    Ah now You may have hit on something. I don't write a good profile, but rather I had help. A woman helped me and she kinda said the same things you just did. Because I am into so much technical things, that many women would not be into me, because I was not well rounded. And that I was probably in for a long wait. She did say that it was good that I knew who I was and it only would take the right girl for things to work out.

    This was your ultimate failure and what likely made her mind up. If you have no confidence in yourself, you can't have it for her.
    I guess it's confusing to me that I could both be too competitive and lack confidence at the same time. Things I am good at, I have confidence, things I am not, I don't . This was the first attempt at getting back into the dating scene so I probably didn't have confidence. People on these dating sites are always saying you should be your true self. Well I tried that and it didn't work out so well. I have met a few women since this girl and I will say at least they were honest up front they were not into tech types-so I was not left wondering like I was with this girl Thinking about doing a role reversal- faking confidence in normal life stuff and not say a word about my career/hobbies etc. I couldn't hold up that front forever, but maybe long enough for them to like me. Dating shouldn't be this hard...

    Thanks for the comments...

  6. #16
    Senior Member mpb47's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLaughingCow View Post
    Don't analyze her comments, analyze her actions. She just wasn't that into you, and so she made up some reasons to rationalize it to you. I doubt that those were the real reasons she didn't like you. She probably just didn't feel any chemistry, which isn't your fault. Try not to agonize over it.
    That certainly could have been part of it, but I really don't think that is all of it. I really think I stuck my foot in my mouth so to speak. I just realized something else I said. When it comes to things like politics, I don't normally have a strong opinion. But in my field I say what is on my mind. I am not as bad about this as I was say 10 years ago, but still. Anyway somehow the subject of a certain company that makes products in our field came up. They have a reputation of selling overpriced, under performing products. Turns out some of her "degrees" came from this company. Thing is, this would have come up sooner or later and I wouldn't have been able to lie if asked as this company has caused us plenty of trouble at work. Now I would not have cared one bit that she got some of her "degrees" from them, but it wouldn't change how I felt about the company. She may have been sensitive about this..don't know, but I am sure it didn't help me. But I am not going to be in a relationship where I am always going to be walking on a tight rope ether.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shan View Post
    Oh god this is so funny. You know you're an ugly twat BD, stop trying to convince yourself othetwise
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ****ING +1.

    Anyways, if a girl avoids, its easy, she just wasn't into you and is coming up with an excuse as to why. People don't full out say they don't want to be with you cause of the way you look. That may be the case here because she says on paper, you guys match, which means you weren't exactly what she had in mind when she met you. I'm not saying you are ugly, I'm just saying women are picky bitches. And also, if shes doing the online thing, she must've had a whole lotta other people she was talking to at the same time she was talking to you and maybe found a better option in her opinion.

    I had a friend that became a slut after high school and when we use to hang out that during in social events, she was always with a different guy every week or two and she'd tell everyone that they were just friends but I know where shes meeting those guys and how. We all talked about her behind her back which was the funny part and we made fun of her a couple times about it which is why she doesn't hang out with us anymore but whatever, bitch got what had to be said.

    In all honesty, just don't think about it and give her the **** off, just another bitch. Don't be one of those guys where their girls want to take a snapshot together at a restaurant or some shit. I see that all the time and I can't help but laugh to myself at how ***** the guy is to let his girlfriend tell him what to do unless of course he wanted to in the first place then sure why not.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proper View Post
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ****ING +1.

    Anyways, if a girl avoids, its easy, she just wasn't into you and is coming up with an excuse as to why. People don't full out say they don't want to be with you cause of the way you look. That may be the case here because she says on paper, you guys match, which means you weren't exactly what she had in mind when she met you. I'm not saying you are ugly, I'm just saying women are picky bitches. And also, if shes doing the online thing, she must've had a whole lotta other people she was talking to at the same time she was talking to you and maybe found a better option in her opinion.

    Who knows that may have been it , though I really think if it could have been that and the other things I mentioned. It took her months to finally say she was not interested and when she did, she said more than once that a friend of her would be a good match, but never provided any details so I really don't know what she was really thinking.



    In all honesty, just don't think about it and give her the **** off, just another bitch. Don't be one of those guys where their girls want to take a snapshot together at a restaurant or some shit. I see that all the time and I can't help but laugh to myself at how ***** the guy is to let his girlfriend tell him what to do unless of course he wanted to in the first place then sure why not.
    The funny thing is I would forget about her and then she would reappear
    for a week or so, then disappear again. This kept happening every few months. Oh don't worry, I knew better than to get involved at that point as she was too flakey. I just always wanted to know why she wasn't into me. She is really smart but kinda nuts too as her last husband left her. She told his name once and a mutual friend told me he was on local tv from time to time. Well not too long ago I finally saw him and he kinda looked like an older version of me so that could have been it as well. I don't know if she intended it to come out this way, but her updated profile comes off as arrogant. As in don't bother me unless you are smart. Knowing that I would have loved to challenge her to a game of "chess".

    But I have to keep looking but so far I have only found a few that interest me. And like I said earlier they were honest enough to say techs were not their type. When I reject someone online , I normally do not want to hurt their feelings so I tell a white lie that I am trying to date someone else-which was actually true at one point. But if they ever pushed for more details, I would be honest and tell them since I am that way myself. So far none has pushed further..

  9. #19
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    This might sound immature but did you get it in? If so, you've already won. Anyways, I understand how you feel. I re read the whole thread and from what I got is that you haven't liked anyone like her in a long time which is why you may forget about her for a time being and then start thinking about her again. It feels very life consuming because its not something you can control. Its one of those things left unsaid but then it kinda eats away at someone because there must have been some sort of reason. Any justifiable reason.

    At the same time, its what your mind wants to hear. If it hits the wrong reasons, you may believe that the real reason is yet to be told.

    Shes a real haertbreaker that one, to leave it for months continually drifting. If she was drifting during those months, that could have been something. She was too scared to break the relationship but stayed just to see if her feelings or whatever she was thinking changed. But in the end, she didn't find what she was looking for.

    I am the type to get even so when that happened to me in my younger years, I'd feel the need to do soemthing like slash tires or get at someone she knows but after countless relationships, I just now assume that there was nothing I could have done to salvage what was inevitable. At least thats what I tell myself so I don't go creating black eyes.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proper View Post
    This might sound immature but did you get it in? If so, you've already won. Anyways, I understand how you feel. I re read the whole thread and from what I got is that you haven't liked anyone like her in a long time which is why you may forget about her for a time being and then start thinking about her again. It feels very life consuming because its not something you can control. Its one of those things left unsaid but then it kinda eats away at someone because there must have been some sort of reason. Any justifiable reason.
    Yea that's it in a nutshell. And to answer your ? , no never got that far.

    At the same time, its what your mind wants to hear. If it hits the wrong reasons, you may believe that the real reason is yet to be told.
    Well I really did want the real answer, no matter what it was. If it were my looks, well nothing I could do about that-end of story. If something I did I wanted to know so I would not repeat in the future.

    Shes a real haertbreaker that one, to leave it for months continually drifting. If she was drifting during those months, that could have been something. She was too scared to break the relationship but stayed just to see if her feelings or whatever she was thinking changed. But in the end, she didn't find what she was looking for.
    I made friend's with a remote girl on this one dating site. We would trade advise. She would ask me advise about how guys thought and vise versa. We could talk about anything and I mean anything. She asked me about what guys really think about boobs and I told her they were like hypnotizing drugs..that she should a little cleavage, but not too much. I gave her all the info on this girl that I had up till that point and asked what was going on. She said first the fact that she had literally just been divorced was a big no no and no way it would work till some time passed. That I was wasting my time. Secondly, along the lines of what several of you said, she did not think she was into me and just wanted a companion until something better came along. She predicted she would slowly disappear and that's pretty much what has happened. She told she had never done this, but seen some of her girlfriends do it to guys they kinda liked, but not loved.

    I am the type to get even so when that happened to me in my younger years, I'd feel the need to do soemthing like slash tires or get at someone she knows but after countless relationships, I just now assume that there was nothing I could have done to salvage what was inevitable. At least thats what I tell myself so I don't go creating black eyes.
    Well I never really believe in physical violence or anything like that- except against former bullies in high school And yes I head locked one of them and did give him a black eye and even that was to just get him to leave me alone.

    Speaking of which, I am highly sensitive to arrogance because my parents made me go to a 90210 type of high school. It drives me more than money ever could and has been both a help and a hindrance. If I were to do anything , it would be to prove to her that you don't have to have certain degree to be smart. And I wouldn't do it to be mean per say, but rather to get her to change her attitude. I did not pick up on her attitude till I read her updated profile recently. Then I remembered when I first realized she was really smart and said so, she replied that she was the smartest person she knew among her friends. Well several of my friends have said that about me, but I certainly would not go around saying that about myself. Should have picked up on that but I didn't.

    The girl at work I mentioned earlier in the thread is in Mensa, but she NEVER - to this day has told me this. I found out only because I picked up on her IQ and asked her supervisor.

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