life is shitty right now...

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  • silverson
    replied
    TLDR - This isn't intended for anyone, but some of the comments in this thread got me wanting to talk a bit. It's long, but I try not to ramble.

    I'm a singer in an alternative rock band which plays original music. The particular genre we're in favors male singers who are both attractive in the face and somewhat androgynous in appearance. I have a female-ish voice and everything was perfect for this band - great songs, great players, a fanbase, style, etc etc.

    Then my hair starts balding. On top. That simply doesn't work. I cannot be balding and play this kind of music, appeal to these sorts of fans - like it or not, the image of a man changes the perception of him in totality.

    It sucks. I'm very disappointed at the timing of this condition.

    My long, stylish hair is now a thing of the past, as I have shaved my head to reveal my baldness. But I will continue to play music. I will start a band in which either a shaved head or crazy, overgrown and balding appearance will work and keep doing some form of what I love to do - like many others before me. Beyond that, I will continue to better myself and enjoy life as much as possible for the time I have left.

    I encourage anyone who feels defeated by their baldness to focus on getting their mind, body and spirit into shape. Be academic, be creative, experience your existance beyond the social constructs which you may be used to. Whether this is reading philosophy, taking night classes, joining a church or a non-for-profit organization, or even joining the local YMCA - make some kind of positive and progressive change in your life.

    Even one small step could send you on a path that ultimately offsets any of the negative qualities of being bald. That doesn't mean you wouldn't look better with hair, or that you won't think about your baldness every day of your life - it just means that you'll be ok.

    Bon Iver


    Built to Spill


    Michael Stipe


    The Jealous Sound


    Samiam


    When I think of successful bald people whom I admire, these guys stand out. They are not necessarily my favorite musicians, but they are real artists who chose not to let their baldness remove them from the spotlight. I never thought much about that until I started losing my hair.

    Sorry if I sound preachy :/

    Leave a comment:


  • NateDog
    replied
    I need to practice more what I preach Winston lol

    I keep harping on about this but I would love to shave my head if it werent for a few insecurities I hold within myself. Shaving isnt for everyone but imagine embracing it. Honestly thinking about it where I am I would be the mantis as no one else does it

    Issue: HT scar (how do you explain that sh1t to your loved ones)

    Also buzzed to a number 2 or 1 itll be freaky to see what the hair looks like and whether its fully noticeable the thinner areas

    Apart from the above once you find that happy medium and can get out there and go swimming and ride my motorcycle and go enjoy life without having to make decisions based on how I feel about my hair. That is when I will be free and I hope to be there soon

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  • Winston
    replied
    Right on Nate! Attitude is 90% of the battle. We all have to try to accept the situation that we’re in and do what we can to make the best of it. I think that this is what this forum is all about. Sure there will be some extreme personalities popping up here and there, but I think this is the most positive forum on the internet and by far the most respectable. The information on here is vast and helps a lot of people including myself. Fixedby35 can be a bit of a downer but sadly this is the way that he feels about losing his hair. I don't aggree with him, but he’s the one who’s suffering, I guess he just likes to vent here.

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  • NateDog
    replied
    There are so many balding guys in the world that live forfilled lives and are very very happy. The question is are you ready to accept your fate (do what you can via meds sure) but then let nature or time look after the rest. You can be damn sure they arent on these forums listening to Fixed_35 tell them they are ugly and should take a number in the welfare line.

    Fact: Girls don't mind bald in fact some love it and will gravitate to you providing you are clean and well groomed. The people on here that say girls would take a full headed hair guy over bald really are talking through a hole in their head as that would mean bald guys would all be single and lonely (clearly not the case).

    You can have a HT thats fine or wear a wig do whatever you feel you need to.

    Biggest thing is to not get or let yourself spiral into self pity and self loathing

    Sure you can do all you can to keep what you have but do not get into the debates of thinking hair is the only thing worth living for

    Leave a comment:


  • Adam4210
    replied
    Originally posted by Boondock
    I agree with a lot of what 35's saying, but personally I would wear a wig before I chose to isolate myself from society because of baldness. A wig is a radical solution but cutting yourself off from the world is going way further along the road of craziness.

    Placing your hope in a 'cure' five years from now is, in my view, completely at odds of your claims to be a 'realist'. A realist would accept that while there is a chance of a cure being available in this time period, there are so many variables and uncertainties at play that you can by no means be sure of it. Planning your future on uncertainty is setting up a huge risk if your bet doesn't come good.

    I agree that hair loss is a big deal for many people. There are guys who look great with the shave, and more power to them. For the rest of us, it is a big deal.
    I would definitely isolate myself from society before I even dared of wearing a wig. I would much rather be laughed at for going bald then wearing a rug on my head.

    I also think hair loss is a big deal to EVERYONE. I could not imagine someone who is going bald and doesn't really care at all.

    I was a lot happier when I wasn't going bald in social situations. When I hang out with people I can't stop thinking about my hair(even though I am in the very early stages of balding and you can't really tell I am balding, but I know I am). I wish I could just have fun with my friends and have a good time, but I have mostly secluded myself from the friends I used to hang out with on a daily basis. The occasional time I do hang out with them all I can think about is my hair and how it looks or if the wind blows and now it looks terrible. I just hate it. I really do. I want to go back to having fun with my friends without thinking about my damn hair. This sucks. I also feel I will never find the perfect girl for me because of this. I am a pretty good looking guy and I would look SO much better without my receding hairline and a thicker, fuller head of hair (on top). It just sucks that this is happening to me in my early 20's. I feel so helpless. What makes it worse is NONE of my friends are dealing with this so I essentially feel like a huge social outcast. It is always on my mind when I am with other people. It is sad when the happiest I am is when I am alone, but at the same time I am miserable because I can't have fun the way I used to be able to.

    My hair loss isn't THAT bad. I still have hair on the top of my head and no apparent bald spot. I know it is thinning on top and it is getting worse. I also have had the dreaded receding hairline since I was about 18. It really is a terrible thing to deal with.

    Leave a comment:


  • Boondock
    replied
    I agree with a lot of what 35's saying, but personally I would wear a wig before I chose to isolate myself from society because of baldness. A wig is a radical solution but cutting yourself off from the world is going way further along the road of craziness.

    Placing your hope in a 'cure' five years from now is, in my view, completely at odds of your claims to be a 'realist'. A realist would accept that while there is a chance of a cure being available in this time period, there are so many variables and uncertainties at play that you can by no means be sure of it. Planning your future on uncertainty is setting up a huge risk if your bet doesn't come good.

    I agree that hair loss is a big deal for many people. There are guys who look great with the shave, and more power to them. For the rest of us, it is a big deal.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fixed by 35
    replied
    I wouldn't say it's a self esteem issue. I have a lot of confidence in myself. There are a lot of things worse than being ugly and disfigured, like being retarded or blind.

    I'm just a realist when it comes to social relations. I have far more chance of success working for myself and avoiding social contact than I do interacting with people, who are inherently judgmental, on a daily basis.

    I spent years letting my baldness hold me back, being passed over for promotion with people with far more on their head than in it. Now I don't have to worry about being unfairly treated anymore.

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  • jooder
    replied
    My last post was obviously tongue in cheek...... however, i do feel that you have some sort of mild mental illness.
    Only leaving your house for food and referring to yourself as disfigured and ugly is not good. I wouldnt wish that kind of self esteem on my worst enemy. Hopefully things change for you.......but cutting yourself off from society is not the answer.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fixed by 35
    replied
    No medication for me. I'm just on the up since I quit my job and haven't had to leave the house for a month. Well, to clarify, I work for myself and only have to go out for food.

    It means I'm now the master of my own destiny, so it doesn't matter that I am disfigured and ugly. My success no longer depends upon the prejudice of some floppy haired prat of a boss.

    Leave a comment:


  • jooder
    replied
    Originally posted by Fixed by 35
    Oh you are so naive.

    Look, I'm in a happy place right now, but unlike you I can't be knocked off my perch, because I have both accepted baldness and ugliness and learned of a way to live with it. Until you reconcile the fact that you're bald and ugly, there's always a risk for you to relapse.

    I've learned that my appearance is inconsequential which allows me to be a realist and an optimist at the same time.
    Glad to see the medication is working..... you are seeming much more positive. Well done for asking for help

    Leave a comment:


  • Fixed by 35
    replied
    Oh you are so naive.

    Look, I'm in a happy place right now, but unlike you I can't be knocked off my perch, because I have both accepted baldness and ugliness and learned of a way to live with it. Until you reconcile the fact that you're bald and ugly, there's always a risk for you to relapse.

    I've learned that my appearance is inconsequential which allows me to be a realist and an optimist at the same time.

    Leave a comment:


  • jooder
    replied
    It really is sad to watch 'fixedby35' decline into mental illness....

    ''The interaction with others is also far more simple than people sometimes like to suggest. It can be summed up in one line. Mature people don't consciously care about your hair loss, but sub-consciously they do. (I guess that's why so many women post that bald is sexy on the internet, then go out with a man with hair)''

    Maybe women post that bald is sexy because they actually like it. Full stop.

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  • Fixed by 35
    replied
    So, when your hair gets worse and worse...this can be incredibly annoying and life changing. You have to change who you are. The image you want of yourself dies and you become someone you don't want to be.
    This raises an interesting point about why baldness is depressing, especially at a young age. For those of us who started losing hair at the beginning of our 20s, or even earlier, it's worth bearing in mind it happened just as we were 'setting out in the world.'

    For all our friends, I would assume, everything was on the up. Education, careers, independence. For us, though, this was all tainted with baldness. So, remember, even when we get over it later, we still had a tainted youth spent worrying about the sort of thing that a 50 year old should be worrying about.

    But why, some people may ask, is baldness so bad. Well, think about it. Baldness is a sign of aging and aging is a sign of death. It's a bit depressing when the first signs of death appear before you've even left school! I'm not sure if there are any comparisons, but I guess as it's an appearance thing it might be worth asking how someone would like to start dressing like their father when they reach 20.

    So, baldness is a decline at the starting line. We're like the racehorses who back out at the starting gate!

    I think the other fear is perception. It's all very well saying baldness is no big deal, but I think subsconciously it is for a lot of people. I think a lot of people fear those who shave their heads and do not get a positive first impression when they meet them; that's not helpful at a job interview. All we want to do is conform, but instead we have a look that is intimidating. No one wants to intimidate others in a way that they cannot control.

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  • Fixed by 35
    replied
    I'm not depressed. I'm just a realist, that's all.

    I've come to terms with the fact that I have a second rate scalp, that occasionally it will be a set back and occasionally it won't and best of all, I have a free pass to be a slob because nothing, absolutely nothing, will do any good. I can focus on study, you know - the internal stuff, because the external stuff is a lost cause and shouldn't matter anyway.

    I've also reminded myself that although I'll never be pleased with my appearance, I was never really someone who cared much about appearance before 'it' started! I don't need to be panicked into going to the gym or shaving my head, because I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. My response to anyone who thinks 'thinning hair, yuck, shave it off!' is simple; could you be bothered to cut your hair three times every single week for the rest of your life, just to please others?

    The best thing about my new philosophy is there's no chance of relapse. I'm not one of those fools who thinks anyone can look good bald. They're setting themselves up for a fall sometime in the future when they have doubts about their theory. On the other hand, I've learned to be ugly and to not allow it to prevent me being successful. I have no cherished thoughts that are easy to undermine, I am now bullet proof.

    Best of all, I also have optimism. I expect to be balding for five more years. Then one of the research companies, such as Histogen which recently raised double the capital they were looking for in their Series A issue which closed this week, will bring out the cure. I'll go from unsightly and bald to just ugly and hairy. And if I focus the next five years on study, then my future is very bright.

    I'll be a qualified lawyer with a full head of hair! Or, if Histogen let me down, at least as a British lawyer I'm expected to wear a wig at work!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • KeepTheHair
    replied
    Originally posted by st3v
    Wow, this thread is so depressing... Guys, get over it.

    YOUR THOUGHT PROCESSES are the cause of your problems, not your baldness.
    No.

    As my hair has been getting better so have my mental state. Humans operate in the following manner(this is going to sound stupid/crazy): If an experience stays constant it gets "boring" etc and they aren't happy with it anymore. We always seek improvement. So, when your hair gets worse and worse...this can be incredibly annoying and life changing. You have to change who you are. The image you want of yourself dies and you become someone you don't want to be.



    I agree though, this whole thing and thinking about it doesn't really make it any better. People really should just try to move on....but I don't blame them for not being able to. Hair loss really sucks. Saying baldness is not the cause here is just simply ignorant.

    Leave a comment:

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