----struggling with hair loss----

[montreal6130]

It's a funny thing. My brain tells me all the right things:

'losing hair is genetic and out of your control'
'it is normal for men to lose their hair and thin'
'you hair is not what defines you'
'women don't actually care about your hair'

Yet, my heart, chest & stomach seem to send me much different messages. Roughly translated they sound like this:

'oh no! I'm losing my hair!'
'i won't be attractive anymore!'
'women aren't going to love me'
'i don't want to go out'

Basically, it's not my brain that needs changing but rather my heart, chest and stomach. My brain can say what it wants but those other 3 aren't buying any of it just yet.

Fundamentally this whole process for me is about acceptance & self-love which I am shocked to learn through my hair of how lacking I am in both. If I truly accepted myself for how I was created and loved myself this process would be much more simple. But it isn't.

[philippe]

this process is a difficult one. who's to say why some deal with it better than others...some men/women with hairloss either don't mind because they accept themselves wholly, flaws and all, and others simply don't seem to notice. how can one not notice?? i know guys who are thinning and balding and they don't give it a thought...it just does not get in the way of their self confidence. does this make them better than you? no. everyone deals the way they deal and it's subjective. i do find a correlation in how i perceive hairloss and what i think others think about my own hairloss, by which i mean, yes, i find hairloss a weakness in myself and because i do i automatically agree others must see it that way as well...this is me being honest. now, when i say "weakness" i don't really know how to define that...i don't feel i am any less of a person, in fact i am confident in myself and my appearance even with hairloss...but a deeper component of my ego feels that losing hair is some weak component and this translates to my thinking others think i am somehow weaker for having this problem. it all sounds freudian...i know...but i think therein lies a lot of the turmoil for hairloss sufferers. yes, clearly the aesthetic part is at the forefront, but in at a close second is the thought "hairloss only happens to people who are weak or deficient in some way." at least i am still working my way through this process...but after losing hair now for about 7 years and thinning more every year i am finding myself accepting it more and more and this makes it easier. i have tried fin and it was not for me...rogaine for years but at a certain point i said "**** it." i am pumping all this shit into my system and as someone who is very athletic and fit otherwise i could not continue taking these chemicals. good luck with your process and stay open and don't hide your feelings and don't hide your hairloss from others...i say this because the more you hide (i did for years w/ concealers) the more you feel inauthentic and it just makes the whole process more difficult.

[BigThinker]

It's a funny thing. My brain tells me all the right things:

'losing hair is genetic and out of your control'
'it is normal for men to lose their hair and thin'
'you hair is not what defines you'
'women don't actually care about your hair'

Yet, my heart, chest & stomach seem to send me much different messages. Roughly translated they sound like this:

'oh no! I'm losing my hair!'
'i won't be attractive anymore!'
'women aren't going to love me'
'i don't want to go out'

Basically, it's not my brain that needs changing but rather my heart, chest and stomach. My brain can say what it wants but those other 3 aren't buying any of it just yet.

Fundamentally this whole process for me is about acceptance & self-love which I am shocked to learn through my hair of how lacking I am in both. If I truly accepted myself for how I was created and loved myself this process would be much more simple. But it isn't.

I think going out, pursuing women, and keeping intimate relations with women throughout the hair loss process would keep most guys grounded (listening to their "brain", as you said).

It's our own insecurities that we dwell on and think we see if every aspect of our life when, in reality, most of them are never nearly as bad as we paint them.

[baldy1990]

losing hair is genetic and out of your control=yes so it's logical to thinkh no! I'm losing my hair!

it is normal for men to lose their hair and thin=yes but not all,only the unlucky ones,it depends what age you are too,it's not attractive so it's logical to think i won't be attractive anymore

you hair is not what defines you=every aspect of you defines you and your hair are a big part of your appearance,appearance defines you very much,the problem is you start to not like a part that defines you so it's logical to think women aren't going to love me cause if you would love every aspect that defines you,you would believe that women would love you too but you dont so you think women wont love you too

women don't actually care about your hair=yes they dont,only you care for your hairloss,nobody cares if you are pretty or ugly.People may notice it but they dont care so it's logical to think i don't want to go out cause you feel depressed or embarassed cause someone will see your weakness and you dont want to

so you are not crazy,you have a problem that you must face it and be true to it

[dex89]

women don't actually care about your hair=yes they dont,only you care for your hairloss,nobody cares if you are pretty or ugly.People may notice it but they dont care so it's logical to think i don't want to go out cause you feel depressed or embarassed cause someone will see your weakness and you dont want to

First appearance counts, especially if your balding or not, for CERTAIN women. For example, last week, in the group of men I hang out with, each of them bring different girls weekly and this new one came around that my friend had known for several years. I only seen her twice and we had flirted a bit but nothing to serious, not till Tuesday night. My friend had invited another guy friend over and I heard they had flirted with each other a couple a weeks later. She doesn't remember because she was intoxicated, so, he comes around. She see's him and looks at me saying "****ed no, his ugly".

This gentleman wasn't ugly but he was a NW 2.5 and skinny, I ignored her and went to my bathroom break. I was keeping my distance from her because that was rude but she kept on getting close to me. Later on the night, she wanted to sleep over at my house but I denied her because she was to drunk to intercourse, so I followed her ass home safely. Don't worry, I did destroyed her following Friday and Saturday. I do believe that men with better appearances is an advantage when first meeting a female. Hair, body physic, and fashionable clothing. I am not sure what gave me an advantage but I am assuming it was because my NW wasn't that high? I could be wrong though.

[NotDyingBald]

this process is a difficult one. who's to say why some deal with it better than others...some men/women with hairloss either don't mind because they accept themselves wholly, flaws and all, and others simply don't seem to notice. how can one not notice?? i know guys who are thinning and balding and they don't give it a thought...it just does not get in the way of their self confidence. does this make them better than you? no. everyone deals the way they deal and it's subjective. i do find a correlation in how i perceive hairloss and what i think others think about my own hairloss, by which i mean, yes, i find hairloss a weakness in myself and because i do i automatically agree others must see it that way as well...this is me being honest. now, when i say "weakness" i don't really know how to define that...i don't feel i am any less of a person, in fact i am confident in myself and my appearance even with hairloss...but a deeper component of my ego feels that losing hair is some weak component and this translates to my thinking others think i am somehow weaker for having this problem. it all sounds freudian...i know...but i think therein lies a lot of the turmoil for hairloss sufferers. yes, clearly the aesthetic part is at the forefront, but in at a close second is the thought "hairloss only happens to people who are weak or deficient in some way." at least i am still working my way through this process...but after losing hair now for about 7 years and thinning more every year i am finding myself accepting it more and more and this makes it easier. i have tried fin and it was not for me...rogaine for years but at a certain point i said "**** it." i am pumping all this shit into my system and as someone who is very athletic and fit otherwise i could not continue taking these chemicals. good luck with your process and stay open and don't hide your feelings and don't hide your hairloss from others...i say this because the more you hide (i did for years w/ concealers) the more you feel inauthentic and it just makes the whole process more difficult.

Excellent way of describing it mate, thatīs exactly how i feel about hairloss. I know that i have a lot much to offer than my hair, i feel confident about who i am, but hairloss just hits a certain point that makes us crash down.

I think itīs also because of the little we can do about it. Despite the treatments available and the fact that many many men benefit from it, i still think hairloss is kind of self esteem cancer.

Forgive me the comparison, of course no one is going to die directly to hairloss and people who had/has cancer or in some way deals with it(relatives, friends) may consider it offensive but i hope you understand what i mean. Itīs not literally of course.

But hairloss its there, and you its going to progress, for us who unfortunately cares about it, itīs hard.

Also the treatments available makes it hard, because FIN may have bad side effects, because it can cause shed, because it may simple not work. And if it works you dont know when, and you still may shed,and other things. All stuff around hairloss its difficult to deal with. And the new treatments always delayed, and the results not good as expected.

Theres a lot of stuff that makes it hard. Itīs not simply to accept now or later the hairloss..It just goes and goes..I have been through many different states of mind because hairloss. I had those moments when i though "that terrible!, i really bald" months later, "its not that bad, no one notices, its in my head". And all this messes up with our self esteem, no matther how confident we are or not about ourselves, its difficult to deal with.

[Soxfaninfl]

My ex girlfriend told me she wouldn't have gone out with me if I was bald or going bald. She even told me bald men contact her all the time on the dating site that she was on, but she ignored them. I was turned of by that even though I have a full head of hair, and you can't tell I lost anything. I was pissed when she said that to me. I had another girl contact me on a different dating site, and I was about to respond to her when I saw what she wrote on her profile. She wrote "not interested if your bald". It was a total ****ing turn off. What if I decided to stop taking fin. Well at least I know how she would have felt if I quit fin, and we started to date.