When your youth is gone...

[Weedwacker]

Those of us who lose our hair very young often find ourselves in a difficult emotional situation. Hairloss, like skin wrinkling, is supposed to be something that happens in our later years. Unfortunately, because of the defect of male pattern baldness, some of us are struck by this condition in our teens or early twenties. What is a guy to do when he looks like he is 40 when he is actually 22? It seems this is the biggest problem for most fellas here. The mindset which results and subsequent psychology of 'suddenly' looking much older seems to be unbearable for many premature domers.

Is looking old for your age the hardest aspect of premature balding? Or, is it something else? Perhaps it's the fact we look less attractive. Or, maybe it's the fact that we look so different from the way we used to look. Perhaps there are other reasons as well. I ask everyone here, what is the major problem caused by hairloss?

I grew up in the U.S. on the East coast of the small state of Massachusetts. When I was 24, and wearing a hairpiece, I lived in an apartment (flat) about 150 yards from the beach. At night, I would go for walks on the beach alone to relax and think about life. I would look out at the ocean and across the bay at the lights in the distance, often thinking about a girl I had known. Much of the time I would try to grasp the 'different' feeling I felt not only about myself, but about the world in general. It wasn't necessarily a feeling of misery or depression, it was just different. Things didn't seem normal anymore after I lost all my hair by age 21; however, I was never able to pinpoint why. I just had a atrange feeling I didn't have when I had my hair. Could this be related to the loss we feel when we lose our hair, specifically, a part of ourselves?

[DallasTreado]

Those of us who lose our hair very young often find ourselves in a difficult emotional situation. Hairloss, like skin wrinkling, is supposed to be something that happens in our later years. Unfortunately, because of the defect of male pattern baldness, some of us are struck by this condition in our teens or early twenties. What is a guy to do when he looks like he is 40 when he is actually 22? It seems this is the biggest problem for most fellas here. The mindset which results and subsequent psychology of 'suddenly' looking much older seems to be unbearable for many premature domers.

Is looking old for your age the hardest aspect of premature balding? Or, is it something else? Perhaps it's the fact we look less attractive. Or, maybe it's the fact that we look so different from the way we used to look. Perhaps there are other reasons as well. I ask everyone here, what is the major problem caused by hairloss?

I grew up in the U.S. on the East coast of the small state of Massachusetts. When I was 24, and wearing a hairpiece, I lived in an apartment (flat) about 150 yards from the beach. At night, I would go for walks on the beach alone to relax and think about life. I would look out at the ocean and across the bay at the lights in the distance, often thinking about a girl I had known. Much of the time I would try to grasp the 'different' feeling I felt not only about myself, but about the world in general. It wasn't necessarily a feeling of misery or depression, it was just different. Things didn't seem normal anymore after I lost all my hair by age 21; however, I was never able to pinpoint why. I just had a atrange feeling I didn't have when I had my hair. Could this be related to the loss we feel when we lose our hair, specifically, a part of ourselves?

There is a lot in your post man.... I was in the same situation as you. Hair pretty much gone by age 21 - some fuzz up top, but basically a NW 5 or so. Now I am 42 and a NW6+. In those dark days there wasnt much to do about hair loss. Minox was there, but it did zeerrro for me.

All of what you say applies to me. I remember even going to a therapy session and therapist, not really knowing what to tell a balding teenager told me it was like mourning over the loss of someone. I thought it was silly at the time, but now it seems true in retrospect. The person I lost was me - the kid with big dreams, thinking the world would work out to his advantage because he was so nice, smart, ambitious and even handsome. For me the main part was no longer looking good (in my view) rather than looking old.

Guess you are older than 24 now, not sure how old. The funny thing now is that for every time when I was in my 20s and I was told I looked much older, now with no hair and what little I have shaved I often get told I look much younger than 42 (but certainly not 21.... ). Also I am better equipped to deal with hairloss that the guys undergoing it now...

We all have big dreams for ourselves and the loss of hair made me too timid to pursue mine - until much later, by which time those were no longer dreams, but compromises and shadows of the dreams I once had.

But I dont let that all get me down anymore. My hairloss doesnt bother me... what bothers me is that i have passed my super genes on to two nice boys who will soon mostly likely go through the same thing. For me that is the hardest thing now. I visit the forum here for them rather than myself. Only Histogen or the elusive "in 5 years" treatment is going to bring me back into the land of the hairy!

[clee984]

I'd like to echo what the poster above ^^ said (and I'm sure your boys will be ok, how old are they now?). I really appreciate the calm, un-histrionic nature of the original post, and agree wholeheartedly with the content.

I was always chronically shy when I was a kid, unlike my parents and my sisters. I never even had birthday parties, because I hated being centre of attention. Don't misunderstand me, I wasn't a social outcast or anything, I had lots of friends, I just couldn't put myself in the spotlight. And I'd think, it's fine, no problem, I'll get over it, my time will come.

Then, age 21, BAM, I started losing my hair, and I was devastated, because you feel like your life is coming to an end before it's properly started. It's like, things aren't ok anymore, and they'll never be ok again. I can never get back to where I was, and it's only going to get worse.

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for guys who start losing it at 14, or 15.

The other thing about hairloss is the powerlessness. It isn't like being overweight, which a lot of people seem to equate it to, because you can do something about that. It's not necessarily about looking older, it's the unfairness of it: Why me? What did I do?

I once read a book by a Sri Lankan professor (can't remember his name) about amputees, and how withdrawn and "un-complete" they feel after losing an arm or a leg, and they often feel itching in their "phantom limb". It was sad. Maybe hairloss is a bit like that, to a lesser degree.

Sorry to be all maudlin, the original post just spoke to me

[whynot]

I'm in total, empathetic agreement with you all.. There's a visceral feeling of helplessness, of your body betraying you. There's something that ought to be there, but it's not anymore.

I started losing my hair at around 20 - I began to notice at 22. As soon as I truly realized what was happening, I felt like a Methuselah among the young people. Ancient. Impotent. All the while, I'm in perfectly good health, have tons of friends...you know the deal.

[whynot]

That last bit looks kind of strange. I was trying to communicate the total dimorphic power of hair loss over a person's life.

I just want to say that I'm really, really grateful to Weedwacker for having posted this thread. With all this talk of new treatment, successful treatment, over the last year or more, I've been thinking about the possibility of regaining my hair, and what that really means. What do we regain by getting our hair back? What have we lost as individuals?

[Weedwacker]

Thanks; I am 34 years old. I agree with the sentiments posted here. Indeed, baldness does make one feel powerless. When I was 17, and first began balding, I felt as though there was something very wrong with me. I was just too young. I must admit that, because of my premature hairloss, I didn't go through a normal maturation process like my friends did; rather, I was isolated. I think, perhaps, this has had an effect on me, even now. I have always been a rather reserved and quiet person, and I believe baldness made this much worse. When I was younger, I just did not feel like socializing with people; I wanted to be alone.

I have accepted hairloss now; furthermore, I admit that it's not the end of the world. It did take me a long time to adjust to it, primarily because of the mourning phase. I look different than I did with hair;however, I buzz the hair short and don't mind it as much now. Interestingly, even to this day, I still have that 'different' feeling when I look in the mirror; something just does not look or 'feel' right. I still can't figure it out. Prematurely losing my hair definately changed me, perhaps in ways I cannot understand.

When I think back to my younger years, and remember the strange feeling in my gut - during which time I was losing my hair, I am glad those days are over with. I often reflect on those days of isolation, during which I was confused. Hairloss does cause strange psychological issues and feelings - most of which cannot be explained to people who have not gone through it. The process is a loss - something that has a greater impact than society would like to believe.

[DallasTreado]

Interestingly, even to this day, I still have that 'different' feeling when I look in the mirror; something just does not look or 'feel' right. I still can't figure it out. Prematurely losing my hair definately changed me, perhaps in ways I cannot understand.

I understand that, definitely... for years I couldnt believe I was that guy in the mirror. Especially after having come to terms with it somewhat. I started feeling confident again with myself and just sort of imagined myself as a guy with hair. The mirror was a shock (when I even looked in it ... or didnt distort my vision on purpose not to see... you all know what I mean).

I can look at myself now. And I am old enough to see the humor in it and even the good side - I am soooo much more accepting of my own and other's flaws than I was.

That said, if I suddenly woke up with hair, I would be running down the street like Homer Simpson in the Dimoxinil episode - you all know the one I am sure.

But honestly, I think I would be the same person I have become - just with hair. It would be cool to have a choice in hairstyle again - it has been so long!

[Rupi]

This thread has been the most valuable read on this site so far ! I agree that it effect us so much because without hair we just wont look as good as we do now. I am 28 and starting to lose hair, I am doing all I can to save it. So I can look back and say hey I tried.

I think after reading this, something activated in me which will prepare me what is coming down the road. I keep telling myself that I will be fine, if I can keep my hair till I am 40 or so. But I think I am in denial and going bald at 40 would be just as disastrous to my self esteem. Although after reading this, I think the older we get the better we get to deal with life situations. Also by 40, I would have kids and they would keep my mind of off my hair ... oh and hopefully they will get my wife's gene when it comes to hair

[t-bone]

I really enjoyed reading your post and all the comments!
I was a male model and at 21 i slowly started to thin out.It was devastating!
I had a friend who was a breakout star and lost all his hair within 2 yrs. his management dropped him and he lost his confidence and the last I heard he was waiting tables.

[ohlife]

Ok, good thread - here's my take.

Let's face it - being bald, even having a considerably receding hairline, limits the chances of one 'standing out'; of having a unique 'look'. All this means, basically, is that the 'bald' or 'horseshoe' look is so common that people subconsciously lump all these people in one character - one bald guy looks exactly like the next bald guy etc. It's thus probably contrary to intuition: rather than recession or baldness making one stand out, it in fact makes one 'blend in' to the extent that one becomes obsolete to strangers. Of course, this isn't to say that hair is the be all and end all of popularity, respect or even looks in some cases - more often than not however, it takes away from ones 'overt' character; it diminishes one's charm.

Why is this such a problem for the individual? why is the feeling of banality, as opposed to sheer embarrassment, a big problem? I think, the same reason why baldness affects young people the worst. I think when you're young, there's an inherent tendency to think of yourself as 'special' in some way - as having something to 'give' to the world; even for those who are already low on confidence, there is always the hope that somehow you can leave your mark on the world. Now, I think when you're hair starts going, your physical appearance becomes so damn commonplace that the persuasiveness of youth has, out of no where, evaded you. Like some others here, I don't think its simply 'looking worse' that sums up the problem; its looking 'past your use-by date' that hammers it home.

[AgainstThis]

Truer words have never been spoken ohlife.

[Rupi]

Hey ohlife, after reading first few lines of you "take" , I STOPPED reading. This one was thread on here that was actually uplifting and you ruined it !

Sorry if I sound like a dick, but I had to say it ...

[ohlife]

First of all, there was nothing inherently uplifting about the thread; it was merely various people's meditations as to what fundamental aspect of the psyche hair loss impacts. On that note, I thought I'd give my honest opinion in regards to this question. If it's true - as you seem to imply - that hair loss doesn't affect not only how we see ourselves, but how others see us as well, then why is it undesirable? in fact, why are you even here?

That being said, I will concede that I forgot to add a crucial part of what I was thinking at the time. Given that - I think - the 'identity crisis' that can come with hair loss is the fundamental problem, maybe the key is to look past our naivety. One of the reasons why hair loss is easier as you get older, I think, is that because you start to realize that individual 'uniqueness' and popularity are both mythical and temporal ideals respectively. At the end of the day, we're all human, and everyone faces the same basic problems - also, everyone becomes old and obsolete unless you build strong foundations of family and friendship, something barely reliant on looks.

I guess my point is that, whilst the truth of the matter doesn't make it any easier to cope with at the present, most of us can acknowledge that the things hair loss seem to undermine will dissipate in their significance as we get older.

Must say though, it does still confuse me when 40+ year olds are concerned when their hair starts to recede...

[VictimOfDHT]

Ohlife, you will soon find that being 40 isn't any different than being 30 or 20 when it comes to losing hair. It sucks at any age, well maybe not when you're 75. I look at very old men sometime and I still think it looks ****ing weird and ugly when more than half of your head is nothing but bare skin.

[ohlife]

Well that may be the case for me and you - we obviously care about hair a fair bit - but I think if you did a poll, the majority of those 40 an under would show a much greater concern than those over. Whether or not that's a generational thing is another matter - we'll have to see.