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Hello everyone, this is my first post to this forum although I've been lurking for a while, I felt the need to finally share my own personal story. Maybe others younger than me will be able to learn from some of my mistakes.
I am 27 years old with severe hair loss which started at 17. I would say I am currently a Norwood 4.5 and have just recently come to the realization that I am heading towards a NW 6-7 very quickly. I have already had three procedures. My first one was when I was 19 which I deeply regret. At that point my hair loss was just starting to become noticeable and I panicked. I went to several reputable HT surgeons who turned me down (as they should have) before being butchered by someone very unethical. He made my hairline way too low, wasted many grafts, and left me with a huge donor scar. I was young, stubborn, and stupid, and I should have listened to reason. But throughout HS I always had thick and long hair (down to my shoulders), was in a rock band, very popular, and had ALOT of female attention. I had let my hair become my "identity" and it was absolutely devastating for me to watch it disappear. After the first procedure due to shock loss and possibly poor technique/results, I ended up looking MUCH worse than when I started. I become so self conscious I ended up wearing a hat throughout much of my college life. Needless to say, my confidence (and social life) plummeted due to preoccupation with my hair, and I "wasted" my college years in severe depression.
At the age of 22, I decided to try again with a 2nd procedure. I had spent years of my life practically withdrawn from society, just working and "subsisting". I did thorough research this time, and went with a top-notch surgeon. This time, the final results were fantastic, and I was extremely satisfied. With my confidence and some happiness restored, I started really living my life again. I dated numerous woman in just a few years before deeply falling for someone at 25. She had an amazing personality and was absolutely gorgeous and I could hardly believe that she was interested in me at first. She would turn heads wherever we went and was constantly being hit on. I would laugh early on in the relationship when she would tell me she thought I was out of her league and felt lucky. We moved very fast and moved in together after only a few months, less than a year later we got engaged. Things were going great in my life, I felt truly content and hadn't thought about my hair in years...HUGE MISTAKE..I stopped taking propecia and my hair loss quickly resumed. It was only at the start of last summer that it really hit me again one day while looking at the top of my head closely in the mirror. Nearly all of my native hair had fallen out and more receded, with only a thin coverage from my HTs. I FREAKED OUT and once again plummeted into a deep depression. My fiance at the time was very supportive of me and tried in every which way to help me get out of it. She convinced me to shave my head, which actually made me feel a little better until I started getting blatant comments from others about my donor scars. I became more and more self-conscious, insecure, preoccupied, even obsessed with my hair loss. I turned my insecurities towards my fiancee, getting jealous, paranoid, etc. and starting pointless arguments with her as well as other family members. Finally, one day a few months ago, things got really ugly. I had a blowout with my fiance at a social event. I had been drinking heavily and all the irrational thoughts and stupid obsesssion w/ my hair became unbearable. We had a huge argument, I said some incredibly cruel things to her and walked out on her, inadvertantly causing something horrible to happen to her, leaving her physically and emotionally scarred. Needless to say, she broke off our relationship and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore (I can't blame her).
So here I am dealing with a tragedy that was very much my fault, and extremely aggressive hair loss that I've already dealt with before and falsely believed I had "resolved". I had yet another HT last month but am now running out of donor hair. In the past, post-op I always felt hopeful and excited that things would get better for me, but surprisingly, I don't feel that this time. I don't know if it will even matter how much benefit this HT will bring me, I regret having ever started this, and I deeply regret how much time in my life I have wasted obsessing over my hair. Just a few months ago I had everything I could've ever wanted (which I only believed came with a head of hair), a good social life, great paying job, amazing fiancee, so WHY did I let my hair bother me so much? What keeps crossing my mind is something my ex said to me shortly before things got bad between us. That even when she met me I had very thin hair and she could tell I was balding (so I was only fooling myself with the HTs), yet she found me much more attractive than many guys with full heads of hair. She said she loved the presence and confidence I carried, and would've never imagined that my hair loss was such an issue for me. I didn't believe her when she said it, and still can't, but I'm starting to think I'm just NOT LETTING myself believe it.
So, I guess what I'm finally realizing is that, yes hair loss sucks, and yes, you will be treated differently by some people and probably rejected more frequently by women, and yes, your chances of being the next brad pitt or fabio are nill, but there are plenty of other reasons why that would happen anyway. I mean, if you had an abnormally large nose, big ears, or whatever else, you'd face the same fate. Imperfections are a part of life for all but the very very lucky few. Hair loss is DEVASTATING and DESTRUCTIVE at a young age only if you allow it to be. And I know it is easy to say that, but very hard to live by it...sh*t I'm still not there yet. But I think it is just like facing any other adversity in life, you have to FORCE yourself not to succumb to your own negative thoughts, be strong, go out there and live the fullest life you possibly can. Because otherwise, you will waste years (perhaps decades) of your life in your own mental prison. And whats hitting me now is that once your in your later years of life, when hair loss is much more common and is actually the least of your problems, you will end up truly regretting shutting yourself away somewhere because of a few square inches on the top of your head.
This is actually the first night in my entire life that I've been able to speak positive words, truly feel them, and have hope. And for once, that hope has absolutely nothing to do with my hair growing back. Its hope that I will not ruin my 30s as I have done my 20s and hope that I might not let my heart sink when looking in the mirror tomorrow.
I am 27 years old with severe hair loss which started at 17. I would say I am currently a Norwood 4.5 and have just recently come to the realization that I am heading towards a NW 6-7 very quickly. I have already had three procedures. My first one was when I was 19 which I deeply regret. At that point my hair loss was just starting to become noticeable and I panicked. I went to several reputable HT surgeons who turned me down (as they should have) before being butchered by someone very unethical. He made my hairline way too low, wasted many grafts, and left me with a huge donor scar. I was young, stubborn, and stupid, and I should have listened to reason. But throughout HS I always had thick and long hair (down to my shoulders), was in a rock band, very popular, and had ALOT of female attention. I had let my hair become my "identity" and it was absolutely devastating for me to watch it disappear. After the first procedure due to shock loss and possibly poor technique/results, I ended up looking MUCH worse than when I started. I become so self conscious I ended up wearing a hat throughout much of my college life. Needless to say, my confidence (and social life) plummeted due to preoccupation with my hair, and I "wasted" my college years in severe depression.
At the age of 22, I decided to try again with a 2nd procedure. I had spent years of my life practically withdrawn from society, just working and "subsisting". I did thorough research this time, and went with a top-notch surgeon. This time, the final results were fantastic, and I was extremely satisfied. With my confidence and some happiness restored, I started really living my life again. I dated numerous woman in just a few years before deeply falling for someone at 25. She had an amazing personality and was absolutely gorgeous and I could hardly believe that she was interested in me at first. She would turn heads wherever we went and was constantly being hit on. I would laugh early on in the relationship when she would tell me she thought I was out of her league and felt lucky. We moved very fast and moved in together after only a few months, less than a year later we got engaged. Things were going great in my life, I felt truly content and hadn't thought about my hair in years...HUGE MISTAKE..I stopped taking propecia and my hair loss quickly resumed. It was only at the start of last summer that it really hit me again one day while looking at the top of my head closely in the mirror. Nearly all of my native hair had fallen out and more receded, with only a thin coverage from my HTs. I FREAKED OUT and once again plummeted into a deep depression. My fiance at the time was very supportive of me and tried in every which way to help me get out of it. She convinced me to shave my head, which actually made me feel a little better until I started getting blatant comments from others about my donor scars. I became more and more self-conscious, insecure, preoccupied, even obsessed with my hair loss. I turned my insecurities towards my fiancee, getting jealous, paranoid, etc. and starting pointless arguments with her as well as other family members. Finally, one day a few months ago, things got really ugly. I had a blowout with my fiance at a social event. I had been drinking heavily and all the irrational thoughts and stupid obsesssion w/ my hair became unbearable. We had a huge argument, I said some incredibly cruel things to her and walked out on her, inadvertantly causing something horrible to happen to her, leaving her physically and emotionally scarred. Needless to say, she broke off our relationship and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore (I can't blame her).
So here I am dealing with a tragedy that was very much my fault, and extremely aggressive hair loss that I've already dealt with before and falsely believed I had "resolved". I had yet another HT last month but am now running out of donor hair. In the past, post-op I always felt hopeful and excited that things would get better for me, but surprisingly, I don't feel that this time. I don't know if it will even matter how much benefit this HT will bring me, I regret having ever started this, and I deeply regret how much time in my life I have wasted obsessing over my hair. Just a few months ago I had everything I could've ever wanted (which I only believed came with a head of hair), a good social life, great paying job, amazing fiancee, so WHY did I let my hair bother me so much? What keeps crossing my mind is something my ex said to me shortly before things got bad between us. That even when she met me I had very thin hair and she could tell I was balding (so I was only fooling myself with the HTs), yet she found me much more attractive than many guys with full heads of hair. She said she loved the presence and confidence I carried, and would've never imagined that my hair loss was such an issue for me. I didn't believe her when she said it, and still can't, but I'm starting to think I'm just NOT LETTING myself believe it.
So, I guess what I'm finally realizing is that, yes hair loss sucks, and yes, you will be treated differently by some people and probably rejected more frequently by women, and yes, your chances of being the next brad pitt or fabio are nill, but there are plenty of other reasons why that would happen anyway. I mean, if you had an abnormally large nose, big ears, or whatever else, you'd face the same fate. Imperfections are a part of life for all but the very very lucky few. Hair loss is DEVASTATING and DESTRUCTIVE at a young age only if you allow it to be. And I know it is easy to say that, but very hard to live by it...sh*t I'm still not there yet. But I think it is just like facing any other adversity in life, you have to FORCE yourself not to succumb to your own negative thoughts, be strong, go out there and live the fullest life you possibly can. Because otherwise, you will waste years (perhaps decades) of your life in your own mental prison. And whats hitting me now is that once your in your later years of life, when hair loss is much more common and is actually the least of your problems, you will end up truly regretting shutting yourself away somewhere because of a few square inches on the top of your head.
This is actually the first night in my entire life that I've been able to speak positive words, truly feel them, and have hope. And for once, that hope has absolutely nothing to do with my hair growing back. Its hope that I will not ruin my 30s as I have done my 20s and hope that I might not let my heart sink when looking in the mirror tomorrow.
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