The wrong way to live

[jooder]

Im sorry to hear about the way this has affected your life.
In your job as a personal trainer, i presume you regularly encourage and help people to better their lives?...... to increase their confidence through a better body image?
Now is the time for the hardest part - to take your own advice.
There is one option available to you which will end the constant searching for a solution, the cover ups and the stress......you have to shave it off.
I have had a shaved head for many years, it has never held me back....ive had plenty of girlfriends, i dont have to bother about people noticing a cover up...... can enjoy life without thinking about my hair.
There are many solutions to fade scars - chemical peels, lasers, fue. The fact that you are 'built' will make the shaved look even better and will help you pull off the scar too.
Finally, the 'ridges' you mention - everybody has lumps and bumps on their head....chill out..........i think you may be obsessing about them?
You ever heard of the singer 'seal'? - he has big scars on his face......and hes thought of as a good looking man, married to a supermodel. You have one scar on the back of your head...
Do yourself a favour - buy a razor, shave it off.... and if it bothers you that much, start on reducing the scar with chemical peels.
Good luck! - it sounds like you have a great supportive gf too : )

[juiceman]

I am trying to take what you said into account and realize I have some great things in my life that others are missing out on. For some ridiculous reason I put more emphasis on my appearance than how my life is going. It's sad and I wanna change all that. I am pretty sure I need therapy for how I treat myself and how I see myself in the mirror. It's a really good thing I have the support I have or I would have ended my life a long time ago. I mean, sometimes you have to wonder what you live for, and the people I train on a daily basis need me. I am helping them change their lives and I know I need to change mine. Even somedays, knowing how important I am to others still doesn't seem to be enough to stick around for the humility I face day in day out. I am choosing the path of working to get better by making doctor appointments and seeking help. I appreciate your words and everyone from this site because you all understand how hard it is. Thank you very much.

Totally understand what you mean man. Like a lot of things, hair is something people take for granted until they start to lose it and as such it's hard for some people to realise how much of an affect hair loss can have on someone's state of mind.

Hair loss is something which can drastically affect confidence, stopping someone from savouring life and revealing their true self. The psychological side really comes down to being concerned (whether subconsciously or not) at how others view us, particularly those with full heads of hair - after all, we'd be a lot less concerned if every man on earth was genetically programmed to suffer the exact same hairloss at the same time. That said, if you can show who you really are, people are more likely to say "He's a great guy" rather than "Look at his hair loss".

I guess the way to be content is to somehow accept yourself and how you look, without worrying about others. This is obviously easier said than done, (and I'm not preaching here because I suffer the same insecurities) so seeking professional help is definitely a step in the right direction.

I can really relate to some of the things you've said and have a great family like you - I just dont want this to consume me and become a shadow of the person I could be. I want to enjoy my time with my family and friends and have great memories to look back on rather than regretting the fact I didn't make the most of having such good people around me.

Sorry I got pretty deep there! Keep going mate, the day will come when you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and think "Another day, bring it on!"

[KeepTheHair]

Truly an amazing story man...

It's so great that you have someone that can support you. You have been through it all.

I wish I could give you advice. I wish that somehow there could be something that I could say that would make it all ok.

You aren't alone man... we are all suffering. I am 20 and going through this. It has changed my life a lot! It has consumed me.


I wish you the best man. Good luck with everything and just remember to enjoy the small things in life.

[muscleandfitness33]

Thanks Juiceman

I am trying to take what you said into account and realize I have some great things in my life that others are missing out on. For some ridiculous reason I put more emphasis on my appearance than how my life is going. It's sad and I wanna change all that. I am pretty sure I need therapy for how I treat myself and how I see myself in the mirror. It's a really good thing I have the support I have or I would have ended my life a long time ago. I mean, sometimes you have to wonder what you live for, and the people I train on a daily basis need me. I am helping them change their lives and I know I need to change mine. Even somedays, knowing how important I am to others still doesn't seem to be enough to stick around for the humility I face day in day out. I am choosing the path of working to get better by making doctor appointments and seeking help. I appreciate your words and everyone from this site because you all understand how hard it is. Thank you very much.

[muscleandfitness33]

Thanks Mick

Thanks man, life has been nothing short of complicated for me and I am trying to hold on. I recently had a breakdown over the phone with my sister about how I am ruining all the good things in my life. Fighting a 12 year battle that has only become even more difficult over time makes it tough to keep going. I am trying everything I can to be a big person and not let this beat me. It's causing issues with my girlfriend and I that I can't control but she says she is in it for the long haul to see me thru to the end. It's great to have that support but it could end us if I'm not careful. I wanna be this great guy and show people who I really am, but losing my hair has made me be someone else I'm not. It's terrible. I can only take so much. Thank you for your really kind words, I am doing my best. I hope the future holds a better life for me otherwise I don't know what will be left of it in the end.

[Mick]

muscleandfitness33 you sound like an AMAZING guy and I hope life gets better for you. You have been so strong so far, don't give up and don't put yourself down. You seem like such a wonderful person and the world could do with more of them!

[PayDay]

I think you really should listen to Spencer Kobren’s show. It sounds like you need to listen to other guys dealing with the same issues and how they have gotten past it. I’m a big fan of this forum, but there's nothing like tuning in to listen to the man himself. He has a way of putting things into perspective that I can honestly say has changed my life. They do a web video chat every Tuesday which they usually announce of the forum. Check it out. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, I hope you can begin to feel better.

[juiceman]

Sorry to hear what you're going through mate, I can relate to some of what you've said like "It's really tough waking up every day and not being happy with yourself" but I certainly haven't been through as much as you and so have no idea how it feels.

I know this type of thing can sometimes block out everything else going on in your life but what I can say is that you still have a lot going for you and a lot of positive things you can put your energy into. I mean, how many people can honestly say they do a job they love, have a built physique and probably most importantly - have an amazingly supportive girlfriend and family?

You may not feel it, but you really are in a better position than a lot of people in this world and if you can find it in yourself I'd urge you to make the most of it. It's not too late to realise what you have in your life and enjoy it with the people who are there for you!

That being said, I know how hard it is and I hope you can find a positive solution that you are happy with - all the best mate!

[clee984]

I don't really have any useful advice I'm afraid, but I hope you are ok.

[muscleandfitness33]

I would really like to thank everyone who has left me a message in response to my story. It feels good to know that others care and try to send advice or suggestions for someone they have never even met. I thank you all so much for that. The last 11-12 years have been hell for me and I think the only reason I am still on this earth is that I don't want to disappoint my family by leaving here before was intended. I am very close to them and they would be crushed if I was to depart. This has put my family thru a lot in the past and I have been well for quite some time. Not even going to a therapist helped me see the real person inside and that I had so much to give to others. As a personal trainer, my purpose is to change lives and I love doing that, and I never want to give up on them, but I want to give up on me. I want to believe that it's not that big of a deal because there are people that have cancer and heart disease and live their lives in wheelchairs, but this is my wheelchair you see. It's really tough waking up every day and not being happy with yourself. I walk around self-conscious all day and wondering who is looking at me and such. I have created a prison for myself that I cannot break free from, and it's very hurtful. I wish I could go back to 18 and understand again what it meant to just live your life and feel free. One day this prison I have created will close in on me and I hope that when it does I don't hurt anyone in my life. Can't wait until my girlfriend runs for the hills when she realizes that I was a mistake to be with from the very beginning. I am going to keep doing my research and taking suggestions and advice from you all because I need hope, and only time will tell what the outcome will be. Thank you all so much for being supportive, it's very nice.

[muscleandfitness33]

CIT girl thank you so much for taking the time to write me and give me some advice. I have this feeling that I will never overcome this and it's going to end me. I'm worried that I will let myself down and all those around me because it's going to close in on me and there will be nothing else I can do. I have tried so much already I don't know what is left. I wish I had left my hair alone and shaved it back when I was 20-21 because then I would not have the issues I have today. I am learning my lesson the hard way and now I don't know where to turn. My girlfriend is super supportive as are others in my life but I just don't know that it's enough. I need a miracle to save my life. I'm holding on for as long as I can, and I just don't know how much more I can go thru. Life was not meant to be spent this way and I find it very sad. Wishing somehow I can find hope, but I just don't think the shaved look is for me. I know a lot of people say that, they try it and love it, but I have been there and I could not accept myself. I am praying for a cure someday that really works because that person would be a millionaire once they developed the product. I need something to save me, but I very much appreciate your words, you are very kind.

[PayDay]

Welcome to the forum, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Many of us here feel exactly the way you do about losing our hair and have tried many different types of solutions I’ve been a huge fan of Spencer Kobren’s radio show for years and I think you should listen and even call him to talk about things. It’s my weekly therapy and Spencer has really helped me to put things into perspective over the years. He does a Tuesday show now too. If you haven't done so already you should check it out. www.thebaldtruth.com

In time I think you’ll find some peace and be able to move on and enjoy your life.

[Winston]

Cit Girl’s advice is right on the money. Life is short, so you need to find a way to get yourself to the point where you feel comfortable living it.

[CIT_Girl]

I'm very sorry to read about all you've been through but I think you will find some great support and advice on this forum.

My advice would be to do whatever you can to get your life back and to not feel like you're missing out. This will likely mean doing what you need to in order to feel comfortable shaving your head. As LFC mentioned, you can camouflage the appearance of your strip scar by having a small FUE procedure into the scar. Unfortunately, scar tissue will not give you the same yield as virgin scalp and you may need to have more than one 'pass' before you achieve acceptable results. I would also advise you to consult with a plastic surgeon to figure out the cause of, and what can be done for, the 'ridges' you are experiencing.

It's great that you have a supportive girlfriend and use the gym as a positive outlet. Hopefully you can achieve the 'freeing' feeling of shaving your head again and, this time, learn to like, or at least live with, the way you look with it.

[Ash84]

Oh yea for HT surgeons, you should try to see Hasson & Wong. I went and was a bit frustrated and disappointed when i left because i was turned away. I was basically told my Dr Hasson i had weak donor and too early to tell my pattern of loss. But it makes me comfortable to know they have my best interest instead of theirs.