Going bald, and going back...

[KeepTheHair]

Something I keep noticing about even the best hair transplants is that there is a thinning line around the head. From the temples around the head. If you view from the top or even sides. That is a sign of a HT. It is probably because no doctor would really bother putting too many grafts at the sides because it won't give as good cosmetic appeal as putting it on the top.


Then again I have seen very magical transplants...some look extremely natural and no way ANYONE could tell a difference.

[hindsight2020]

Then again I have seen very magical transplants...some look extremely natural and no way ANYONE could tell a difference.

You can always tell.. sometimes you just need to be a bit closer. The reasson you can always tell is, natural hair on the top of your head isn't always the same thickness... and there are many very very small hair all around the thicker ones... in a HT, you are only transplanting thick hair back to the scalp leaving out the thinner hairs is what creates the brissle look, which every HT has assuming the head was completley bald naturally.

[KeepTheHair]

No man, I have seen some incredible ones.

I have seen one where the doctor transplanted more towards the back, left the front somewhat thinning. It looked amazing! He didn't have s trong hairline or anything but the overall look was amazing and the hairline still had a ton of thinning soft hairs...looked great. super natural. No way you could spot it. It looked great. I have seen a whole bunch of good transplants. It really can be done. Although your right. If you want a hairline totally restored it won't look 100% natural.


But if I get one I will wear my hair DOWN, not up. So it won't even show or be a problem at all for me.

[Delphi]

Welcome to the forum Hinsight20/20 your attitude is incredibly refreshing and very appreciated. I’ve made this place kind of my second home for the past year or so and I’ve read some very interesting stories. I love this forum more than any other because people really seem to open up about their feelings here. It’s very real and yes sometimes depressing and a downer, but it can also be uplifting like your posts are. You have certainly gained a lot of wisdom through your experiences and I think your presence here will help a lot of us, maybe even fixedby35

[hindsight2020]

Thanks Delphi ...

The only reason I joined these boards wasn't for self enlightenment, or to get opinions or ideas from. I've been there and because I've been there I learned a lot about who I am. I joined because right now I am at a point where I no longer ONLY have to deal with balding, but the scars left over from a mistake I made when I was young. I am not saying HT's are bad for everyone, but for people who are thinking of getting them for people who think thier life is over without hair, I would love to tell my story and maybe help them see the other side of things before making such a big decision that will impact the resot of thier lives.

I let my hairloss consume me, it still does to a degree. For the past 10 years I probably didn't go for more than 15 minutes at any given time without worrying about my hair... were people looking?... is my scar exposed?... oh sh*t, its windy today!... Can't go swimming, what will I do after I get out?... This girl is really hot, can she tell I have a HT?.... If I can't wear a hat, I'm not going... the list can go on forever. Things NO ONE ELSE in the world has to think of or deal with, I was making myself miserable over.

That has come to an end within the past year or so. My hair has had enough of my time, I lost most of my 20's to worrying about it when in reality no one else cared that I was balding. No one stopped being my friend as a result of losing my hair, girls didn't stop flirting with me, employers didn't pass me up because of a thinning hairline... but why did I feel like it was the end of the world and NO ONE has it worse than I did. I hate myself today for letting my life be ruined because I was embarrassed of a natural occuring thing and I feel like I owe it to myself to make the next 10 years my best. It has been rare, but situations where hair transplants were the topic, or something I had to talk about is way more embarrasing then going naturally bald. I felt pathetic for trying to cover it up.

By exposing my scars (getting them reduced too) lasering out my transplants, I feel completely alive again. Do I look as good bald as with hair, no, not at all. But this is who I am. I am proud of me. I want to go into a social gathering saying 'Look at me, I am bald and shave my head as a result' and get it over with... rather than go in looking like I have hair, but as people approach me can they tell? Does it look bad today? Is this light making it obvious I am bald? Did my hair move when I got out of the car?

The feeling of going back to my natural state is so refreshing. I though getting my hair back (via HT) was the best thing ever... its not even close to how I feel today, and how excited I am to go back to me, worry free. My best years are ahead of me... and I can't wait to actually be able to live without fear on a daily basis again.

[hindsight2020]

@Crashul -

You know before I ever posted my story, I read yours. Quite inspirational to say the least and reminds me of EXACTLY what I went through. I actually wanted to mention you in my post but was consumed and irritated by negative comments of other members, and forgot =(. I want to take a few minutes to talk about some of your points, and how I relate. I think it is important for positive people to be vocal on this forum, and I enjoy the conversation.

"I used to discriminate, laugh at people who had no blame for what they were like...perhaps just childish jokes but i came to regret them. " - Crashul

I LOVED this statement. As I have said in my story, I was always known as a 'tough' guy throughout my school years. Especially in Highschool and early College years, I jumped at the chance to make snide remarks of someone's shortcomings. Not meaning any harm to them, but to make people laugh... the fat kid standing in the corner, the guy wearing less than fashionable clothes, the way someone talked, the way someone walked, the things people were obviously insecure about. I was ruthless... even while balding... Today, I think of those people a lot. How they felt about thier insecurity, how they delt with it on a daily basis, and how they were probably made aware of it all the time... maybe they were so depressed they ate a lot, maybe they didn't have money for better clothes, they can't help the voice they were born with, just like I couldn't help the hair I was born with. I wish I could go back and actually meet these people, get to know them, find out who they actually are. I stand up for people now. If a friend makes a comment about someone's differences, I am the first to point out that they might not have asked to be that way, they were born like that, and that you too have something about yourself your unhappy with. I enjoy people more, I like to hear thier stories, I like to make them feel important because they are just as good of a human being as I am, if not better. When you are forced to face life with something less than the next person, no matter what it is... less hair, less height, less money... you come out of it a much smarter, stronger, and happier person - if you don't let it ruin you in the process. Make the best of what you have, realize the people the MATTER don't concentrate on those things and live your life. It took me way to long to figure this out, but I am still extremely happy I finally did.

"I'm 24 and I started loosing my hair at 22, but very aggressively. This was the first moment in my life when i seriously took into consideration TIME. I became aware of it, of its passing, of life being short, of aging." - Crashul

It took me a bit longer, and I am envious you figured this out before I did. I was 24, and lost a lot of hair by 22. I made a decision I am now regretting because of the fabricated things I made up in my mind about my balding. No one cared I was balding except me. Looking back all the signs were good. Good job, good friends, good health, amazing girlfriend... but I was so fixated on how I am 'supposed' to look, I didn't believe it.

I am now 30 and finally figuring it all out, I think. I spent the last 6 years of my life trying to cover up something that didn't effect any part of my life. Trying to cover up something that was natural. Trying to cover up something no one cared about except me. Everyday... every damn day it has consumed my life for the past 10 years. Wether is was the actual balding process or the HT process. No matter how good the HT looked in the begining I still was constantly worried about anything that put me infront of or around other people... even my family. Slowly I started to let go, although it still ate at me everyday. As I have said in my other posts, I gathered up the courage to talk to my wife about it, and about my struggles with it. She LOVES me for opening up to her and says she could care less what my hair looks like because thats not why she fell in love with me. Her dad's bald, her stepfather is bald, some of her Highschool friends have started balding... its natural and she can't believe something so insignificant to who I am was bothering me so much. You only get one shot at life. One shot to make something of yourself. I figured that much out. No longer will I spend weekend nights at home or not go somewhere I can't wear a hat to. No longer will I try to cover up my beautiful, balding head. No longer will I worry about what people I will never see again in my entire life think of me, nor will I care about the opinion of someone who doesn't mean anything to me. Everyone has insecurities, some show in on thier head, some bury it deep down inside thier soul. But not me, not anymore. This life is to short to worry about details that mean absollutley nothing to what I can accomplish in this lifetime. My hair will never hold me back from living again, and thats the best feeling I've had in 10 years.

Crash - I appreciated your post so much, and you are wise beyond your years as far as I am concerned. You achieved things that some people will NEVER achieve in thier entire lifetime... things that people don't even know exist. Everyone looks for the esay way out at some point in thier life, some never find it, and some realize that the easy way out is by not trying to find a way out at all. I would love to hear more about your current situation and accomplishments... I am sure you will go on to do great things in life... with or without hair.

[heresjohnny]

"No longer will I worry about what people I will never see again in my entire life think of me, nor will I care about the opinion of someone who doesn't mean anything to me."

I love that line and couldn’t have said it better myself... thanks for taking the time to write you story. I have had up to 1000 employees at points in my current career of 10+ years. I could count the comments about my hair on one hand and they were more questioning than joking.
I believe that there is nothing I cannot conquer or have the resolve to see through if the goal is truly obtainable.

[KeepTheHair]

But in the end... we are social beings.

Social. We care what others think of us. The judgement of others is what keeps us going. It is a relative concept. You want them to judge you. You want them to acknowledge your good work, your good deeds and your accomplishments in life. So when they judge you negatively you suddenly don't care anymore?

We want to be judged.


But we want it to be positive. Going bald completely changes the "image" people have of you. The way people looked at me prior to thinning is definitely much different than it is now. Thats just the way it is.


I care. But I do realize the fact that it makes more sense not to care. But I am probably too weak minded and immature at 20 to fully "get it". I can't yet. I am balding too bloody soon. It is too much of a transformation...too soon. I have to be someone else.

[heresjohnny]

I believe it means more at your age in general because of emotional growth. That is certainly a reality of that whole process.

“So when they judge you negatively you suddenly don't care anymore?”

When they walk in my shoes only then will their opinion matter to me. It is what YOU make of it not someone else. Utilize your skills, knowledge and abilities to overcome the obstacle. If you find a developmental opportunity in your life, if you can, work to strengthen it. A man once told me early in my career, "There are things you can control and things for which you have NO control over. Focus on the things you can change, because if you worry about everything you will never be happy.”

I hear that in my head every day and it rings true. Isn’t life stressful enough already why am I making it worse than it needs to be?

My heart goes out to you I KNOW what you’re going through. How it will affect your life is up to you now and I also know that is not easy to do.
Do I still feel anxiety over it in certain situations? Sure, I do. It was a decision I made once upon a time to have a HT done and it turned out badly. My coming here has more to do with me than anyone or anything else. I am still not totally convinced and a repair might be worse that what I already have. But I have gained some great insight and valuable information on general care that I can introduce into my life.

[Fixed by 35]

You have certainly gained a lot of wisdom through your experiences and I think your presence here will help a lot of us, maybe even fixedby35

I'd just like to say I don't expect this to happen. Whilst what Hindsight2020 has to say is interesting, it also includes an awful lot of pop psychology that I've tried and failed to administer to myself before.

The trouble, perhaps, is that I've taken the time to study what baldness means in modern British society. Whilst a lot of people on this forum show a healthy amount of concern for their own hair loss, I do wonder how observant they have been of the social implications of balding.

I've worked in a variety of corporate roles for a number of large financial institutions, including one of the big four accountancy firms and within the private banking arm of one of the largest ten banks in the world. I've been doing this for seven years and I've never seen a bald or balding colleague get promoted. Not once.

I have never known the most senior person in an office to be bald or balding. None of our board of directors at my current employer is bald. Very few of the partners in my big 4 firm were bald or balding. That is statistically ridiculous.

I've seen bald men in night clubs, almost always with other men or with women much older than they are (when you're balding yourself, you start to realise the real age of a bald man, which is normally about ten years less than he looks!).

I've followed politics, and watched bald man after bald man fail in high public office. Neil Kinnock, William Hague, Ian Duncan Smith, Michael Howard, just for starters.

As I've always said, bald men can be successful and they can have a nice life. But they're always in second place, never first.

Hindsight2020, I can predict your future. Middle management for the rest of your life. No board of directors wants you, because you're bald. Unlucky for you that you work in an image obsessed industry too, because there will be plenty of good looking blokes who will be promoted over you into the nice top jobs. Sorry, that's just how the world of business works.

[Locke]

I agree with what 2020 has to say...in theory. It's so easy to say all of these things but to actually do them is a lot harder.

I buzzed my hair today and I really don't like how it looks (I'll post pics later) and nothing will change that. Should I just accept that I think it looks bad and move on? Maybe. But what about people who I meet in public, women who I meet in public whose first impressions are to notice that I'm losing my hair? I just hate having people judge me based on my hairline (in a negative way) and think I'm not as attractive because of something I can't control.

Some days I don't care about it and think it looks good then other days I hate it and feel depressed. It has been an ongoing cycle like this for the past 2-3 years and I'm only 22...

Balding is a naturally occurring process but at 22? COME ON this is bullshit. If I was 30 I could accept it but like other people are saying in this thread, it's much, much harder to cope with when you're young and everyone else has a nice full head of hair and doesn't have to worry about this every single day.

2020 you said you only live once so why is my one chance at life ruined by this!?!?!?!?!! You can always say other people have it worse but you know what? A lot of people have it a lot better too. I shouldn't have to put up with this shit being 22...there are so many other things I could focus my time on.

Also, do you feel that the technology at the time of your procedure was inadequate or it was the doctor? I've seen some pretty incredible hair transplants and as of now my decision is to try propecia + rogaine for a year to see if I can stabilize it then have a HT done next summer.

[Locke]

I just went back to my thread and remembered you posted in there 2020. Thanks for being so helpful and I'll definitely contact you if I'd like to talk about a HT.

Most HTs look so good...it's almost irresistible considering the way I feel about my hair now.

[[mcr]]

I do wonder how observant they have been of the social implications of balding.

The implications aren't as final as you make them out to be.

Case in point: Silvio Berlusconi. Clearly balding. 73 years old. 5'5". Prime minister of Italy. Banging a 19-year old model. Go tell him he shouldn't be because he's balding.

Short, bald, old, and living a life most of us can't even dream of. In many respects, he's my hero.

By the way he has had a HT. He's clearly not the type to sit there and feel sorry for himself. I guess my point is, hairloss doesn't mean the end of life.

[hindsight2020]

@Fixed_by_35

I think I am just going to accept that you are a negative, cynical, being at this point because of your hairloss. You called my perspective on balding and bald people 'pop pyscology' ... because I have a good outlook on life and don't let my hair or hairloss define who I am or what I can achieve? Even so, you clearly have fell to tricks of modern media and pop culture. You still talk about all this research and studies you have done regarding bald people and how bad they have it. After researching your 'research' on discrimination, I conclude that YOUR research is no more then a google search engine and believing everything HT and hairloss doctors/companies want you to believe.

You continually talk about this discrimination (that you've researched) and how it holds you back. Yes, discrimination exists, but you are also being discriminated for your skin color, hair length, height, weight, facial features, religious views, political views, ethnicity, the amount of money you have/make, ect. What are you doing to combat those discriminations? Are you on ethnicities forums talking about how your backround is stopping you from moving up in the world? Are you on religious forums talking about it? Your hairloss is discriminated no more, no less than those I listed.

My challenge to you is, stop wasting your time worrying about what you 'think' is holding you back, and go out and do something with your life. You continuously use your hairloss as a scapegoat for your unhappiness for toher things in your life. Clearly your not happy with your job, your lovelife, or your social life becuase you think hairloss is the most unattractive thing that could happen. Did you ever stop to think that your lack of confidence could be the leading factor in whats holding you back. No one like to be around someone that constantly feels sorry for themselves.

When you hit age 50 and look back at your life and realize how much time you wasted structuring your life around your hair, remember me when I told you to 'Take your balls out of your purse and be a man' ... stop blaming everything thats wrong with your life on hairloss.

And 'whilst' I would be offened if I thought there was ANY truth to your prediction about MY life... I'll list some social and financial achievements I've had while balding...

Age 22 - My temples were gone/thinning, as was the back of my head ... I was balding rapidly.

That same year, I was dating a girl who got a job as a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader. One of the hottest girls on school campus, even as I was balding.

I recieved a job offer INTO middle management straight out of college based on my preformance as an intern, while being bald. While practically everyone I worked with had hair. I was promoted.

Age 22 - 24

This is when I began shaving it with a straight razor. My girlfriend and I broke up due to distance, and I have absolutley NO PROBLEM meeting girls. Was at the beach every weekend, was in the best shape of my life, having the time of my life... as a bald 24 year old guy.

I also was recruited into the medical device field, more the doubling my salary from my previous 'middle management' postition. Thats right, they RECRUITED me... a bald guy, at the age of 24.

While all those good things were going on, I was still always concious of my hairloss, that I had a big forehead, and that I looked a bit older then I did with hair... I thought it was ruining my life at the time. But... it was all in my head, I was making it up, even though I was having the time of my life, making a ton of money and had my whole life infront of me... I was BALD! I couldn't get that fact out of my head. BALDING... it wasn't holding me back from anything, but the voices in my head, the hairloss comercials, and the 'free consultations' got me... I HAD to have a HT. And got one.

Now that I can reflect on what my life was like being bald and having hair. It was exactly the same. No better, no worse... because I was the ONLY ONE that cared about my hairloss. My wife (girlfriend at the time) didn't care. My employer didn't care. My friends and family didn't care (even though I'd get picked on from time to time...) I made this big dramatic thing up in my head.

And I have been in the business world longer than you. I don't know you personally, but it sounds like your not really going anywhere and you balme it on hairloss. I am really sorry you feel that way, but the reason your not going anywhere is because you gave up. I hope you realize that before its too late.

[hindsight2020]

I shouldn't have to put up with this shit being 22...there are so many other things I could focus my time on.

Also, do you feel that the technology at the time of your procedure was inadequate or it was the doctor? I've seen some pretty incredible hair transplants and as of now my decision is to try propecia + rogaine for a year to see if I can stabilize it then have a HT done next summer.

@Locke

No you shouldn't have to focus on it, so why are you?

I wish I could go back to being 22 again, All of my 20's ahead of me... only to be consumed by both hair loss and life after a transplant... During that time I realized no one cared about it except me. Sure I wasn't as attractive to some, but to other I was just as attractive as I ever was. You can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time. Even with hair, not everyone thinks your attractive. I've actually had women hit on me in the past because they like the shaved head look. I still was naive enough to think I 'needed' a HT.

About my doctor and the procedures, it was done in 2005... and most if not all of the techniques he used are still being used today. My hair looked pretty good for a few years. But here's my thing with HT's. Even when it looked its best .. I still knew it was a HT. No matter how good pictures look on the internet, in person you can still tell (especially if you had a HT) that thick strands of hair dont just start sprouting out of the scalp. You see a lot more good ones on here because mostly, only people with good HT's are posting them. A bad HT is the most embarrassing thing after balding, cause now your caught trying to cover up a thing you were very self concious about. Now people don't look at you cause your young and bald, but cause your young and bald with a bunch of doll hair on your head.

I don't care if people admit it or not. HT are and look unnatural. The ones that look the best are the ones done to people who have not lost all thier hair. So thier HT covers up the bald spot then thier real hair fills it in or actually is used to cover up the HT.

Another thing is... the scar is itchy, your whole life you have a scar on your head that itches. The top of your head will grow ingrown hairs (because its not supposed to be there) and those are painful and abnormal, not to mention can get infected.

Wind becomes your worst nightmare, if your hair moves and allows sunlight on your scalp now your HT looks obvious. Even if other people can't tell, you can... and thats all that matter.

I though balding sucked... covering it up and making sure no one ever finds out is twice as bad. If you think explaining to someone that your 22 and balding is tough... try explaining to them that you have hair that was originally on the back of your head planted on the top of your head to cover it up...

Also, you'll notice not a lot of people with HT's giving advice on this forum, at least not from what I see. Its a lot of peoplet talking about pictures they saw and how they are thinking about it. Wonder why that is....