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Hello all...
I'm sitting here at 03:45 not quite believing that I have been reduced to whining on the Internet but I don't have anywhere else to vent my frustrations and anger - yes anger.
I woke up about 15 minutes ago with a dread/sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Last night the mirror revealed yet another cataclysmic addition to the amount of scalp showing on my head. The last time I looked in the mirror was probably about a month ago and in this time my hair has thinned even more. The last year my hair loss has accelerated at such a sickening speed I feel I will be a full NW7 12 months from now.
My story began about 17 years ago when I was 15. I had always been aware of my dad's extreme baldness (never known him with any hair) but I had the mindset of "It won't happen to me" because his father still had good amounts of hair. I figured dad was just unlucky and it would skip me.
One day my mother made a passing comment that she thought I would end up like my dad and from that moment on the fear of hair loss pretty much took over my life. I began noticing that my hairline was not straight like my friends. I had always had a natural V shape at the front and I started using extreme measures to cover it up. I would get a razor and shave the first half inch of the V off so that my hairline became straight (this is something I still do now).
Every morning I would check how much hair was on my pillow.... actually spend 15 minutes counting the fall out and stressing over this all day. I wouldn’t use combs with closely grouped teeth. Washed my hair as little as possible because I could not stand watching it all flow down the plug hole.
I would go for months without looking in the mirror, during which time I convinced myself that I was just imagining the loss and everything was ok. However when I did pluck up the courage reality would hit me like a ton of bricks. This cycle went on for years.
When I was 21 I was admitted to hospital with a life threatening stomach disease which almost killed me. During my time there I was not concerned in the slightest about dying..... All I could think about was my thinning hair.
A few years later I began taking propecia which I ordered from a UK website. I suddenly had hope and I actually convinced myself the drug was working. I don't know... maybe it was. I suddenly had a zest for life and the year I spent taking the drug from this site is honestly the only period in the last 15 years that I can say I felt anywhere close to normal.
However, the site put their prices up and I was forced to look elsewhere for my fix. I found a place called Inhouse Pharmacy and I ordered some propecia. Since then I swear everything has sped up. I'm not saying their drugs are fake or anything but I have DEFINITELY lost more hair in the last year or two than I have over the previous 15. I have tried 3 different forms of finasteride from there (propecia, proscar and now fincar) and I can honestly say they haven't done anything to help me. It’s as if the drug from the first site helped.... then as promised, after ceasing taking it, hair went to the state it would have been prior to starting.
And here we are today...... I am faced with another day of hell, and I use this word "hell" on purpose. I (unfortunately) work as a teacher and I regularly have to endure taunts of "baldy" from students. This absolutely destroys my soul and I actually feel sick. I feel like they do not take me seriously because of my hair loss and I guess I don't blame them because I don't even take myself seriously.
My parents (god bless them) have had to put up with my depressed moods for 17 years but I can't help resenting them for A) not being able to help me and B) for putting me here to endure this in the first place. At first they were understanding, but now they don't want to know. They just don't understand what this is putting me through and can't believe it when I tell them their "just get over it" advice does not help in the slightest.
Theres a guy going around the forums with quite extreme views on hair loss (I.e. don't have children) but I have to admit I agree with almost everything he is saying. Baldness IS unattractive and utterly destroys confidence. I haven't had a girl look at me twice since my hair loss has gotten really bad. If I had a choice with being born and not being born I would choose the latter because I am now faced with a life sentence of what I refer to as "slow torture".
I am at the stage now where I honestly don't know how to deal with this and I cannot rule out topping myself. This has become an obsession and I do appreciate that my situation and feelings are perhaps more extreme than most. I simply cannot envision living up to 50 more years like this. I never go out (other than work), never do anything. I just sleep as much as I possibly can. This cruel disease has robbed me of my life (and 2 relationships).
I have been handed a life sentence of this and my crime? I was born into a family with sub-par genetics. I get so frustrated when I see criminals on TV - all the armed robbers - all the asbo yobs. All these scum seem to have perfect hair and me (who has never broken a rule or hurt anyone in his life) gets this crappy deal.
What now? I really don't know. I was hoping getting all this off my chest would help but it hasn't. I still have a huge bald patch on my head. My hairline is still halfway up my skull. I am still ugly and I still know there’s not a damm thing I can do about it.
I'm sitting here at 03:45 not quite believing that I have been reduced to whining on the Internet but I don't have anywhere else to vent my frustrations and anger - yes anger.
I woke up about 15 minutes ago with a dread/sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Last night the mirror revealed yet another cataclysmic addition to the amount of scalp showing on my head. The last time I looked in the mirror was probably about a month ago and in this time my hair has thinned even more. The last year my hair loss has accelerated at such a sickening speed I feel I will be a full NW7 12 months from now.
My story began about 17 years ago when I was 15. I had always been aware of my dad's extreme baldness (never known him with any hair) but I had the mindset of "It won't happen to me" because his father still had good amounts of hair. I figured dad was just unlucky and it would skip me.
One day my mother made a passing comment that she thought I would end up like my dad and from that moment on the fear of hair loss pretty much took over my life. I began noticing that my hairline was not straight like my friends. I had always had a natural V shape at the front and I started using extreme measures to cover it up. I would get a razor and shave the first half inch of the V off so that my hairline became straight (this is something I still do now).
Every morning I would check how much hair was on my pillow.... actually spend 15 minutes counting the fall out and stressing over this all day. I wouldn’t use combs with closely grouped teeth. Washed my hair as little as possible because I could not stand watching it all flow down the plug hole.
I would go for months without looking in the mirror, during which time I convinced myself that I was just imagining the loss and everything was ok. However when I did pluck up the courage reality would hit me like a ton of bricks. This cycle went on for years.
When I was 21 I was admitted to hospital with a life threatening stomach disease which almost killed me. During my time there I was not concerned in the slightest about dying..... All I could think about was my thinning hair.
A few years later I began taking propecia which I ordered from a UK website. I suddenly had hope and I actually convinced myself the drug was working. I don't know... maybe it was. I suddenly had a zest for life and the year I spent taking the drug from this site is honestly the only period in the last 15 years that I can say I felt anywhere close to normal.
However, the site put their prices up and I was forced to look elsewhere for my fix. I found a place called Inhouse Pharmacy and I ordered some propecia. Since then I swear everything has sped up. I'm not saying their drugs are fake or anything but I have DEFINITELY lost more hair in the last year or two than I have over the previous 15. I have tried 3 different forms of finasteride from there (propecia, proscar and now fincar) and I can honestly say they haven't done anything to help me. It’s as if the drug from the first site helped.... then as promised, after ceasing taking it, hair went to the state it would have been prior to starting.
And here we are today...... I am faced with another day of hell, and I use this word "hell" on purpose. I (unfortunately) work as a teacher and I regularly have to endure taunts of "baldy" from students. This absolutely destroys my soul and I actually feel sick. I feel like they do not take me seriously because of my hair loss and I guess I don't blame them because I don't even take myself seriously.
My parents (god bless them) have had to put up with my depressed moods for 17 years but I can't help resenting them for A) not being able to help me and B) for putting me here to endure this in the first place. At first they were understanding, but now they don't want to know. They just don't understand what this is putting me through and can't believe it when I tell them their "just get over it" advice does not help in the slightest.
Theres a guy going around the forums with quite extreme views on hair loss (I.e. don't have children) but I have to admit I agree with almost everything he is saying. Baldness IS unattractive and utterly destroys confidence. I haven't had a girl look at me twice since my hair loss has gotten really bad. If I had a choice with being born and not being born I would choose the latter because I am now faced with a life sentence of what I refer to as "slow torture".
I am at the stage now where I honestly don't know how to deal with this and I cannot rule out topping myself. This has become an obsession and I do appreciate that my situation and feelings are perhaps more extreme than most. I simply cannot envision living up to 50 more years like this. I never go out (other than work), never do anything. I just sleep as much as I possibly can. This cruel disease has robbed me of my life (and 2 relationships).
I have been handed a life sentence of this and my crime? I was born into a family with sub-par genetics. I get so frustrated when I see criminals on TV - all the armed robbers - all the asbo yobs. All these scum seem to have perfect hair and me (who has never broken a rule or hurt anyone in his life) gets this crappy deal.
What now? I really don't know. I was hoping getting all this off my chest would help but it hasn't. I still have a huge bald patch on my head. My hairline is still halfway up my skull. I am still ugly and I still know there’s not a damm thing I can do about it.
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