The Shaved Head

[Fixed by 35]

Wow, I try to come on here and provide some wisdom, advice, and I get bashed...I'm simply astonished and embarrassed for some of the members that this forum creates. It's honestly sad and disappointing that you put down the people trying to help the most.

I think perhaps people have been a little harsh on you. It's clear you're (mostly) only trying to help, however I will say I don't agree with you on much at all.

You say you come on here to provide wisdom and advice. Okay, but repeating unsubstantiated cliches that appear all over the web is not wisdom. It's hearsay and the experiences of the people on this forum invariably don't match what people like you say. People are all too willing to say baldness is okay because they want to look tolerant. They're all David Brent's really; they want to say the right thing but in reality hold bigoted opinions about a lot of things (I'm sure a lot of us do, I still firmly believe that the French are disgusting for not washing their hands after going to the toilet).

I think the worst cliche is that baldness isn't that bad. If that were the case, how do you answer this theoretical problem:

How can hair loss be no big deal when surveys suggest it has a negative impact on over 80% of men's confidence and is a catalyst of an identity crisis in millions. And think deeply about this: isn't the guy who combs his hair over and the guy who desperately pumps iron at the gym to 'compensate' just reacting differently to the same mental illness? How many balding people do you know whose personalities didn't change, for good or ill, when they started losing their hair?

And what about this applied question:

If baldness doesn't matter, why do talentless lumps like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt get better roles than Patrick Stewart ever did?

The reality is that:

Baldness will affect your career. In some cases, this will be through outright 'ageist' discrimination. More often though, it will be through either a lack of confidence or an identity crisis which leads to a career change. My performance at work suffered for years because of baldness because of both a lack of confidence and an identity crisis. There was a fair amount of discrimination against the 'unpretty' too!

Baldness will affect your relationships. I haven't seen friends from school or university for 8 years because I can't bear the thought of them seeing me bald. I want them to remember me how I was before the identity crisis (e.g. a lot less grumpy, overconfident).

Baldness is not attractive. Some women like baldness, but some women like fat blokes too. The general consensus is that it's ugly, but it's not polite to say so.

Okay, that's the downside and, I think, the reality. Contrary to the opinion of the meat head fraternity, this is largely unavoidable. You can't just magic your confidence back by realising your worst fears with a razor. That said, there are coping mechanisms. But you'll only ever discover yours once you accept baldness for what it is (a load of crap and a genetic defect), rather than polite society's cliched view that it's 'okay.'

[moses0324]

Wow, I try to come on here and provide some wisdom, advice, and I get bashed...I'm simply astonished and embarrassed for some of the members that this forum creates. It's honestly sad and disappointing that you put down the people trying to help the most.

To the member questioning my presence here. I log on occasionally to help inform people about hairloss, drugs, shaving, HT's, etc. While hairloss does bother me to some extent it isn't a "life" stopper. I have learned to grow up and accept it. It's life.

Again I'm astonished by the immaturity on this forum. Ultimatley it's up to you individually to get beyond it. If you don't, oh well. No one is gonna cry for you. Honestly no one cares but you. If you can't see that then you have a lot of thinking to do. While some figure it out sooner than others. Few will ever find it. I feel sorry for them. Goodnight. I'll try to refrain from responding in the future. Thanks

[DAVE52]

I understand but sometime the truth hurts
It's hairloss ......there isn't much you can do about it
If you are going to lose your hair then it's goign to happen ......eventually .
Take all the herbs, potions, lotions , propecia we want ......eventually the hair will fall out .
If someone decides to go the HT rout be prepared and have realistic expectations .
I did and although mine doesn't look terrible it isn't as dense as I would like it and now I have a bald crown that I am self concious about and that I get ribbed about at work .
I have no desire to go back and get another HT so I try and accept what I have . It's very difficult . Because now I feel liek I did 9 yrs ago ...all stressed out everyday .........
I often wish I would have had the courgae to buzz it alomng time ago life would be so much simpler and happier

[Dude]

...you guys are so riduclous. again life is what you make of it....if you want to be depressed, miserable, and down...then thats your perogative. dont bring anyone else down with you. and my guess is you will have a hard time finding a person who will care or sympathize. the truth is, most of you are being very unreasonable.

I have seen posts from him giving helpful info but this?
I don't see how this kind response helps anyone. But hey...who am I to judge.

[gmonasco]

And "OMG, I'm losing my hair and can't stand it; what can I do?" isn't the only reaction to hair loss. Some people don't view hair loss as a life-threatening crisis but may still hope to be able to do something about it someday.

[DAVE52]

Hey Moses0324,

Not sure why you even visit or post on this forum.

People are affected by balding in so many ways. Some can and do just accept it. For others...it's not that easy.

Maybe he had issues with hairloss at first then learned to adapt / accept / come to terms with it

Now, maybe he wants to help other people goign through the same things he did

Nothign wrong with that

[Sogeking]

Hey Moses0324,

Not sure why you even visit or post on this forum. You seem to have it all figured out. "it's just hair". you say. If that's the way you feel and your soooo accepting of your balding...why do you still visit these hair loss forums. I would think if I accepted my balding, I would never visit this site or any other hair loss site. I accepted it...what do I care. My guess is that you haven't really accepted it and are in need of some moral support. I guess that's the only reason I can justify why you would still take time out of your day to post on here.
People are affected by balding in so many ways. Some can and do just accept it. For others...it's not that easy.

You are too harsh. Some people tend to be pragmatic. If you are going bald world won't stop. Your friends won't start hating you, and you certainly are not impaired except maybe in physical looks (depends on other factors). So some men accept it, and live their life not worrying about it. That doesn't mean they don't want their hair back. I'm losing my hair, so should I start crying and cursing the luck, genes, fates, world, universe, deity(s) in whom some believe? That won't ammount to anything and it certainly won't help me in my everyday obligations. Life goes on.

For me the best course of action is to work hard, save money and wait for a really good treatment or possibly a cure.

But hey you can do whatever you want.

[Dude]

Hey Moses0324,

Not sure why you even visit or post on this forum. You seem to have it all figured out. "it's just hair". you say. If that's the way you feel and your soooo accepting of your balding...why do you still visit these hair loss forums. I would think if I accepted my balding, I would never visit this site or any other hair loss site. I accepted it...what do I care. My guess is that you haven't really accepted it and are in need of some moral support. I guess that's the only reason I can justify why you would still take time out of your day to post on here.
People are affected by balding in so many ways. Some can and do just accept it. For others...it's not that easy.

[jimmy1978]

When I registered on this forum and posted my first thread I honestly thought that OK I am starting to thin but who cares, I'll shave my head when the thinning turns to baldness, But I have to be honest I don't think I can lose my hair. It's actually a traumatic experience My hair is important to me and I am thinking of trying to beat it but not sure where to start, I might see the doc see what he can do but I refuse to shave my head, Like the op posted at the beginning, Most people don't suit shaved heads and I am one of them, You need a certain stocky build to pull it off and I am fairly thin. Lets tackle this bastard head on

[kanyon]

I'm thinking of shaving my head in June the day after my girlfriend moves overseas for a while.

It would be a shock for me and my friends as I wear my hair long and shaggy and do my best to cover up the thin parts and receded hairline.

I'm pretty sure I'll look terrible with a shaved head but I want to give it a go before I get an HT or anything radical. So I'm wondering, has anyone shaved their head, hated it and then worn a wig til the hair grew back?

[moses0324]

Moses,
To me it gets beyond a therapist level and destroys my self esteem..All these hobbies and fun places to go sound great but hairloss destroys it for some of us and doesn't let us do those things. We only have our mind on one thing. HAIR!!!!!

hahaha you guys make it seem as though you lost a vital organ or limb...its just hair. some parts of me want to feel bad for you while other parts make me want to just laugh...you guys are so riduclous. again life is what you make of it....if you want to be depressed, miserable, and down...then thats your perogative. dont bring anyone else down with you. and my guess is you will have a hard time finding a person who will care or sympathize. the truth is, most of you are being very unreasonable. and many other people will feel the same way, which in turn will make you feel even worse because you will be alone!!! its a domino effect. but hey, i cant live your life for you. good luck!!!

[moses0324]

Moses,
To me it gets beyond a therapist level and destroys my self esteem..All these hobbies and fun places to go sound great but hairloss destroys it for some of us and doesn't let us do those things. We only have our mind on one thing. HAIR!!!!!

hahaha you guys make it seem as though you lost a vital organ or limb...its just hair. some parts of me want to feel bad for you while other parts make me want to just laugh...you guys are so riduclous. again life is what you make of it....if you want to be depressed, miserable, and down...then thats your perogative. dont bring anyone else down with you. and my guess is you will have a hard time finding a person who will care or sympathize. the truth is, most of you are being very unreasonable. and many other people will feel the same way, which in turn will make you feel even worse. its a domino effect. but hey, i cant live your life for you. good luck!!!

[mattj]

Me too. I refuse to father children on those grounds. I can't risk having a son go through the absolute torture that I have endured for the last 15 years.

Hairloss can take a terrible psychological toll on a person, clearly, but I think you're taking an unreasonable attitude here. If you want children then you shouldn't deny yourself that on the basis of your own experience with hairloss. From what I read in another thread, a major factor of your hairloss problem has been with a poor transplant. Your child (assuming you end up with a boy) would have his father's wisdom to learn from and wouldn't repeat that mistake, and in all probability there are two decades between now and his having to face that sort of decision, by which time better treatments will surely be available.

I don't want to speak out of turn, but in the other thread you mentioned having a great wife. This is the sort of issue that can cause good men to lose good wives. Hairloss is simply not serious enough, the odds of your child experiencing it not certain enough, and the future for treatments too darn promising for fear of being genetically responsible for potential hairloss anguish in your offspring to be a rational barrier to starting a family.

[dgman21]

Moses,
To me it gets beyond a therapist level and destroys my self esteem..All these hobbies and fun places to go sound great but hairloss destroys it for some of us and doesn't let us do those things. We only have our mind on one thing. HAIR!!!!!

[Synchro]

The only thing that reduces the misery of my hair loss is refusing to pass it on. I hate the gene with a passion and I take a huge amount of satisfaction that I'm going to kill the bastard.

Me too. I refuse to father children on those grounds. I can't risk having a son go through the absolute torture that I have endured for the last 15 years.