Girlfriend dumped me this Thursday... For a guy with a full head of hair

[baldozer]

Thank you for that story Jasari! It proves what I've been thinking lately is true.

Girls do not hate bald men. They could be turned on by a bald guy, they could be seduced by one, it doesn't change much in the end even if your appearance takes a turn for the worst.

It's the media, the movies, the TV shows, our culture that these girls will eat up without thinking that tells them and convince them that bald men are not to be considered for a relationship or fling.

It's the same with height: girls will say "no he must be tall" without giving it much thought. Why? It's just culturally accepted, but the girl could very well go out with a guy shorter than her and be aroused and happy.

Girls are so easily influenced by their environment unfortunately.

That is true. There was even one research paper (I can't remember which) which said that girls are most attracted to men with average height. However, the media constantly bombard us with the logic that tall men are the most attractive.

[fred970]

Thank you for that story Jasari! It proves what I've been thinking lately is true.

Girls do not hate bald men. They could be turned on by a bald guy, they could be seduced by one, it doesn't change much in the end even if your appearance takes a turn for the worst.

It's the media, the movies, the TV shows, our culture that these girls will eat up without thinking that tells them and convince them that bald men are not to be considered for a relationship or fling.

It's the same with height: girls will say "no he must be tall" without giving it much thought. Why? It's just culturally accepted, but the girl could very well go out with a guy shorter than her and be aroused and happy.

Girls are so easily influenced by their environment unfortunately.

[Jasari]

There used to be this girl I liked. One day, we were talking together about some random stuff when suddenly baldness (not related to me) came up. She didn't knew I was balding (it wasn't really noticable yet), so I got her uncensored opinion on bald men. She thought bald men were scary.

When I was younger I used to take everything girls said for gospel. As I got older I realised that often times girls said one thing only to contradict themselves with their actions not long after.

As an example; About 4 years ago [Before my first HT] I was on holiday in Prague. At this time I was a Norwood 4a [Fortunately this style of hair-loss while advanced is limited to the front] and with a lot of styling & hopefully a lack of wind I was able to conceal it with a kind of terrible Bieber-ish fringe.

Long story short me & a few friends booked in to do a pub crawl through the city. Now earlier that day I had lost a big chunk of money & was in a terrible mood. I was pretty much going out to get trashed. Anyway we get to the first bar & within minutes meet a group of around 5 20 year old American girls [Surprisingly not drinking - I guess they took the American 21 year age limit seriously].

A few drinks go by and they notice my mate is wearing at hat. Obviously they get curious and ask whether he's bald [Because of course only bald guys wear caps lol]. Now my friend has a full thick head of Norwood 1 hair. He takes off his hat & the girls tell him how much better he looks.

At this point I was rather curious. I've seemingly managed to conceal my hair loss to these girls so I asked them: Why do you care if he's bald? Universally they turn to me & say 'being bald is a deal breaker'.

Now I looked at all these girls & two were stunners. The other three weren't winning any modelling contracts lol. I probed a little further and got virtually the same response. I was crushed. For the next 45 minutes of the 'happy hour' I downed about 6 pints.

A bell rang [Which indicates it's time to head out to the next bar & I was off. The moment I went outside a big gust of wind hit & ruined my hair. Fortunately I was drunk enough to not give a ****].

I spent the duration of the next pub stop talking to a range of European girls. I can't remember much but I know I had fun.

Anyway: Around two hours later I'd sobered up and made it to the final stop. A 5 story nightclub on Karlovy Lane. Terrible pace to be honest. I make my way up to the fifth floor & bump into the prettiest of the American girls. She stops looks at me & goes 'Wow, you're really bald". Now if I was stone cold sober I would have probably said something offensive & walked away, but I was still drunk enough not to care. I smiled, looked her dead in the eyes and said 'So what?'.

Within about 20 minutes we were making out on the dance floor. I said to her "I thought being bald was a deal breaker". She shrugged. We got together a few more times over the next few days before leaving for our subsequent destinations.

This moment however has always stuck with me. It was the first time I realised that you can't take everything a girl says seriously. Since then, I've witnessed countless events where a girls actions contradict her words.

TLDR: Girls are fickle. Don't take what they say to heart [As hard as that might be].

[mpbsucks]

Okay, so I've been dating this really pretty blonde haired, blue eyed girl for a few months and we had been friends before for about a year. I hate smug assholes so I'm not trying to brag, but I'd like to say that I'm a fairly interesting guy. Also not unattractive other than my hair really. I'm working toward a pilots license and an EMT certification, I've got a scuba certification, and I'm a pretty decent guitar player. I go and see a lot of small time concerts and bands on the weekend in the city I live close to, and I do a lot of camping and kayaking trips in the summer. Yet, the bitch ditches me for a dude who is kind of fat, doesn't have a job or direction in life, and only cares about his car and his XBox. Yet, he has hair, and she told me she wished I could do something about my hair but I told her there was only so much I could do. I'm sure that wasn't the only factor but damn guys I treated her like an angel. Way better than I should have I guess. Whatever, I think she'll regret it. Sorry for the rant guys but why do so many people judge on looks alone? Even if it's just a couple of flaws?

The ultimate revenge? Get your pilots license and fly by her house at high speed in the morning, she'll spill her coffee on her shirt. all jokes aside, what a harsh beeotch, better off without her man

[Alex88]

But still, baldness is being judged and it's not only because our insecurities are reflected back from others. What exactly do you mean with internal validation? Do you mean that if people stare at you, it's a validation that people are judging you for your hair loss? Do you mean that people are treating you differently? I'm not sure with you mean by this internal validation. You imply that this internal validation is often incorrect, but imo this depends on what this internal validation actually is. [I'm getting a little to abstract/vague at this point, my bad]


You can improve yourself but don't lie. If you perceive yourself with hair and can't repair it you're just coping with the problem and you know it.

While this is pretty good advice, it's a bit depressing too. It's pretty hard though when all your peers are NW1. You want to fit in. You want to be like them, be what is considered normal. You want to perceive yourself with hair. Trying to perceive yourself as a bald guy is likely to be a better way of living as you're not setting unrealistic expectations but achieving this kind of mentality is really hard when your environment implies it's normal to perceive yourself with hair. It almost feels like you're accepting and admitting to the fact that you don't fit in, which is kind of painful as we all want to be accepted.

And that brings me back to that girl I liked who said she thought bald men were scary. Sure, we were (and are btw) 17. At such an age, shallowness knows no depth (no pun intended). But damn, it really felt like I was about to join a group of unaccepted people. And once I would be in that group, I would never be able to leave.

i agree with you to a certain point. on the other hand i might have to clarify my position - i don't want acceptance by everybody because this in a society when everyone one have different standards on what beauty is (an we cannot control it),i want at least being beautiful for myself.
Then MAYBE there will be acceptance by others,because again you can't control what other people think of you. But you can draw a line - culture and media,those two are ****ed up and mixed upon how people can be perceived in life and relationships.

If suddently we could have a society where a bald man is the highest form of masculinity walking among mortals we could forget our problems because that is a form of beauty that we can use to feel better and forget about it.

But then again - society and media depict balding men as a minority,as something that yes,it's existing but not really good. Being bald is for..... muscleheads,old people,intellectuals,political activists with a bad agenda and if you don't fit it,you can't do something about it. You have to choose the stereotype

You are literally forcerd to BE into a group of misfits. Not to be yourself,AH,that's another thing.

There's little you can do about it - you want to be accepted?
those days are over,you're not young anymore,you're balding,that means no one look you as a complete human being. No,well,my bad - i meant this : you're an inferior human being. You're not complete or normal.

I don't wanna sound like an asshole but what really makes me feel angry about this thing is that NOBODY have the guts to say it - we are a minority,an awful large minority and we suffer discrimination. And saying the opposite to me is just ..... a thing i seen way to much times and i'm sick of commenting.

sorry for the lenght

[Illusion]

it's all a matter of self image,in my own experience. I had a hard time building up some confidence due being totally lacking on the self esteem-front and when i did,BAM! baldness hit me like a ****ing train. It's not easy for one having problems with himself already,let alone one that is normal and young in an extremely judgemental society.

Throughout high school I had the whole acne thing going on & as a result was extremely self conscious. Zero confidence. I finally got rid of it at 18 & thought "Dude, I look pretty damn good". 6 months later hair loss started and by 22 I was probably a Norwood 4a.

Yeah I can relate to this. I had really bad acne and took Accutane for quite a while when I was younger (15 y/o). Then a couple of years later MPB hits me only this time it's different. This time I know things are not going to get better with age (as acne usually does) but only worse.

There used to be this girl I liked. One day, we were talking together about some random stuff when suddenly baldness (not related to me) came up. She didn't knew I was balding (it wasn't really noticable yet), so I got her uncensored opinion on bald men. She thought bald men were scary.

That was a huge hit to my self esteem. It was the first clear sign that baldness was going to close some doors for me with regards to dating and how I would be looked upon. I'm not so sure about the whole "baldness doesn't necessarily make you less attractive", Jasari. Maybe I interpreted your posts wrong though. I'm probably biased anyway, as most people on this site are. Sure, other people don't look at baldness the same way as we do. We magnify the possible worse things that can happen to us when we would be bald. I'm sure that society doesn't hate bald people because they're bald, a thought that I sometimes see on this forum.

But still, baldness is being judged and it's not only because our insecurities are reflected back from others. What exactly do you mean with internal validation? Do you mean that if people stare at you, it's a validation that people are judging you for your hair loss? Do you mean that people are treating you differently? I'm not sure with you mean by this internal validation. You imply that this internal validation is often incorrect, but imo this depends on what this internal validation actually is. [I'm getting a little to abstract/vague at this point, my bad]


You can improve yourself but don't lie. If you perceive yourself with hair and can't repair it you're just coping with the problem and you know it.

While this is pretty good advice, it's a bit depressing too. It's pretty hard though when all your peers are NW1. You want to fit in. You want to be like them, be what is considered normal. You want to perceive yourself with hair. Trying to perceive yourself as a bald guy is likely to be a better way of living as you're not setting unrealistic expectations but achieving this kind of mentality is really hard when your environment implies it's normal to perceive yourself with hair. It almost feels like you're accepting and admitting to the fact that you don't fit in, which is kind of painful as we all want to be accepted.

And that brings me back to that girl I liked who said she thought bald men were scary. Sure, we were (and are btw) 17. At such an age, shallowness knows no depth (no pun intended). But damn, it really felt like I was about to join a group of unaccepted people. And once I would be in that group, I would never be able to leave.

[Alex88]

Sure,i agree with you on the matter. However dealing with self image and baldness it's a 50/50 to me - and the side where we push this thing in the face of strangers is pretty much fueled by a 25% of stress we have and 25% confidence - the other half is the number of people liking baldness or not liking it at all.

on the other hand - for women baldness is even worse
I had sex with a girl with a wig once. She was destroyed by alopecia,but since i was already bald myself i said didn't care. She was crying because when i said it she told me that alot of guys looked at her like she was a .... let's say and unattractive woman. Well,if this isnt being into a judgemental society i don't know what else it is really.

mind this,i'm not doing the whole "the grass is greener on the other side" because it's actually way worse than this. Reality is a bad looking bitch,but we have to pay and have a ride even if there is some STD going on.....
stay strong,my fellow baldies!!

[Jasari]

it's all a matter of self image,in my own experience. I had a hard time building up some confidence due being totally lacking on the self esteem-front and when i did,BAM! baldness hit me like a ****ing train. It's not easy for one having problems with himself already,let alone one that is normal and young in an extremely judgemental society.

Throughout high school I had the whole acne thing going on & as a result was extremely self conscious. Zero confidence. I finally got rid of it at 18 & thought "Dude, I look pretty damn good". 6 months later hair loss started and by 22 I was probably a Norwood 4a.

I had an FUE treatment to get my hairline back & hair loss progressed. Then I shaved down with a razor. I actually had a lot of success with beautiful women, but like yourself hated the 'Im the bald guy look'. I always perceived myself with hair.

Subsequently I've had a second HT & much prefer the look. What I have learnt however is that other people don't see hair loss in the same way. Most of the doom and gloom is self manifesting & our own insecurities are often times reflected back from others giving us this internal validation that 'Yes, people are judging my hair loss' when the reality is that we are subconsciously highlighting the issue.

[Jasari]

I disagree with the "you just lose like 1 point by going bald". Every attractive guy I know, would lose most, if not all of their good looks if they were to suddenly become bald.
You may be good looking with a head full of hair, but if you don't have a personality, you won't be seen as sexy. But if you're bald, it doesn't matter how your personality is, you won't be seen as attractive in either case.
You might build muscles and get a nice body, but it will never compensate for your baldness, it won't ever make up for that "1 point" you claim a guy loses because of baldness, except if you're one of the 0.0001% of the exceptions who retain their good looks even after their hair loss.

That's all in your head. I felt the exact same way when I started losing my hair, but the reality is that feeling is an irrational emotional response. If someone is unattractive after hair loss, chances are they were never attractive to begin with.

The biggest issue is how you perceive yourself. For me personally I don't want to be the bald guy [I'm not bald yet thanks to HT's, but if some future treatment doesn't arrive soon…]. I actually hate being the bald guy. I'm not irrational enough to think it has killed my appearance. It hasn't [I shaved down for a year before my 2nd HT]. I think in a lot of cases people hate being 'the bald guy' so much that we paint this picture of how people perceive us. It's self manifesting.

The biggest issue that throws out the way you look is the loss of a hair line. The best thing anyone can do if they want to limit the worst effects of hair loss [To your appearance] is to take care of the hairline with FUE. Even with a thinning crown you'll retain age appropriate look to your face.

[Alex88]

it's all a matter of self image,in my own experience. I had a hard time building up some confidence due being totally lacking on the self esteem-front and when i did,BAM! baldness hit me like a ****ing train. It's not easy for one having problems with himself already,let alone one that is normal and young in an extremely judgemental society.

If you go bald too young you're ruined. You can work for it,but is not the same thing as being seen as "normal" and "decent". You look sick and old. And then you feel sick and old that is worse,but strangely enough baldness is something that is not regarded as a serious mental-injuring sickness. But the general opinion seems to be like this -
Stress = "bad for your health"
Baldness (which cause stress) = "eh,whatever,grow a pair!"
what a strange world!

Then again,in my experience i did exactly like you mentioned - i gave up my expectations because i simply can't have all my hair as i had them when i was 18. The number of grafts in the donor area are insufficient and i should rely on body hair. Guess what,i'm 26 and i am stuck with a norwood 6 with a hair transplant gone bad and severe scarring. I'm pretty much done with it - and I DONT LIKE IT,mostly because i always had long hair and i feel mutilated. And here i'm speaking how i perceive myself,and it's like having a brake pulled for everything you do because it it's embarassing showing the ****ing bald spots.
Some girls like it,most don't. Sometimes i go around with a ****ing hat on an i don't like it,i see elders with a head full of hair and i'm jelous.

You can improve yourself but don't lie. If you perceive yourself with hair and can't repair it you're just coping with the problem and you know it.

[Illusion]

I think most of the young guys think this way. When you are in your late teen/early twenties you think 30yo is so long from now. It isn't. It will be here before you know it. I think I had that mentality when I started losing hair at 22. Well I am 38 and guess what? I still care about losing hair. I still care because I still care about my appearance. I think once you give up on yourself then you no longer care about your hair loss. This can happen at 25, 35, or 65. If you are one of those guys that has the goal to just have hair long enough to find a wife then you might only care until you get married. At this point I can't see the day where I just give up on myself and what I look like.

Ver interesting. Obviously, the things I say are coming from 17 y/o me and I can't really imagine yet how my mindset (not only regarding hair loss, also about women [dating etc] or even life in general) will be in 15 years. You're spot on about thinking that 30 y/o is far, far away from now. And you're also spot on regarding the bolded part, I often feel that way. But when you think about it, it's really not that logical. I'd imagine that very few people on this forum will say "I'm in a stable, serious relationship now, appearance doesn't matter anymore, let's stop investing time&money in hair loss treatments and go bald." while they have spend a lot of years going through emotional rollercoasters, investing time and money trying to keep/regrow their hair.

Regarding giving up on yourself, this is what I often wonder with people who are accepting baldness these days. Are they really accepting baldness? Or do they just don't care about their looks? Is it something else? I often try to understand someones reasons to accept baldness and to just shave it off when the time has come instead of doing something against it when we have treatments available to do it nowadays. Maybe they just don't realize that baldness will hit your appearance pretty hard?

Anyway, I've told you my current mindset regarding hair loss ("if I can get to X years old with a good head of hair, I'm happy) but what is yours? You say you can't see the day where you just give up on yourself and what you look like (and thus stopping treatment and letting nature go its way) but how do you get by on a day to day basis regarding hair loss? I can imagine that thinking "I want to keep my hair for the rest om my life" is a thought that can be hard to go by on because "the rest of my life" is so far away. Surely even you have some vague idea in your head regarding an age that you want to reach with a reasonable head of hair? Not saying that after that age it will not be important anymore, just less of a big deal.

[Notcoolanymore]

That brings me to the following question to other young hair loss sufferers: Do you guys also think "I just want to keep a good head of hair until I am [insert age here], if I could do that it would be good enough for me" pretty often? It's pretty much the mentality I live by on a day to day basis regarding hair loss.

I think most of the young guys think this way. When you are in your late teen/early twenties you think 30yo is so long from now. It isn't. It will be here before you know it. I think I had that mentality when I started losing hair at 22. Well I am 38 and guess what? I still care about losing hair. I still care because I still care about my appearance. I think once you give up on yourself then you no longer care about your hair loss. This can happen at 25, 35, or 65. If you are one of those guys that has the goal to just have hair long enough to find a wife then you might only care until you get married. At this point I can't see the day where I just give up on myself and what I look like.

[Rizaan]

I disagree with the "you just lose like 1 point by going bald". Every attractive guy I know, would lose most, if not all of their good looks if they were to suddenly become bald.
You may be good looking with a head full of hair, but if you don't have a personality, you won't be seen as sexy. But if you're bald, it doesn't matter how your personality is, you won't be seen as attractive in either case.
You might build muscles and get a nice body, but it will never compensate for your baldness, it won't ever make up for that "1 point" you claim a guy loses because of baldness, except if you're one of the 0.0001% of the exceptions who retain their good looks even after their hair loss.

[Jasari]

You're on point with that last paragraph though, hair loss did give me a wake up call, I'm in great physical shape, eat a great diet and work out. I dress well and try to have a confident intelligent personality. I'm not even out of high school and already can do more than many people my age. Definitely uped my game due to hair loss, and that's probably the only good thing it's done for me. And fortunately I am still attractive, I just didnt have the pretty boy looks that she wanted her boyfriend to have

I think you missed the point with my initial post but never mind. One thing I learnt about women a while back [And I'm still in my 20's mind you] is to try not to take anything they say too seriously.

Women are very indecisive. They might say I'll only date a guy with 'big muscles' & next thing you know she's dating a skinny computer programmer. She might say 'hair loss' is a deal breaker & her next boyfriend is bald.

Women are socially programmed to go with the pack. If you care about something they care about something, if you don't neither will they.

Obviously looks matter BUT... More or less men will date within a point of where they fall on the scale of attractiveness - The thing is: Hairloss alone won't change this. You'll drop maybe 1 point max but the quality of women you will date will be virtually the same.

In any case: The too long didn't read:

When you lose your hair [In 99% of cases] you can still look as attractive, if not more so than you were pre-hairloss. Why? Most people are complacent.

[Kudu]

At the end of the day hair is but 1 attribute that makes up how attractive a face looks. If looks are rated on a scale of 1-10; Hair loss [Depending on how far it's progressed can probably take up to a point away from your looks.

In that regard it sucks but it isn't the end of the world. You can gain 'points' elsewhere. Build muscle, lose body fat, whiten your teeth, improve your charm etc etc.

Most people are nowhere near their potential as a person [Both physically & intellectually]. Perhaps the best way to view hair loss is as a wake-up call. Use it to force yourself into action & you maybe be able to become more attractive than you may have ever been with hair [Without hair-loss would there be the same motivation for self improvement?].

You're on point with that last paragraph though, hair loss did give me a wake up call, I'm in great physical shape, eat a great diet and work out. I dress well and try to have a confident intelligent personality. I'm not even out of high school and already can do more than many people my age. Definitely uped my game due to hair loss, and that's probably the only good thing it's done for me. And fortunately I am still attractive, I just didnt have the pretty boy looks that she wanted her boyfriend to have