Keep HT from girlfriend?

[Rodfarva]

I have seriously considered a procedure now for years, and finally I have enough time off work (due to other circumstances), and i've reached the point where I should soon get a buzzcut because I've receded so much. If there's any time to get a HT, I think it's now. My hairloss has bothered me enough through my twenties, perhaps my thirties could get better.
The only problem is, I don't want people to know. I don't know how things will work out in the long run with my girlfriend of two years, and if she was to know and we broke up, she would really have some dirt on me. We know a lot of the same people, and she even has a lot of connections through others to my colleagues. Would it even be possible to pull it off without her knowing? I'd really like to be open and honest with her, but like I said, I don't know if I can trust her if things were to go sour...

[Hicks]

Sounds like your not into that girl. After 2 years you should feel comfortable to tell her everything. Maybe it'll be good to have a talk with her to help you decide? Some people will find faults in your life for a crutch for the faults in their life. My biggest fear was a butcher job or poor growth or just looking goofy so go to the best Dr when you decide.

FYI hairloss sucks in your 30s as well.

[Rodfarva]

Yeah I know keeping it from her will be hard, and I do prefer being open about thing and I actually trust her a lot. But like I said, if things were to not work out down the road, I'm afraid she'll expose my secret.. A HT is typically viewed as something someone do because they're vain. To me it's crucial that it doesn't get out. I was planning on telling my mom, that's pretty much it.. I need it pretty bad as I have a huge misshaped head to cover up. Aaah, and then my girlfriend is my biggest problem:-/

[Hicks]

One friend told me not to do it. I told him if Wes Welker got one so can I. Another female told me she was going to mention a HT to me but felt it was rude. Easier said than done but you have to take ownership of the situation. people will make fun at everything you do, deal with it. Best of luck.

[J_B_Davis]

I have seriously considered a procedure now for years, and finally I have enough time off work (due to other circumstances), and i've reached the point where I should soon get a buzzcut because I've receded so much. If there's any time to get a HT, I think it's now. My hairloss has bothered me enough through my twenties, perhaps my thirties could get better.
The only problem is, I don't want people to know. I don't know how things will work out in the long run with my girlfriend of two years, and if she was to know and we broke up, she would really have some dirt on me. We know a lot of the same people, and she even has a lot of connections through others to my colleagues. Would it even be possible to pull it off without her knowing? I'd really like to be open and honest with her, but like I said, I don't know if I can trust her if things were to go sour...

If you can’t own it, don’t do it! Living in hiding over something that you are doing for yourself is no way to live. The fact that you have some sense of shame over it, means that you really are not ready to have a hair transplant. What if something goes wrong? What if you need more work? Are you going to hide out for years? It would not be good for you to go through with this with your current fear of being “outed.” Not worth the anxiety and you may end up having a very tough time dealing with the healing process, and it IS a process!

[topcat]

She will find out in my opinion.............not something you can hide from someone that close.

You already seem to know she can be vindictive which I find interesting...............maybe it's time to move on.

[DudzTx16]

I told my girlfriend I was considering it around the year 2 mark. I think it brought attention to the fact that I was sensitive about it so it actually helped us... she knew it was something that hurt my confidence so she was sure to only be supportive. Its also a good tool for showing her you "want" to improve too. who knows... maybe in the back of her head shes thinking "I'd be more into him if he had hair". if she knows you actually are going to go through with the procedure, she may be happier in the relationship. obviously everyone's relationship is different though so you'll have to consider that. But, the way I look at it.... think in the long run//. If in a year, you have a full head of hair, and people start asking questions, are you really going to be embarassed to tell them you did something to benefit your look? I think in a year i'll be like... yea... well, I did it. and it looks great. much better than my thinning hair, and people will agree. I don't think anyone will really give anyone guff for improving themselves. I don't want to tell anyone "now" because I don't really know what the final result will be. If I get a bad result, it would be embarrassing to have wasted $7500 on nothing. But if I get a good result... I guess I wouldn't mind telling people I made a big expense to improve the quality of my life. Good luck with whatever you choose

[Rodfarva]

@dudztx16: I suppose you're right, a year after if the results are good, who cares? I know people will poke fun at it, but like Hicks said, if you take ownership and don't really care then I guess not so much..

How old are you and what did you have done?

[DudzTx16]

Rodfarva,
I'm 29 and 2000grafts - strip method. approx. 400 to my front for a little more fullness and 1600 to crown. I'm waiting for the final results in a year or so, but hopefully not kicking myself I didn't do more to the crown area. I guess we'll find out!

Here's a link to my post I made a few days ago

https://www.baldtruthtalk.com/threads/16658-New-29yrold-Male-My-story-1600-grafts-to-crown-400-to-hairline-%28w-photos%29?p=177794&highlight=#post177794

[AfterHair]

I have the same dilemma at times.. a previous poster put it best, whatever you do, OWN it.

[Rodfarva]

Well I finally came through and told her. Went a lot better than expected, and she seemed pretty supportive, although she didn't think I needed one (almost hard to believe that one).. It felt good to get it out, and she actually came out and told me about something she is considering having done, which she hasn't told anyone before.
I have decided to let my parents and girlfriend know the first time around. Would be freeing to let anyone know, but not sure if I'm that tough

Anyways, I'm booked with dr.Bisanga for ~2500 grafts to reconstruct the front.. Fingers crossed!

[johnwalters]

I told my girlfriend about it and she simply replied that she supports me all the way and if I'm not happy with something then I should change it. That was it, such a relief, however I knew she would react that way because she is incredible. I agree with a lot of people here, if she would really use that against you then maybe she isn't the girl for you

[clee984]

Well congrats man, it's great that your girlfriend was really supportive, and I hope it all goes well for you, I'm sure it will. Tbh, I'd just look at it this way: what's the absolute worst that can happen? You break up and she tells people (which she won't, but hypothetically). In that scenario, far far far more likely that people will just think less of her than of you. I even know an example of this, a guy I used to work with, he broke up with his girlfriend, and she went around telling anyone who would listen that he was gay and that she had caught him in bed with another guy, and all anybody thought was how petty and vindictive SHE was being, regardless of whether it was true.

I had an HT and I didn't tell anybody, I just told family that I'd shaved my head and done it badly, and wore a cap for a month or so. Nobody said anything. That was before I met my wife, and I've never told her, but I will if I go for another procedure.

All the best.

[grinners182]

Can I ask how you discussed this with your girlfriend? How did you bring up the discussion? I need to have a similar chat soon, any advice would be appreciated.

Cheers

[Rodfarva]

@grinners 182 Yeah sure, I guess I just came out bluntly after I had met with the doctor. She didn't know until then, and was asking about where I'd been. I had pretty much decided by them that keeping it from those closest to me wouldn't feel right. Maybe she would see me as insecure and what not, and maybe she does who knows, but it doesn't matter. If she couldn't be supportive then she wasn't right for me.
I had told her that I was going out of town to see a skin doctor (I have other skin problems), which wasn't a lie. But I told her afterwards that it was a special kind of skin doctor. We didn't talk too much about it then, but had a heart-to-heart over a glass of wine later when I told her more about it. She was concerned that it would look weird when my hairloss progressed further, thinking I would only do the corners of the hairline, so I got to explain that I'm doing the entire frontal third. And she thought it was expensive.. But so was the thing she wanted done, so she got it I think..

Turned out she had been worried about telling me for the same reasons I had been worried about telling her; that me/her would tell other people. So some sort of trust issues in both of us I suppose, mind you these are our innermost personal insecurities. So I think it might have brought us closer..