View Full Version : I've been hiding it for so long...

02-01-2011, 10:08 PM
This story is kind of long but I hope someone will take the time to read it and lend me their advice.

I am currently 21 years old and I started to very gradually lose my hair (through the usual male pattern baldness) in my senior year of high school. It was such a slow process that if I just would of chose to buzz my hair in the beginning it wouldn't have been an issue, but I chose a different route and now I am in a bind.

In my freshman year of college I still had a full head of hair and was just showing very early signs of balding. In the busyness of college I would shower every other day instead of every day and I would simply wear a hat on the days I didn't shower. This is how my addiction to hats originally started.

In my sophomore year, I had lost enough hair where I couldn't just wear it however I wanted to anymore. I was contemplating just buzzing it then but I went to a stylist and she found this great cut that covered the baldness nicely so I went with that instead. However, this new cut only lasted a year before it became ineffectual.

In my junior year, I kept on getting cuts that would try to cover up the baldness, but these cuts were kind of more noticeable unless I had it perfectly set. I became somewhat obsessed with my hair and would look in a mirror every chance I got to make sure that I looked presentable. All of a sudden I had a strong hatred toward the wind and I despised anyone who touched my head. I also started really wearing hats more often...practically all the time except for work and church.

During this time, whenever I would visit old high school friends or family, I would also make sure to wear a hat unless I was having a good hair day. So while some of them may suspect I am balding, few know how bad it actually is.

I just graduated from college in December and it is now getting to the point where any attempt to cover it up just looks rediculous. I was able to get through 3 1/2 years of college without many of my friends actually knowing that I was balding. But now I am obsessed with my hair and people's perception of it. I have gone to such great lengths to successfully hide my loss from everyone around me that I'm worried what they'll think if they see how bad it really is. All my pictures on facebook and with friends all have me either in a hat or with a seemingly full head of hair. So taking the jump to actually accepting or coming out with my baldness is nerve-racking.

This baldness has severely hampered my social life as I dont want to go anywhere in public without my hat on. I have skipped social events, avoided friends, and missed out on opportunities all because I was self-conscious of my hair. I have made this a lot harder on myself than it should've been. So now I am looking for advice. What makes matters worse is that I have a high forehead and I can only grow a partial beard. So shaving it completely bald is really not an option. I have a nice face and am considered attractive by many when I wear my hat (only feeding the addiction more).

So what should I do and how can i confidently come out of the balding closet? Any advice would be appreciated!

02-02-2011, 05:33 AM
I believe you should buzz it, because thinning hair never looks as bad when its really short, and from my own experience the pattern when you buzz your hair does not seem as advanced compared to when you have longer hair. Don't shave it bald, I reckon buzzed looks well better, I had a cheeky 1 and a 0 - looked decent and its a very popular hair cut round here

You don't seem to be coping well with worrying about how your hair looks particularly when its windy, and rightly so, it is very stressful. Thats why I think buzzed would be much more liberating and hopefully ensure that you can enjoy life more.

Also, have you tried propecia because that might be able to slow your MPB down?

Its also important to remember that the future is also bright with regards to treatments

02-02-2011, 07:39 AM
Is your hair quite long now? I understand how your feeling. This year is the first year I can't go swimming or get my hair wet without seeing my scalp on top and in the front. Can you style your hair to the side like spencer and use thickening powder or toppik.
My plan is to hold off a hair transplant as long as possible. Hopefully until 40 yrs old without having to shave my head and get an illusion of a full head of hair. But then there is rain and wind like your saying. Its a bitch man!!!!

02-02-2011, 07:57 AM
Take a roadtrip someplace -or at least tell people it's what you're doing- and come back with a shaved head.

Depending on how good a bluffer you are, they can buy into the whole mystical adventure thing :D

02-02-2011, 09:47 AM
Take a roadtrip someplace -or at least tell people it's what you're doing- and come back with a shaved head.

Depending on how good a bluffer you are, they can buy into the whole mystical adventure thing :D

haha, I should so do that!

But seriously, I spent a couple hours of reading through this forum, and it gave me a real reality check. I saw how some poster's lives have been completely ruined by their hair loss (fixedby35 comes to mind with the fact that he hasn't left his house in 3 weeks and rarely has any human interaction) and I have read about the rampant depression. But if you go to the grocery store or any public place, you will find that you are not alone, especially if you are over 30. If anyone wants to go down the road of countless HTs or a life locked on meds, then more power to you. I hate the fact that I am losing my hair, but in the end, it is just hair. People my age who suffer with physical impairments or difformities would beg to have my hairline if they could walk like I can walk and talk like I can talk.

I think I, as well as many of you, are making a mountain out of a mohill. People don't really care that you are losing your hair. Sure, the first few encounters may be awkward and the occassional joke may come your way, but once everyone gets used to my baldness they will go back to treating me like me. People don't look at baldness like leprosy, and if they are my friends they won't stop hanging out with me because of it.

I'm sorry for rambling but this forum has just really opened my eyes to how petty my balding is compared to people with disabilities and diseases, and how it will only ruin my life if I let it. I only have one life to live. Should I really let a common thing like balding ruin it for me?

02-02-2011, 10:39 AM
Amen brother!

I only recently dealt with this myself and sure it stung but hey, I'm still here and the people who love me are still here.

So **** it, maybe one day a miracle cure will come along, but till then, you've only got one life.

02-07-2011, 07:31 AM
Fck i feel like i wrote this Noguard - you're not a alone, i fkn hate the wind with a passion, and yep - i've missed out on social event's and meeting up with old mate's, i try every trick to mask my problem area's, but am starting to think 'fck it', personally a grade four for me will be radical, but it's a step closer to folks accepting me, and me accepting myself with thinning hair, it's shitty - but wtf else can we do? - deal with your demon's, master them, and i think we'll overcome.
It doesnt mean i'll stop trying treatments, just means im a step closer to accepting this shitty affliction.

02-07-2011, 12:02 PM
I feel ya nogard, I know this is just a forum where random internet people talk but we definitely know where you are coming from. I'll tell you what, I just turned down a friend's invite 10 minutes ago because I wanted to come home from school I was so worried about my hair so you are hell definitely not alone. It looks terrible in the wind. To really see it, I wet it then look at it in the mirror for a good half hour everyday. It is consuming me. I keep thinking about just buzzing my head and getting on with life but it's so hard. I too have covered it up since high school and through college, I hate it. I use to be able to do whatever I wanted with my hair and it looked great. I just went out to the club 2 days ago (my hair is currently long) and I was dancing with a girl and she was all over me having a good time, but I feel like in a matter of years I will just be way too self conscious to go out again and won't be able to have fun again while all my other friends can enjoy themselves until they are in their late 20's. I really don't want to stay on meds or think about transplant, my life is already incredibly complicated enough (family is disfuncitonal + no close friends near me). I just keep trying to throw myself into a stable mindset where I can finish school strong and tell myself to not worry one bit, everything will be fine and there will be solutions.

Cheers and stay strong.