View Full Version : The wrong way to live

05-16-2010, 03:42 PM
I didn't think this would hit me the way it did and life has turned out a lot different than I expected. When I was 18 I looked at myself in the mirror after a workout one day and thought about what my life would be like. I assumed at 25-26 with 7 years down the road that I would be married, have kids and a career. It didn't turn out so much like I had hoped.

I began to see hair loss at 21-22 and it started to take my life over. It runs in my family and I was just not sure what to do. I had gone to some transplant doctor and he said I was too young for transplants and sent me on my way so I felt rejected at that point. As my loss continued and just dwindled down so quickly in a short amount of time, I kept trying to turn to everything I could to cover up my loss. I was so embarrassed that being so young people would look at me funny.

I tried going to another doctor out of state so I drove to Oklahoma City and basically got a transplant of 1000 grafts done that did not work at all. I went thru a painful process of not seeing it work after spending 3000 dollars that I didn't have trying to save myself the humility. It's great having that long scar in the back of your head that no one can see from where they pulled the donor hair, but I know it's there as a reminder of how I messed up.

After that didn't work I went to a hair replacement center even though I had a small decent amount of hair on top so they shaved it down and put the hairpiece on me that initially looked great, but then there were complications. I could not take it after a month of wearing the system so I had them shave down the back and sides of my hair, threw my hat on and walked out the door. That was another 1000 dollars I lost out of my pocket as a young kid with no money in college.

The only thing really saving me at this point was knowing I was working towards my degree and I was a yell leader at my University not wanting to let my team down by quitting and hiding myself. I made up this crazy story about some kid running behind my stylist and bumping into her causing her to shave my hair line back too far and she just had to shape it. What a flippin lie that was and I am sure everyone looked at me like yeah right. Plus my hair looked terrible like an awful military cut gone wrong. How do you mess that up, well I pulled it off somehow.

After realizing I still needed more help and coverage to my hair I found a company that makes products to cover up thinning hair. I found this product called Toppik which you sprinkle in your own hair and it makes it look a lot thicker than it really is. I used that stuff all the time and for quite a while, maybe a few years actually. It was tough being this guy who worked out and you have to be careful to not sweat too much with it on. It really only came out when you wash it out, but still I had to be watchful of it. What a pain to go thru all this and still I hated seeing myself in the mirror every day.

Well after a while I decided I could not do the Toppik anymore because my hair was just not thick enough to make it look right and it looked so strange. Yet another failed attempt at trying to look good because I was so obsessed with liking what I saw in the mirror.

I end up finding a local place that made me feel better about doing the hair system so I went with it hoping to improve my look. I was about 25-26 at this point so I did that for a while and I was ok with my look for the time being but still bothered every day that people would look at me different for being so young with a hair piece. I felt ashamed all the time and had no choice but to keep going and aim for my degree. I was still on the cheer squat also and that was tough performing in front of thousands wondering what people would think of me. I guess you could say I had a real problem mentally also with my appearrance.

I finally finished school and decided I was going to move to Arizona to be closer to my brother and sister at 27. I was contacted by this place in LA that I had consulted with about a year earlier that was very known for their hair systems. I applied for a drawing to win two free hair systems and I so wanted to be a client of theirs. It happened and I drove to LA after moving to AZ to have the systems applied. It looked so amazing like I could not believe it was even me in the mirror. I was crazy excited about it until things became difficult for me as far as applying the systems myself in home. I did that for a while and end up moving home because my life was not going as planned in Arizona.

I kept using the same system for a while and it was working so I thought until again I was not really happy with the process. I finally did a new online search and found someone in my area who uses an even better product apparently. I was told it's what they use in hollywood being totally undetectable. I went with it and yes it has been a really good thing for me in my life. I can still workout hard as I want but it causes a few minor things I have to worry about, but not as bad as in the past. I am currently still wearing the system and now I have a new problem at age 33.

My own hair on the sides and back is starting to fall out as if it was not bad enough that I had to lose everything on top. It kind of jumped up and bit me out of the blue like I didn't notice it was happening. So now all of a sudden I am worried about my hair system and it looking natural with losing my hair on the back and sides. As a result I am now applying rogaine to the sides and mostly the back of my hair to not lose more hair. On top of that I ordered a low level light therapy comb using that for an hour on my hair 3-4 times a week.

Ya know what's really great is that on top of paying for all the things I do with maintenance on my hair to just look normal to myself, I can't even live normal. When you wear a hair system, swimming is not really an option and you can't be out in the sun for too long because it fades the color also. So, you can't have one color up top and one color on bottom, there is a dead giveaway. I tend to miss out a lot on life because of these things and I want to shave my head really bad but I have things keeping me from doing that as well.

I have two calcium deposits on my scalp that need to be removed that are very noticeable. Since wearing the most recent system I have these ridges that run thru my scalp that make me look like I'm a cling-on from star trek. I have no clue in hell where they came from and why I have them. It sucks. Don't forget I have the scar on the back of my head which is noticeable too. I shaved my head a long time ago back in college and it was so freeing and I felt alive, but once I really took a strong look at myself in the mirror I hated it.

I train really hard at the gym so the one thing I have is my muscular appearrance making me feel good. I would like to shave my head but I need plastic surgery or something to correct everything. I don't even know if you can do plastic surgery on a scalp. As far as that goes, I feel if I tried to have any work done it would only further the problems I have with myself. I think with my built look I would be ok with it, but I can't get past how I look in the mirror. I just wanna swim and be able to tan outside and enjoy life with everyone else but I can't and it's really sad.

I don't know what else to do with myself and I am attempting to go speak with someone new who runs a hair solution center to see what she can do for me. I am considering starting to use a product called Revivogen hoping it might help my hair look like it should. Even after all of this, I do have a girlfriend is who very supportive and just wants me to enjoy life. I am stuck and don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice or something you can share with me, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much. I hope being a new member here will help me before I feel like I don't have a future at all.

05-16-2010, 04:16 PM
Why dont You get a small FUE into the scar from 1 of the Drs on the forum - who have all established reputations for quality work - then shave it?

Whilst going on propecia to try and maintain any hair on top you have

05-16-2010, 11:04 PM
Hey i feel you.

I am always looking around and trying to educate myself and see what all is out there.

I've come across a few places that have really peaked my curiosity, maybe they would yours. If anyone has experience with these companies and their products please let us know!

<not in any special order>
Hollywood Hair by Joe Schwartz
BloomBrook Intl (youtube em)
NewRoots (youtube em)

05-16-2010, 11:16 PM
I don't feel Revivogen is anything special, just stick to Rogaine and Dut or Fin and Nizoral as your shampoo. Might want to look into HairSupport, i'm on it, but have only used it for two weeks. Not expecting miracles, was just told i need to get on it to keep my hair strong as i am trying MicroPointLinks, which i currently have in my hair right now. The HairSupport system is supposed to clean, unclog and deliver nutrients to your scalp. But i assume every other product makes the same claim.

Oh another good product that i just came across that add volume to your hair is Living Proof "Full", you can get samples of it from Sephora, thats how i found out about it. I can really feel and see the difference when i use it compared to my regular product i use.

Hope this helps anyone reading. =)

05-16-2010, 11:21 PM
Oh yea for HT surgeons, you should try to see Hasson & Wong. I went and was a bit frustrated and disappointed when i left because i was turned away. I was basically told my Dr Hasson i had weak donor and too early to tell my pattern of loss. But it makes me comfortable to know they have my best interest instead of theirs.

05-17-2010, 10:33 AM
I'm very sorry to read about all you've been through but I think you will find some great support and advice on this forum.

My advice would be to do whatever you can to get your life back and to not feel like you're missing out. This will likely mean doing what you need to in order to feel comfortable shaving your head. As LFC mentioned, you can camouflage the appearance of your strip scar by having a small FUE procedure into the scar. Unfortunately, scar tissue will not give you the same yield as virgin scalp and you may need to have more than one 'pass' before you achieve acceptable results. I would also advise you to consult with a plastic surgeon to figure out the cause of, and what can be done for, the 'ridges' you are experiencing.

It's great that you have a supportive girlfriend and use the gym as a positive outlet. Hopefully you can achieve the 'freeing' feeling of shaving your head again and, this time, learn to like, or at least live with, the way you look with it.

05-17-2010, 11:55 AM
Cit Girlís advice is right on the money. Life is short, so you need to find a way to get yourself to the point where you feel comfortable living it.

05-17-2010, 12:07 PM
Welcome to the forum, it sounds like youíve been through a lot. Many of us here feel exactly the way you do about losing our hair and have tried many different types of solutions Iíve been a huge fan of Spencer Kobrenís radio show for years and I think you should listen and even call him to talk about things. Itís my weekly therapy and Spencer has really helped me to put things into perspective over the years. He does a Tuesday show now too. If you haven't done so already you should check it out. www.thebaldtruth.com

In time I think youíll find some peace and be able to move on and enjoy your life.

05-17-2010, 05:22 PM
CIT girl thank you so much for taking the time to write me and give me some advice. I have this feeling that I will never overcome this and it's going to end me. I'm worried that I will let myself down and all those around me because it's going to close in on me and there will be nothing else I can do. I have tried so much already I don't know what is left. I wish I had left my hair alone and shaved it back when I was 20-21 because then I would not have the issues I have today. I am learning my lesson the hard way and now I don't know where to turn. My girlfriend is super supportive as are others in my life but I just don't know that it's enough. I need a miracle to save my life. I'm holding on for as long as I can, and I just don't know how much more I can go thru. Life was not meant to be spent this way and I find it very sad. Wishing somehow I can find hope, but I just don't think the shaved look is for me. I know a lot of people say that, they try it and love it, but I have been there and I could not accept myself. I am praying for a cure someday that really works because that person would be a millionaire once they developed the product. I need something to save me, but I very much appreciate your words, you are very kind.

05-17-2010, 05:35 PM
I would really like to thank everyone who has left me a message in response to my story. It feels good to know that others care and try to send advice or suggestions for someone they have never even met. I thank you all so much for that. The last 11-12 years have been hell for me and I think the only reason I am still on this earth is that I don't want to disappoint my family by leaving here before was intended. I am very close to them and they would be crushed if I was to depart. This has put my family thru a lot in the past and I have been well for quite some time. Not even going to a therapist helped me see the real person inside and that I had so much to give to others. As a personal trainer, my purpose is to change lives and I love doing that, and I never want to give up on them, but I want to give up on me. I want to believe that it's not that big of a deal because there are people that have cancer and heart disease and live their lives in wheelchairs, but this is my wheelchair you see. It's really tough waking up every day and not being happy with yourself. I walk around self-conscious all day and wondering who is looking at me and such. I have created a prison for myself that I cannot break free from, and it's very hurtful. I wish I could go back to 18 and understand again what it meant to just live your life and feel free. One day this prison I have created will close in on me and I hope that when it does I don't hurt anyone in my life. Can't wait until my girlfriend runs for the hills when she realizes that I was a mistake to be with from the very beginning. I am going to keep doing my research and taking suggestions and advice from you all because I need hope, and only time will tell what the outcome will be. Thank you all so much for being supportive, it's very nice.

05-17-2010, 08:01 PM
I don't really have any useful advice I'm afraid, but I hope you are ok.

05-18-2010, 01:03 AM
Sorry to hear what you're going through mate, I can relate to some of what you've said like "It's really tough waking up every day and not being happy with yourself" but I certainly haven't been through as much as you and so have no idea how it feels.

I know this type of thing can sometimes block out everything else going on in your life but what I can say is that you still have a lot going for you and a lot of positive things you can put your energy into. I mean, how many people can honestly say they do a job they love, have a built physique and probably most importantly - have an amazingly supportive girlfriend and family?

You may not feel it, but you really are in a better position than a lot of people in this world and if you can find it in yourself I'd urge you to make the most of it. It's not too late to realise what you have in your life and enjoy it with the people who are there for you!

That being said, I know how hard it is and I hope you can find a positive solution that you are happy with - all the best mate! :)

05-18-2010, 08:50 AM
I think you really should listen to Spencer Kobrenís show. It sounds like you need to listen to other guys dealing with the same issues and how they have gotten past it. Iím a big fan of this forum, but there's nothing like tuning in to listen to the man himself. He has a way of putting things into perspective that I can honestly say has changed my life. They do a web video chat every Tuesday which they usually announce of the forum. Check it out. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, I hope you can begin to feel better.

05-24-2010, 05:10 PM
muscleandfitness33 you sound like an AMAZING guy and I hope life gets better for you. You have been so strong so far, don't give up and don't put yourself down. You seem like such a wonderful person and the world could do with more of them!

05-24-2010, 06:40 PM
Thanks man, life has been nothing short of complicated for me and I am trying to hold on. I recently had a breakdown over the phone with my sister about how I am ruining all the good things in my life. Fighting a 12 year battle that has only become even more difficult over time makes it tough to keep going. I am trying everything I can to be a big person and not let this beat me. It's causing issues with my girlfriend and I that I can't control but she says she is in it for the long haul to see me thru to the end. It's great to have that support but it could end us if I'm not careful. I wanna be this great guy and show people who I really am, but losing my hair has made me be someone else I'm not. It's terrible. I can only take so much. Thank you for your really kind words, I am doing my best. I hope the future holds a better life for me otherwise I don't know what will be left of it in the end.

05-24-2010, 06:50 PM
I am trying to take what you said into account and realize I have some great things in my life that others are missing out on. For some ridiculous reason I put more emphasis on my appearance than how my life is going. It's sad and I wanna change all that. I am pretty sure I need therapy for how I treat myself and how I see myself in the mirror. It's a really good thing I have the support I have or I would have ended my life a long time ago. I mean, sometimes you have to wonder what you live for, and the people I train on a daily basis need me. I am helping them change their lives and I know I need to change mine. Even somedays, knowing how important I am to others still doesn't seem to be enough to stick around for the humility I face day in day out. I am choosing the path of working to get better by making doctor appointments and seeking help. I appreciate your words and everyone from this site because you all understand how hard it is. Thank you very much.

05-24-2010, 06:56 PM
Truly an amazing story man...

It's so great that you have someone that can support you. You have been through it all.

I wish I could give you advice. I wish that somehow there could be something that I could say that would make it all ok.

You aren't alone man... we are all suffering. I am 20 and going through this. It has changed my life a lot! It has consumed me.

I wish you the best man. Good luck with everything and just remember to enjoy the small things in life.

05-27-2010, 03:55 PM
I am trying to take what you said into account and realize I have some great things in my life that others are missing out on. For some ridiculous reason I put more emphasis on my appearance than how my life is going. It's sad and I wanna change all that. I am pretty sure I need therapy for how I treat myself and how I see myself in the mirror. It's a really good thing I have the support I have or I would have ended my life a long time ago. I mean, sometimes you have to wonder what you live for, and the people I train on a daily basis need me. I am helping them change their lives and I know I need to change mine. Even somedays, knowing how important I am to others still doesn't seem to be enough to stick around for the humility I face day in day out. I am choosing the path of working to get better by making doctor appointments and seeking help. I appreciate your words and everyone from this site because you all understand how hard it is. Thank you very much.

Totally understand what you mean man. Like a lot of things, hair is something people take for granted until they start to lose it and as such it's hard for some people to realise how much of an affect hair loss can have on someone's state of mind.

Hair loss is something which can drastically affect confidence, stopping someone from savouring life and revealing their true self. The psychological side really comes down to being concerned (whether subconsciously or not) at how others view us, particularly those with full heads of hair - after all, we'd be a lot less concerned if every man on earth was genetically programmed to suffer the exact same hairloss at the same time. That said, if you can show who you really are, people are more likely to say "He's a great guy" rather than "Look at his hair loss".

I guess the way to be content is to somehow accept yourself and how you look, without worrying about others. This is obviously easier said than done, (and I'm not preaching here because I suffer the same insecurities) so seeking professional help is definitely a step in the right direction.

I can really relate to some of the things you've said and have a great family like you - I just dont want this to consume me and become a shadow of the person I could be. I want to enjoy my time with my family and friends and have great memories to look back on rather than regretting the fact I didn't make the most of having such good people around me.

Sorry I got pretty deep there! :D Keep going mate, the day will come when you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and think "Another day, bring it on!"

05-29-2010, 07:50 AM
Im sorry to hear about the way this has affected your life.
In your job as a personal trainer, i presume you regularly encourage and help people to better their lives?...... to increase their confidence through a better body image?
Now is the time for the hardest part - to take your own advice.
There is one option available to you which will end the constant searching for a solution, the cover ups and the stress......you have to shave it off.
I have had a shaved head for many years, it has never held me back....ive had plenty of girlfriends, i dont have to bother about people noticing a cover up...... can enjoy life without thinking about my hair.
There are many solutions to fade scars - chemical peels, lasers, fue. The fact that you are 'built' will make the shaved look even better and will help you pull off the scar too.
Finally, the 'ridges' you mention - everybody has lumps and bumps on their head....chill out..........i think you may be obsessing about them?
You ever heard of the singer 'seal'? - he has big scars on his face......and hes thought of as a good looking man, married to a supermodel. You have one scar on the back of your head...
Do yourself a favour - buy a razor, shave it off.... and if it bothers you that much, start on reducing the scar with chemical peels.
Good luck! - it sounds like you have a great supportive gf too : )