View Full Version : Feel very betrayed by my own body.

02-11-2010, 06:49 AM
This is probably going to sound pretty terrible, but I'm at the point now where I feel as though my body has completely gone against me. I'm a completely healthy 20 year old, all except my hair falling out which has made me so mentally unhealthy that I hardly recognize myself at all anymore.

I have the hardest time looking in the mirror anymore because every time I do, even in the greatest situations, I can't make myself look right. I don't feel happy anymore and all the happiness (youth) I feel I once had, went down the drain with the rest of my hair. All I want to know, is if I'm ever going to get used to this, and feel good about myself again because I'm tired of not being able to look at my own reflection (when of course I ought to be able to comfortably and happily). I'm so tired of feeling like everything I do is worth nothing because of my bad hair. The best clothes, best teeth, clean ears and trimmed nails hardly does anything for me anymore. I'm very confused and like I said, feel very betrayed by what has happened to me at such a young age. I feel like people also don't understand my insecurity because of being so alone in this battle, even with an online community to speak out to, which has helped immensely. I look sad, and in result I think people are deterred from my presence which I can't say I don't understand (you don't want to hang around the buzz kill, sorry for the pun).

My mom doesn't get it, how frustrating it can be to never have a good hair day in 3 years. And she always tries to convince me to shave it although she's spent my entire life telling me I look like a cancer victim with a shaved head... and yet she can't figure out why I'm so afraid to do it. My 'friends' that I've had forever don't really make the situation any better. They have steady relationships, jobs, and hair. Most of the friends I have are still very immature and uninformed about 'anything worthwhile' in life and have never really concerned themselves with the way that i feel. One of my friends tried arguing with me that there was no correlation between the price of food at the grocery store and gas prices. <--- this is what I have to deal with on a regular basis.

I was such a ladies man as a kid, and then that just stopped. It was the hardest thing in the world to finally step back and look at how much my life has changed in the last few years. I went from being funny, motivated, and smart to being secluded, unmotivated and a burn out. And yet, no one can understand why I feel so alone and confused all the time.

I just don't understand how this could have ever been so unenjoyable. And also, I'm paying so much money for these shitty pharmaceuticals that a) don't really help you (but is your only real option!) and b) are a huge inconvenience to apply for anyone. And yet, it's the only chance that you have as a young hair loss sufferer. Hair loss is something that you are supposed to experience as a man, because it teaches you things about yourself, but I just can't imagine it happening 'happily' before the age of 30.

Is there any worse genetically inherited physical condition than pattern hair loss (men and women)? I've got to be honest I don't think so. What I mean to say, is that if your obese you have the option of going to the gym, running or exercising, or swimming or binge dieting or something. If you're vision is cloudy, there are eye glasses prescribed for that. If you have crooked teeth there are braces to fix them. If you are losing your hair, you have 2 options: Rogaine and pharmaceuticals that hormonally disrupt your system, with little chance of improvement to your situation in the long run (personally anyways).

I just want to know how and where to look for the positive, what helped you move on from hair loss. No need to mention the Bible here because I don't believe in it.


02-11-2010, 11:18 AM
You seem to be at a bit of a crossroads here. From your post, I see a lot of blame and hurt, from your mom, your friends. I am concerned because you seem to be getting very resentful of the people around you, and yourself, since you seem to blame yourself for the hair loss (genetics).

My recommendations: Use rogaine and proscar. You complain about the cost, but generic proscar, cut in 4ths, is very cheap. So now cost is out of the way.

Next, you need to get your mind right. I would look into books on anxiety and self acceptance. David Burns is a great author for that.

After you know you have done everything you can meds-wise, then try to take care of your emotional/mental state, then try to move on with your life. In a few years, when the hair loss stabilizes, maybe you look into a hair transplant with a great surgeon. Maybe in 10 years, there is a great new med or procedure.

All the best. I've been where you are. Its tough. I never noticed people's hair when I was younger, but now that I've begun to experience hair loss, I do. It's strange.

02-11-2010, 01:31 PM
Though you may not think so, there are far worse ailments than hair loss. In fact, hair loss is easily one of the most benign conditions that can happen to you.
I can walk down the wards of any pediatric, pulmonary, cardiovascular department and be grateful I don't have any of the diseases I see there.

Don't feel bad, though. We're not trying to downplay your distress. We've all been there. A couple winters ago, I was at a low, just like you. I was on the verge of entertaining suicide (though I don't think I would ever have done it). But the point is that I felt like life wasn't worth living... like how everything I've worked so hard for lost meaning or importance. I was in my first year of medical school then, and it was just indescribably hard, since everyone around you just expects nothing short of success. If you can't find motivation to work out or anything like that, imagine having to cram 1000 drugs for a stupid pharm exam.

But, I have to say that you just have to fight through it. Life isn't going to be peachy afterwards, but you'll certainly feel better. These are just the cards that we have been dealt, and there's no point in feeling sorry for yourself. Like California said, just get on meds and hope that your hair stabilizes. If you can pull it off, shave your head. You'll feel a great burden off your shoulders if you do.

Who knows, maybe in 5 years (crossing finger for Histogen) we'll have another viable option to combat hair loss. It might not be the silver bullet, but for pattern baldness, we'll take anything. Best of luck, man.

02-11-2010, 02:08 PM
Hey man I was in exactly same situation. Had everything going for me then hairloss began at 18. I was so screwed up I was suicidal and had to deal with it alone as I felt no one would understand (and my family didnt when I had no option but to tell them). I got into drugs and was so bitter at why this was happening to me and how I was unable to be who I wanted to be, that my soul was slowly drying up. I could have even modeled if it wernt for my face not being framed by a hairline. Get onto minoxidil and finasteride as mentioned, its a long haul but I had decent regrowth on my hairline and am holding on to most of my hair.Try and not resent the people who care about you most, i did the same, luckily they were persistent with me. Confidence is true inner power! Good luck!

02-18-2010, 12:08 PM
Uhhhh here's worse genetically inherited physical condition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA_q8QFwlaw , you could have muscular dystrophy or some crazy ass condition like that. I know hair-loss sucks..... as fellow 20 year old guy I know where your at in your head. I was there last year when it occurred to me that my hair-loss was accelerating (I could sorta see it coming since middle school)

All I can say is helps to try and remember that there is in fact more to life than getting poon and looking good..... though I'm not to sure what that is... haha no j/k. You really just gotta keep things in perspective, it really really sucks, but things could be SO much worse.:eek:

Letting hair loss make you a bitter and distant person will only add too your misery. Man up. there will be bad days.

02-18-2010, 02:37 PM
Hello Smileyface,
YOU are not alone. Your value as a son, brother, friend, etc. goes far beyond the amount of hair on your head. This may all sound trite, but happens to be the truth. It sounds like you truly depressed -- many Docs prescribe anitdepressents for men/women who are losing thier hair. It might be something to consider.
Take Care of yourself and don't ever lose sight of the fact that your true identity has little to do with your outward appearance.

02-18-2010, 05:42 PM
many antidepressants cause hair-loss, also something to consider. :D

02-18-2010, 07:33 PM
many antidepressants cause hair-loss, also something to consider. :D

...and sexual dysfunction.