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  • 25 going on 65
    Senior Member
    • Sep 2010
    • 1476

    Where to start?

    This is my first post here, but I’ve read the forum in bits and pieces since 2008. I’m not sure what drives me to finally post, but lately my MPB has worried me a lot. Maybe I just want to vent to empathetic people who know what this is like. (It’s so frustrating that non-balding people cannot grasp how hair loss makes one feel.)
    So here goes. I first noticed signs of balding two years ago, though in hindsight it might have started 2- 3 years prior. Before this, things were going well for me. I was doing well in college, I had a good job on the side, had begun dating a new girl, etc. I now realize a lot of the confidence that helped me attain those things, though, came from my appearance. I was something of an awkward kid in public school, but gradually I grew into a handsome young dude, which made me feel bolder in how I interacted with others and how I approached life in general. And my hair – god, I had an awesome head of thick dark hair that I could style in all kinds of ways. Even then, I thought I’d be screwed if I went bald someday, but I didn’t realize just how crucial my hair was for my image… until I saw it thinning.
    I had some knowledge of genetic MPB beforehand, and when I initially saw the miniaturizing hairs in the mirror, I knew exactly what was happening. I think I panicked immediately – I shot off an email about it within half an hour to my GF, about how hair loss would depress me for the rest of my life if it couldn’t be reversed. She shrugged it off at the time, just like all non-balding people shrug off the concerns of those with thinning hair.
    Anyway. I started looking up treatments online that week, and got more optimistic. “Oh I’ll be fine, these are early stages of balding, I’ll just get on meds and have a full head of hair forever.” Within another week, that all changed. I was styling my hair before class, and used the old double-mirror trick to make sure it didn’t look weird in back. And that’s when I realized my crown was really thinning out – like, I was looking at where my hair used to come together in a tight little whorl, and there was no doubt that an island of scalp was opening up. The water and hair gel made it extremely easy to detect. I freaked.
    Whose head was I looking at? This was when I really started to lose my self-image. To this day, I often see myself the mirror and feel like I’m looking at someone else – some balding guy who kidnapped my reflection.
    Since then, I’ve become much more acquainted with my hair loss pattern. I now see that my thinning is mostly diffuse – the crown area and hairline have changed a bit, but mainly my hair is getting thinner all over the top of my head. I went on Nizoral 1% shampoo in 2008, then 2% in 2009, and in the last few weeks I’ve started finasteride (1.25 mg daily) as well. I should have started a more aggressive regimen much earlier, but my finances have been limited (still are) and I’ve also been held back by severe bouts of depression (I’m being treated for that as well, but I doubt there is a long-term psychological solution to this disfiguring situation). I did begin using Dercos shampoo “with aminexil” last month, and it seems to improve the quality of my hair, but as for MPB I’m not sure it does anything. I plan on adding to my regimen, but it can be tough with my limited resources. (Also minoxodil is not for me, due to side effects unfortunately).
    Really, I guess what I’m thinking first and foremost is that I HATE LOSING MY HAIR. I hate how it has utterly changed my life by ruining my self-perception (not to mention the perception of others – the way women act around me now compared to 3 years ago kills me). I hate not being able to go under bright lights, or go swimming, or be in windy weather. I hate wearing hats all the time when I leave my house, and not knowing what to say when people comment about it. And I hate how there is no way to hit the reset button on this – no amount of money could get my REAL hair back. The way it was before all this craziness.
    I feel old, tired, and played out. This isn’t just the loss of hair strands, it’s the loss of my appearance altogether – I’m transforming slowly from an attractive guy into a ridiculous-looking, unattractive person. And yes, my hair does make that much of a difference – I looked good when I had it, but I look like crap with a shaved head. And I’m rapidly losing the ability to cover my balding with the hair I have left.
    I feel like I’m sitting on the sidelines while my peers enjoy their youth. There is a painful squeeze in my chest when I see people my age just having a blast with each other, doing the silly fun things that I used to do. I feel like my young adulthood has been stolen from me, and there’s not even a culprit for me to blame. Just bad luck in the genetic dice roll… what a punch in the mouth!

    I’ve skipped over a thousand details/thoughts/emotions here, but my post is already too long, and at least I’ve gotten some of this off my chest. I’m sure the veterans on this forum are tired of these kinds of self-pitying rants from people who are newer to the MPB game, but the only POV I really have is my own, and from where I’m standing it seems like there’s not much left for me in life besides hair loss and death. The sense of loss is overwhelming.
  • dgman21
    Senior Member
    • Sep 2010
    • 203

    #2
    You know what its like you just read my mind...........I am going f%&in insane everytime i look in the mirror..I don't know what to do with my life. I used to love swimming and the outdoors and the amusement park!! Why cant i enjoy that anymore??

    Comment

    • dgman21
      Senior Member
      • Sep 2010
      • 203

      #3
      Feel frre to email me or talk about with me cause i have noone to vent about it with. dgerman2@gmail.com

      Comment

      • ThatGuy
        Junior Member
        • Sep 2010
        • 8

        #4
        Wow you said what i was thinking!

        I was going to write a similar post 25 goin on 65 but I think you already did it for me! Man! I'll tell you what. I swear it is like why the !#$% me! And there is noone to be mad at. And being a Christian it's tough to thank God sometimes! It's like he did it on purpose because I got all the girls when I was a teenager. It really is a hard thing to bite! I GET TO LOSE MY HAIR WHILE FREAKIN JUSTINE TIMBERLAKE GETS TO MAKE MUSIC!. REALLY! It's really making me mad! and then what makes it worse is all the fake cures out there for it! Products that claim they regrow hair because after consistent application on a @#$kin lab rat under supervision, AFTRER ONLY 2 YEARS sprouted what looked like it could be a hair . Or Worse the products in which the seller knows the sh@$! doesnt work but it trying to capitalize off your misery by selling you a product that Hypothetically SHOULD work! FU$@ that! I dont want to sound like a conspirasy theorist! HOW DO THEY NOT HAVE A CURE FOR THIS! Ive takin Propecia for almost 2 years I'm not sure if it works but I hate the way it makes me feel! Woooo!!!!! I FEEL BETTER NOW!

        Comment

        • dgman21
          Senior Member
          • Sep 2010
          • 203

          #5
          Dam dude you feel the SAME f56kin way i do..Noone to vent to. I used to get all the women..Everyone thought i looked like f&*kin Marc Anthony,now sh*^t. Email me and we can exchange numbers if u want. I really need someone to talk to about this before i do go insane. This is hell man. I dont know if i can get thru this!!!!!

          Comment

          • 25 going on 65
            Senior Member
            • Sep 2010
            • 1476

            #6
            Thank you guys for your responses. It makes it a little easier when others can empathize. Trying to talk about this with (for example) my father is so frustrating, when he's had a full head of hair his entire life and has no concept of how hair loss makes us feel.

            dgman: You also realize the importance of being able to talk to others in the same situation! Unfortunately I'm a little reluctant to give out my email, phone #, etc. I guess part of it is me being embarrassed of all this, and paranoid about being identified. But you know what, I'm considering making a new email just for this purpose, so who knows.
            But I know what it's like to literally feel like you're going insane over hair loss, so please get in touch with me (or others) on here if you feel like you're about to go off the deep end. I'm happy to vent on here and to hear others vent to me. In the past I have even flirted with thoughts of suicide over MPB, and I know how just talking to some one can help turn those feelings around. At least for the moment, which sometimes is all we can ask for.

            ThatGuy: I also HATE the tons of snake oil in the hair treatment industry. The most opportunistic, selfish types of businessmen gravitate towards this market, because they know there are millions (billions) of desperate people in the world who are wiling to try almost anything to get their hair back.
            Funny you should mention Justin Timberlake though. Awhile back I was channel surfing and some channel was playing a live concert of his. I remember thinking, "what a lucky SOB to have all that hair." Ha
            I'm really intrigued by the idea of a theist suffering MPB, though. Personally I have no faith, and sometimes I wonder how I would go about this if I was religious. Would I feel better or worse? Would I be angry at god? I have no idea. But at least the concept of an afterlife might give you some hope for a future with a full head of hair. For me, the notion that this is my one and only life can make MPB even more bothersome. Like, if I only get 75 years to exist, why the hell must I do it with the balding gene?? Grr

            Anyway, I know I keep saying this, but this forum does make me feel a little better about things. Maybe it will help us survive until stem cell research cures baldness... if that day ever comes. (Come on scientists, let's do this!)

            Comment

            • dgman21
              Senior Member
              • Sep 2010
              • 203

              #7
              25 goin,
              So let me ask you are you isolating yourself like me? I mean i cant even think of anything else except my hair issues. If i go somewhere i start obsessing to the point where i want to end it. Shaving your head ,a HTransplant,a hat,styling your hair everymorning trying to cover the thinning area drives me nuts. How do u deal with it? I wish i can goto to the fair and enjoy the rides or go swimming and enjoy the outside..I always dream of going to a planet where balding is normal and noone gives a sh*&!!

              Comment

              • 25 going on 65
                Senior Member
                • Sep 2010
                • 1476

                #8
                dgman: Oh yeah, MPB has definitely made me antisocial. The only people I see anymore on a regular basis are my family members and a few friends, and I don't even like to be around friends unless I can wear a hat. If I'm in public with no hat on, I constantly think about my hair, always noticing who can see me from which angles and under what kind of lighting. It's very draining, so I prefer not to go out much anymore. It's sad because I was a pretty social, confident guy before my hair loss. I was awkward and shy in high school, but by 21-22 I was going out and meeting lots of people and generally enjoying my social life. I was happy with my personal growth and getting over my shyness. Now, I'm only halfway through my 20's, and I'm living like a retired old hermit.
                To make matters worse, my isolation is taking its toll on other aspects of my life. I'm unemployed, and I feel like I can't even bring myself to go find work, because I hate being around people. My college education, which was going great a few years ago, has totally stopped. I haven't taken a class in a long time... being around a bunch of young women aged 18-30 is not high on my list of priorities when I'm balding and they can stare at the back of my head for an hour-long class.
                These days I play a lot of video games, watch TV or movies, surf the internet, smoke cannabis or drink booze, etc. A pathetic existence, I know, but these are the small joys in my life now that my social career has been destroyed. I would rather stay at home and play Super Mario than try to eek out a new public life as this silly-looking balding dude.

                Comment

                • 25 going on 65
                  Senior Member
                  • Sep 2010
                  • 1476

                  #9
                  Oh, as for how I deal with it when I go out... well, usually I wear a hat. If my hair is long enough, I can style it in a way that gives me full coverage, which is useful if you're attending a wedding or funeral and can't wear a hat. But then I have to worry about wind, rain, etc... not to mention it can take a long time to make sure the hair is sitting right, not exposing my scalp.
                  For the most part though, I'm just staying at home. I mean look at me now, spending my morning on a hair loss forum instead of being out living my life. Blah!

                  Comment

                  • dgman21
                    Senior Member
                    • Sep 2010
                    • 203

                    #10
                    Yea i know thats exactly what Im doing. I have a degree but i dont even want to look for jobs cause life sucks with hair loss. I live with my mom and stepdad in their house but shes getting real sick of me doing nothing but i dont care. I really wish there was meetings like BA(bald anonymous) for therapy to talk to people that understand. I dont know how to move forward in life.....

                    Comment

                    • 25 going on 65
                      Senior Member
                      • Sep 2010
                      • 1476

                      #11
                      Yeah man, our situations are very similar. I'm living with my family and my dad is sick of it. When I try to explain to him what's going on, he tells me to get over it, which is easy to say when you're pushing 60 with a better head of hair than your 25-year-old son!
                      I don't know how to move forward either. I feel like my life is on hold until science can regrow my hair for me, which I guess is stupid because that technology might be 15-20 years away for all I know. But without that glimmer of hope, the hope of successful stem cell therapy, I think I'd be even more depressed than I am now.

                      Comment

                      • dgman21
                        Senior Member
                        • Sep 2010
                        • 203

                        #12
                        Have u considered a hair transplant? Thats the direction im headed in but theres alot of scary comment on here about it.

                        Comment

                        • 25 going on 65
                          Senior Member
                          • Sep 2010
                          • 1476

                          #13
                          I have considered HT, but I still have some serious reservations about it.
                          I'll go into more detail when I get back on later; need to go handle a few things before I end up spending my whole day here!
                          Out of curiosity though, what are the main things concerning you about a possible future transplant?

                          Comment

                          • dgman21
                            Senior Member
                            • Sep 2010
                            • 203

                            #14
                            Ok.
                            My concerns are not getting any results,losing more existing hair because of the trauma of the hair transplant and it not growing back,pain lasting along time,scars,wasting a lot of $$ that I dont have. The biggest concern is NOT GETTING ANY results though when the doctor guarantees it. What bout you?

                            Comment

                            • ThatGuy
                              Junior Member
                              • Sep 2010
                              • 8

                              #15
                              Are you guys on propecia?

                              Just wanted to know if you guys were on propecia? if so how has your experiences been with it? I cut it down to a half dose because I just felt not like myself, it really made me feel dull , and slow I think it interferes with the thought process or something. How sad is taking a medication to keep your hair from falling out? On top of that I hate medications! What else have you guys tryed?

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