I feel afraid of what men think of me

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  • mimosa
    Junior Member
    • Dec 2011
    • 6

    I feel afraid of what men think of me

    I'm only 24 but I'm already dealing with hair loss

    I feel I'm too young for this and the majority of women my age still have thick, luxurious hair... even my 86 year old grandma has a beautiful head of thick, silver hair. I still have enough hair to make it seem "normal" to the untrained eye, but some people have commented on how thin and fine my hair is. I hate that I can basically only wear it down, because with a ponytail some "bald spots" start becoming apparent.

    But what what concerns me the most is what men think, even bald men. 'Cause no one wants a bald woman! Or at least that's what I feel... like maybe hair loss makes a young woman look sick or unhealthy. I've been told I have a pretty face and a nice body (I wouldn't know since I've always had low self esteem, but I do get some more attention than I'd expect). The problem is for example that I'm always scared that a guy will notice my hair loss, for example if he touches my hair in the heat of the moment (if you know what I mean) or if he sees my hair wet, etc. I'm not even talking about a long time boyfriend or husband who would "accept me just as I am", but someone I'm just getting to know.

    It makes me sad that I'll never be truly attractive, I never had that chance because as a teen I was overweight and then after that I started losing my hair when I was like 18 I think... it was all very gradual so I didn't notice until last year, and I guess I was a bit in denial too.

    I haven't been diagnosed with PCOS but maybe I have it? My sister has it, and she also has pattern hair loss. I have insulin resistance which is usually related to PCOS but I have no cysts and my periods have always been regular and normal, I also don't have any other markers like hirsutism or acne, but I've heard PCOS can be mild and go unnoticed. My thyroid is also fine. I'm on the pill and it made no difference whatsoever, positive or negative.

    I guess this is a bit of a rant, but for the ladies here, how have you dealt with dating, men and confidence? And if any guys are reading, if a woman is otherwise attractive and nice and kind, would you accept her thinning hair, and that with her you'd never have her change her look/style much?

    I think I have AGA... I'm not sure, but I think so, because my scalp is always really tight and tense, I have seborrheic dermatitis (which I guess is due to dht) and sometimes when I move my hair around or scratch some tiny, fine, almost transparent hairs come out... when I went to the dermatologist he just said I'm balding and didn't go any further and there aren't more derms or good endocrinologists where I live, and I can't afford to go somewhere else to see better docs and pay for expensive treatments (I'm not in the US).

    But on top of it I suspect I might something else, because the tiny hairs only come from the top of my head (AGA), but the rest of my hair is also thinning, not only in density but the diameter of each strand has got finer with time (I've always had thin, fine hair, but looking at old pictures I had more density and my hair seemed stronger, coarser, better texture, etc.). My hair is still shiny though and it grows really fast and really long if I don't get haircuts regularly (at one point I didn't get a haircut for 2 years and it grew from my shoulders to my hips, I'm 5'7" so I think it's quite fast).

    Sorry for the rant/length, I'm just feeling a bit down because I feel like I just missed my chance to ever be attractive, 'cause let's face it, it's not like I can reverse it or even stop it
  • amadeus
    Senior Member
    • Dec 2008
    • 295

    #2
    The bottom line is that we just want our women to look and feel good. If that means getting a good hairpiece or bonded system, then most guys, especially balding guys would have no problem with that. I know I would be fine with it. I think very few women feel good walking around with visibly thinning hair, so there is no reason to suffer, there are lots of ways for women to enhance the appearance of their hair and it is far more acceptable for women to wear wigs or hairpieces then it is for men.

    Hope this helps.

    Originally posted by mimosa
    I'm only 24 but I'm already dealing with hair loss

    I feel I'm too young for this and the majority of women my age still have thick, luxurious hair... even my 86 year old grandma has a beautiful head of thick, silver hair. I still have enough hair to make it seem "normal" to the untrained eye, but some people have commented on how thin and fine my hair is. I hate that I can basically only wear it down, because with a ponytail some "bald spots" start becoming apparent.

    But what what concerns me the most is what men think, even bald men. 'Cause no one wants a bald woman! Or at least that's what I feel... like maybe hair loss makes a young woman look sick or unhealthy. I've been told I have a pretty face and a nice body (I wouldn't know since I've always had low self esteem, but I do get some more attention than I'd expect). The problem is for example that I'm always scared that a guy will notice my hair loss, for example if he touches my hair in the heat of the moment (if you know what I mean) or if he sees my hair wet, etc. I'm not even talking about a long time boyfriend or husband who would "accept me just as I am", but someone I'm just getting to know.

    It makes me sad that I'll never be truly attractive, I never had that chance because as a teen I was overweight and then after that I started losing my hair when I was like 18 I think... it was all very gradual so I didn't notice until last year, and I guess I was a bit in denial too.

    I haven't been diagnosed with PCOS but maybe I have it? My sister has it, and she also has pattern hair loss. I have insulin resistance which is usually related to PCOS but I have no cysts and my periods have always been regular and normal, I also don't have any other markers like hirsutism or acne, but I've heard PCOS can be mild and go unnoticed. My thyroid is also fine. I'm on the pill and it made no difference whatsoever, positive or negative.

    I guess this is a bit of a rant, but for the ladies here, how have you dealt with dating, men and confidence? And if any guys are reading, if a woman is otherwise attractive and nice and kind, would you accept her thinning hair, and that with her you'd never have her change her look/style much?

    I think I have AGA... I'm not sure, but I think so, because my scalp is always really tight and tense, I have seborrheic dermatitis (which I guess is due to dht) and sometimes when I move my hair around or scratch some tiny, fine, almost transparent hairs come out... when I went to the dermatologist he just said I'm balding and didn't go any further and there aren't more derms or good endocrinologists where I live, and I can't afford to go somewhere else to see better docs and pay for expensive treatments (I'm not in the US).

    But on top of it I suspect I might something else, because the tiny hairs only come from the top of my head (AGA), but the rest of my hair is also thinning, not only in density but the diameter of each strand has got finer with time (I've always had thin, fine hair, but looking at old pictures I had more density and my hair seemed stronger, coarser, better texture, etc.). My hair is still shiny though and it grows really fast and really long if I don't get haircuts regularly (at one point I didn't get a haircut for 2 years and it grew from my shoulders to my hips, I'm 5'7" so I think it's quite fast).

    Sorry for the rant/length, I'm just feeling a bit down because I feel like I just missed my chance to ever be attractive, 'cause let's face it, it's not like I can reverse it or even stop it

    Comment

    • dex89
      Senior Member
      • Jul 2012
      • 809

      #3
      Originally posted by Highlander
      I know how you feel. I'm currently on a mission for physical perfection by age twenty-three. I'm using all available methods including plastic surgery, HT's, and gym. If I fail, or become NW3, then it's game over.

      I have felt the power of being beautiful before, and I'm going to feel it again. Do what you can to fight this. At least as a woman you have so many effective options. Even wearing a wig is not that big of a deal - not that it should be necessary given the existing and upcoming treatments.


      #Death at NW3!
      Game over? So, your going to kill yourself?

      Comment

      • lalala
        Member
        • May 2012
        • 54

        #4
        Originally posted by dex89
        Game over? So, your going to kill yourself?
        Yes, that is what he has said he will do. Just like Scorpion did.

        Comment

        • Tracy C
          Senior Member
          • Sep 2011
          • 3125

          #5
          There are plenty of good reasons to believe Highlander and Scorpion are one and the same. Both have extreme mental problems that need a team of therapists to treat. Both refuse to get the therapy they desperately need.

          Comment

          • amibald
            Member
            • Sep 2012
            • 48

            #6
            As a horny little vain 18-year old, I can tell you - hand on heart, with confirmation of dozens of other vain, horny little 18 year olds- that a woman wearing a wig is no big deal at all! Wigs can look real on a woman, unlike on men, so I don't think you should worry about it

            Comment

            • amibald
              Member
              • Sep 2012
              • 48

              #7
              Originally posted by Highlander
              I know how you feel. I'm currently on a mission for physical perfection by age twenty-three. I'm using all available methods including plastic surgery, HT's, and gym. If I fail, or become NW3, then it's game over.

              I have felt the power of being beautiful before, and I'm going to feel it again. Do what you can to fight this. At least as a woman you have so many effective options. Even wearing a wig is not that big of a deal - not that it should be necessary given the existing and upcoming treatments.


              #Death at NW3!
              I suffer from low self-esteem/depression ( not as a result of hair loss, so you can imagine that hair loss has only made things better) and I know the feeling you are talking about- sheer, god damn frustration because you look better with hair vs bald.

              But then again, if you can go through therapy, as I am, deal with your insecurities, sort your life out, build massive confidence, hit the gym, get a tan, get the correct eyebrows/facial hair for facial symmetry, you can exude an awesome personality which is more attracive than a pretty face with major insecurities, plus you're not gonna be 'ugly' .

              Admittedly going bald makes you less aesthetic, no doubt about it. And it's shit, you lose 2 points of attractivenss/10 I'd say. You can easily get 1 point back by the gym/tan/facial hair combo.

              You need to see a cognitive therapist- you honestly wouldn't believe the impact they have for low self-esteem.

              And remember, women are less shallow about men than men themselves, so for a LOT of women (not all ) awesome personality>>> aesthetic but insecure.

              Comment

              • Tracy C
                Senior Member
                • Sep 2011
                • 3125

                #8
                There are many things women find much more unattractive in men than hair loss. Like it or not, the reality is that hair loss is natural and normal for males. It is what it is - and most women don't even give it a second thought. I'm going to be painfully honest about it here. Most guys are clueless about women. Highlander/Scorpion is even more clueless than normal. Highlander/Scorpion is only a lost cause if he chooses to be so. It is his choice and his choice alone.

                Turn the table around though and it is an entirely different story. Though many women do suffer with hair loss, it much more tragic for woman. Therefore it is kept silent and secret. Sure it is more acceptable for a woman to wear hair. But that wig does not repair the damage inflicted on her heart and soul.

                Comment

                • UK_
                  Senior Member
                  • Feb 2011
                  • 2744

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Tracy C
                  There are many things women find much more unattractive in men than hair loss. Like it or not, the reality is that hair loss is natural and normal for males. It is what it is - and most women don't even give it a second thought. I'm going to be painfully honest about it here. Most guys are clueless about women. Highlander/Scorpion is even more clueless than normal. Highlander/Scorpion is only a lost cause if he chooses to be so. It is his choice and his choice alone.

                  Turn the table around though and it is an entirely different story. Though many women do suffer with hair loss, it much more tragic for woman. Therefore it is kept silent and secret. Sure it is more acceptable for a woman to wear hair. But that wig does not repair the damage inflicted on her heart and soul.
                  You're talking rubbish. If you look at all those vampire TV shows with all the good looking men - they're all NW1 or NW2. If you are NW34567 and you are a man you are ****ed.

                  But thank God Histogen showed good results yesterday.

                  Comment

                  • Tracy C
                    Senior Member
                    • Sep 2011
                    • 3125

                    #10
                    Originally posted by UK_
                    You're talking rubbish.
                    As I said, you guys are clueless about how women feel about it. You are also more clueless than normal.

                    Comment

                    • Person
                      Senior Member
                      • Jun 2012
                      • 106

                      #11
                      I do understand that it must be much harder for women. I agree.

                      But anyways, I personally know a girl my age, 24, who has thinning hair. She is still very attractive and guys dont even talk or think about it. She has a great personality and is fun to be around. Most guys say shes definitely hot. I don't think most men would care at ALL if a girl wore a hairpiece or something. Unlike men who would be seen as a weirdo for wearing one.

                      Comment

                      • Tiger norwood's
                        Senior Member
                        • Jul 2012
                        • 104

                        #12
                        I would think that when a girl loses her hair, it will have major effect on her self confidence, it is like losing some of the very thing that makes you feminine. We need to focous on that losing hair is a devastating thing, weather you're a man or a woman. For me it is as devastating as it is for a girl, trust me, i feel like i lost some of my masculinity, and i have lost all of my confidence with meeting a girl. My doctor (female) said it is not a problem when you are a man, and replied "how would you feel about loosing you hair?" she said very awful, and i responded "there you have it" it does'nt matter if you're a man or a woman, you like to look good an be confident about yourself and not feel alienated.

                        Comment

                        • UK_
                          Senior Member
                          • Feb 2011
                          • 2744

                          #13
                          perhaps balding men notice balding women more.

                          Comment

                          • BigThinker
                            Senior Member
                            • Oct 2012
                            • 1507

                            #14
                            Originally posted by amibald
                            I suffer from low self-esteem/depression ( not as a result of hair loss, so you can imagine that hair loss has only made things better) and I know the feeling you are talking about- sheer, god damn frustration because you look better with hair vs bald.

                            But then again, if you can go through therapy, as I am, deal with your insecurities, sort your life out, build massive confidence, hit the gym, get a tan, get the correct eyebrows/facial hair for facial symmetry, you can exude an awesome personality which is more attracive than a pretty face with major insecurities, plus you're not gonna be 'ugly' .

                            Admittedly going bald makes you less aesthetic, no doubt about it. And it's shit, you lose 2 points of attractivenss/10 I'd say. You can easily get 1 point back by the gym/tan/facial hair combo.

                            You need to see a cognitive therapist- you honestly wouldn't believe the impact they have for low self-esteem.

                            And remember, women are less shallow about men than men themselves, so for a LOT of women (not all ) awesome personality>>> aesthetic but insecure.
                            My friend,
                            I can be a bit manic depressive at times, but I'm usually in a really good mood and early hairloss is my own physical "flaw", though no one has said anything about my hairloss to me yet.

                            I just wanted to give you one tip to curb your depression: RUN. I can't even exaggerate how good I feel after my daily 3-4 mile run. It's not much, and I rarely do any weight training in conjunction, but goddamn I feel amazing afterwards.

                            My runs always make me stress free, so I can focus on my studies, my internship, and hitting the town my compadres on the weekend. I honestly feel myself exuding confidence and a pleasant attitude at all environments I'm in. I forget about a NW 2 hairline and slightly thinned crown, and I get compliments on my face, skin, etc from girls at the bars.

                            TRUST ME!!!! (and then do all the other treatments you want, to seek perfection) Best of luck

                            Comment

                            • elnino
                              Senior Member
                              • Sep 2012
                              • 149

                              #15
                              tracey-dead right,

                              highlander- im a norwood 2.5...fair enough a 3 is bad but i can still style my hair pretty well, like a fo-hawk...looks good and just cover my temples a bit with the rest-scratch that-looks great and i still get compliments on it. i might upload some pics soon id say. even if dont regrow and stay at a nw2.5 il survive with it but you shouldnt proclaim death at nw 3, people out there are worse on the scale and are achieving good results so be positive.

                              Comment

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