How do you cope with alopecia on a daily basis?

[mimosa]

I'm going through a rough patch with this. I've been shedding more, or at least, I've been noticing more hairs falling (probably because my hair is longer nowm I don't know, but I noticed less shedding when it was shorter). Or maybe it's seasonal (it's fall down here). Who knows. All I know is my alopecia is probably genetic. I haven't been diagnosed, but it's only logical, since there's a history of alopecia from both sides of my family, my dad has hair loss (though not severe) and my mom has really thin hair. My sister also has alopecia, but hers is a bit more severe than mine, probably 'cause she's a bit older than me and also because she has PCOS. I don't have PCOS, but I do have insulin resistance, and I recently learned that it can also cause hair loss, but I doubt it's that. My thyroid is fine, too, no anemia, nothing. It's probably genetic. I know many women with PCOS + insulin resistance + hypothhyroidism who have full heads of hair... actually I think aside from my sister, mom and some older women, I don't know any other women with alopecia, especially not my age (I'm 23).

It's not too bad that you can see bald spots (I have one small bald spot, but that's due to scarring), but my part is wide and I have little volume, my hair is also very fine (if it's longer than shoulder lenght it tangles just by looking at it, it's awful, I get mini dreadlocks everyday when I wake up!). Anyway, it's not THAT bad, but it still gets to me... especially finding stray hairs all day! I hate showering, I hate combing... I can't style it or anything 'cause then some scalp shows. And even though I get compliments often because it's shiny, soft and generally healthy looking, sometimes, some people make stupid comments like: "Wow, your hair is so thin!! Your ponytail is thinner than my thumb!" or "You must save a lot of money on shampoo", "Your part is very wide", "You have very little hair", etc. Why do people think it's ok to make such comments? I find it's akin to making fun of a fat person, or someone with glasses... it's rude and insensitive, and it's not something they can control, it's genetic! My hair oss is genetic, I'm not a freak.

But that's the thing, since people think only men lose their hair, they make me feel like a freak. I feel so ashamed, that's why I avoid getting haircuts. I went to a dermatologist, and he was so insensitive, he just looked at my hair and said "Yep, you're balding" and that was it... of course for a man in his 60s with a full head of hair I guess it's not a serious issue. He couldn't even cure my seborrheic dandruff (by the way, so far neither coal tar nor ketoconazole have solved the problem, any other ideas? Head and Shoulders did nothing either). And there are no other derms in my area, and that was such a discouraging visit... I was almost in tears and that was all he could say, he didn't even recommend minox.

I'm not on any treatment... I'm afraid minox won't work, and I'm also afraid the initial shed will leave me with nothing. I'm too young for spiro I guess... and well, doctors here are so incompetent, they're worse than American doctors (from what I've read). Wigs are too expensive and I want my real hair... at least I don't ever remember having thick hair, so I'm used to not having much... but looking at pictures from when I was younger (just starting puberty, for example) while my hair didn't seem that much thicker, I had a normal, tight part. When I was a kid, I seemed to have normal hair, not much, but normal (my sister on the other hand did seem to have a lot of hair, though maybe it's because she's curly). My mom has constantly told me I've always had thin hair, but I guess it looked normal.

I don't know what to do, this is so stressful... right now, I'm sad about it. Until a while ago, I was fine and didn't stress about it. Now I'm constantly worrying, I wish I could just shave it all off, but then I'd be immediately labeled an outcast. It also terrifies me that guys won't want me... not even bald guys who could be more understanding. My ex had a full head of hair so he didn't get why it was such a problem for me, he said I looked fine and that I was practically imagining it, but I don't know. I have an ok face and an ok body, I just worry that my lack of hair trumps all.

So how can I cope with all these emotions? Sorry this was so long, I just feel too many things and I also feel hopeless because doctors here don't even know much about MPB, so female alopecia is something they practically dont know exists.