Who really knows about your HT?

[XMAN1]

I have found this forum to be great reading when I’m down and in need of some encouragement. Over the past 8 weeks I read a number of postings and the questions and answers are very good and it truly helps! I mostly read the posts just to hear others and what they are going through but I now have an issue that I have not seen posted on this forum. I’m sure HT patients have posted something similar but I haven’t seen it.

First and foremost, please understand like everyone, my situation is unique to me. I’ll try to explain it as best I can but some details will be sparse. I had my first procedure 5 years ago and I was lucky in that I had a lot of existing hair, so NOBODY knew I had it except my doctor and my wife. The only person who could figure it out was my stylist who cut my hair for the next 5 years with NO IDEA! I waited 3 months for the scar to subside to even go in for a cut, and again she never knew. Over the years, I began to thin so I had my second procedure about 3 months ago and except for some minor issues, things are great. I have a lot of hair coming in and once again I waited 3 plus months to see my stylist.

Within 30 seconds of her cutting my hair she said, “Where did this scar come from, I don’t remember it?” My new scar is much longer on both sides unlike the first, so I had to come clean. I talked with her for about 5 minutes explaining that no one can know, and I know this sounds crazy but my career depends on it and that’s the god’s honest truth. I asked her if she ever knew over the years, she had no idea. She was very excited, checking out my scar and some of the new growth and kept saying “I think this is great.” I actually felt invigorated telling her, it was strange to talk about it with someone else and I kept saying, please don’t tell anyone. She cuts or knows so many people I work or associate with. She assured me over and over she would not and she too knows what I do for a living and fully understands why. She tried to calm me by saying this is similar to doctor client privilege, but as everyone knows all people talk. The problem was only beginning.

Over the next two weeks I’ve had sleepless nights, severe anxiety and depression over the idea that someone actually knows. I realize I am lucky in the fact that my transition was smooth and I timed my procedures and my hair loss unlike others who cannot, but again, my situation is unique to me. I walk though work each day wondering if so and so now knows and the stress is mounting. The only person I can talk to is my wife and she just can’t relate, as everyone who’s had a procedure understands. She doesn’t understand the mental side of it. I just don’t know how to cope with the fact that someone else knows after so many years and it’s something I can’t take back. Has anyone else been through something similar? HELP, IDEAS, COPING STATEGIES, ANYTHING…………