taking over my life? plz read and comment

[dda]

I am not posting this to whine and bitch about life I just wanted to share some perspective. i know you guys are understanding.

How many of you guys feel like balding is taking control of yourself? I am about to turn 23 in a month, and I know that I am not enjoying my life as any other young adult should be. The other night I went to a bar/club with a few friends, and the bouncer told us no hats. Of course I felt like the only balding person in there, bar a few older guys. I enjoyed myself more once I got a few drinks in me, and was dancing with a few girls even before I drank anything. But the whole night I would be looking around, and if I saw someone looking at me, I would immediately become paranoid and would wonder if they were noticing my baldness.

And even in simple everyday acts like going out to grab food or anything. i will usually avoid going out if I can't wear a hat, or if its a place inappropriate to wear a hat( not talking about work).

What really kills me recently is that I have met this amazing girl early this past summer. Eventually I broke down and told her how this is affecting my life. She had an eating disorder and some psychological problems, so she was completely understanding. She basically said she doesn't care and thinks im really attractive. The crazy thing is were not even dating. I would have asked her out by now had it not been for this bullshit. So basically I have this girl who is really into me, and I haven't even been that great to her, and I can just not bring myself to dating her. I told her this and she didn't really give me like an ultimatum so things will probably just stay the same for now.

it has absolutely nothing to do with her. I could totally see myself with her, she is beautiful and we have alot in common and know what each other is thinking.. etc.. There is just something in my head that is stopping me from being with her for real. I feel like if we went out in public, and guys saw me with her, it would kill me inside, even though I know that she doesn't care about it. Mind you, Im not completely bald or anything like that, but prob will be close by the time I'm 30 or something, maybe a little later. over the summer we were at a party, and this guy who went to high school with her and used to date her (dumb highschool relationship) came up to me and said those dreadful words you hear from strangers, or not too close of friends... "you're balding bro." And i knew he did it to get into my head. I know that shouldn't matter what other people say, but over the past like 2 years at least 10 people have commented on my hair, and every time it takes a huge emotional toll on me. It literally kills me inside.

just wondering if any of you have any similar experiences or want to say anything... thanks

[Bromin]

As for one that also didn't have very much confidence and self-esteem in my early twenties, I actually do understand much of what your going through. I would give recommendations depending on what type of person you are and if you are the type who can change.

Option #1) Go to a counselor. I am not sure if you are still in school, which would give you a free access to one on campus. Talking about these feelings to a real live person that is not biased and completely objective will help you get "outside" of your head. By reading online comments will only boost your confidence a little bit. Do not think shrinks are the pieces of shit that everyone thinks they are and going to a shrink means you're psycho, what you need to understand is that EVERYONE has problems. If you want examples, just look at any god damn celebrity, if anyone in their own right thinks celebrities are just crazy, they are in self-denial of their own craziness.

Option #2) Self-improvement will help you battle that insecurity and overwhelming self-condemning. There are many ways to improve yourself: fitness, education, musical-expression, medication, and hosts of others depending on yourself. Many people battle the MPH by improving themselves in other ways and it is an extremely good motivating factor, especially since it is a daily reminder.

The most important tip is, everyone is inside of their own heads. You're not the only one who goes on thinking that you are not good enough. Only you can change how you feel about yourself by having confidence and learning that people really don't give a shit because they are too worried about themselves already. Even if you think they are looking at you and/or pitying you, their complete next thought will be about themselves and they will have forgotten you.

Also your relationship with the girl is a whole another topic that will improve through confidence. TBH, it sounds like you both are going through something and would benefit by having each other as a support. Maybe go with that line and ask her out

(I just realized I didn't even touch going bald haha, the usual, GO SEE A DOC)

[VictimOfDHT]

I understand your feeling. I dont think all the counseling in the world can help. Some of us have the ability to cope with this curse or not even be bothered by it at all and some DON'T. I'd never even able to be with a hooker if I were to go completely bald. That's how low of a self-esteem I have because of this shit, and technically I'm not even bald yet. I could say if the girl doesn't mind it then what's the problem but I know I'd be a hypocrite since I know I would be doing the same thing you're doing- push her away.

I tell you man, my life has been completely ruined because of this problem (hair loss). No going out no nothing. Hat on wherever I went. Long story short, yes, for me my struggle against hair loss has made a hostage out of me.

[Bromin]

I understand your feeling. I dont think all the counseling in the world can help. Some of us have the ability to cope with this curse or not even be bothered by it at all and some DON'T. I'd never even able to be with a hooker if I were to go completely bald. That's how low of a self-esteem I have because of this shit, and technically I'm not even bald yet. I could say if the girl doesn't mind it then what's the problem but I know I'd be a hypocrite since I know I would be doing the same thing you're doing- push her away.

I tell you man, my life has been completely ruined because of this problem (hair loss). No going out no nothing. Hat on wherever I went. Long story short, yes, for me my struggle against hair loss has made a hostage out of me.

I really don't know your life story but let me try to put it into perspective. You are absolutely correct in saying there are people who overcome their obstacles and those who don't. But that doesn't mean you should ever give up, what is the point in living if something simple, yes simple, like MPH destroys your life? What if you lost a leg? an arm? half your brain? There are people who would trade their hair to be in your place in this world in a heart beat. I mentioned this before in other posts but if hair loss affects your life to this degree, how are you going to handle with the other stresses in your life? It is all part of life and some of us are gifted in one way and cursed in others. It is all about how you deal with the bad hand and capitalize with your good hands. Sorry for the poker reference haha, couldn't help it.

In the end, everyone loses their hair. Some lose it faster than others. Open up your eyes and stop concentrating on how others perceive you for one second. Go outside in the park and look around with a keen eye. People are dealing with problems every day in their life. Look long enough and you will notice how many bald people there is in this world. If you don't want to take medication, accept the fact that this is part of life and move on to become a better yourself.

[DreamBig]

DDA,

I have been struggling with hair loss since I was about 20 and I can totally associate with the feelings you are having and what you're going through. Although I've stabilised my hairloss now I still struggle with the way I look and feel on a daily basis.

It kills you being a young bloke going out knowing people are judging you just because of your hair.

The best thing for me was to work on other parts of my life which I could change, e.g. going to the gym and working out, furthering my education etc. And I also shaved my head. Although this was hard to do at the time, I'm much happier with the way I look now than the way I did before having to deal with the daily struggle of concealing my receding hairline. I now get compliments from friends on the way I look because of me going to the gym and working out rather than cheap jokes about my hairline.

I've booked in for a transplant with Dr. Rahal in late December to deal with the hair issue.

So in closing, my advice is don't let it control you and bring you down, see it as a vehicle or reason for you to finally better yourself in other areas of your life and if it still worries you enough, do your research and find yourself a top surgeon and contemplate having surgery.

You're not alone in your thinking mate, there's many of us out there who have similar thoughts and feelings everyday.

Cheers,
DreamBig

[ravegrover]

i'm afraid hairloss does rule ones life. i still think abt it at least once every few hours after over a decade of suffering.

one way to cope with it is to not hide behind hats, concealers or wigs. stay natural so u dont compound ur illusions. don't look in the mirror that often. trust me, others dont nearly care as much abt ur hairloss.

[kanyon]

It is such a hassle and obsession for me to conceal my hairloss. I hate doing it and I've been doing it for so long now.

I want to shave my head but there are two things stopping me.

1) My girlfriend would be horrified.

2) I work in a company with over a thousand employees and I can't bear the thought of the first little while after I come into work with a shaved head and everyone giving me shit about it.

I think I could almost accept my friends' responses and shock because I'm not terribly social at the moment. In my case they would be shocked because I do a decent job of hiding my hairloss via a combdown/combover with long hair. People would be surprised at the extent of my baldness. I think I would shave my head if I quit my job but it's just that exposing myself to so many people I know everyday that would be confronting.

I feel that shaving my head before starting a new job would be easier because I'd be getting to know unfamiliar people as a new me.

I think I'd also be ok with no longer attracting any female attention whatsoever anymore either because I've had a good run, am not attracting girls anymore anyway, and my libido is very low these days (possibly due to Fin).

So yeah, I am closer mentally to shaving my head as I was a few months ago but I still can't pull the trigger.

[Bromin]

It is such a hassle and obsession for me to conceal my hairloss. I hate doing it and I've been doing it for so long now.

I want to shave my head but there are two things stopping me.

1) My girlfriend would be horrified.

2) I work in a company with over a thousand employees and I can't bear the thought of the first little while after I come into work with a shaved head and everyone giving me shit about it.

I think I could almost accept my friends' responses and shock because I'm not terribly social at the moment. In my case they would be shocked because I do a decent job of hiding my hairloss via a combdown/combover with long hair. People would be surprised at the extent of my baldness. I think I would shave my head if I quit my job but it's just that exposing myself to so many people I know everyday that would be confronting.

I feel that shaving my head before starting a new job would be easier because I'd be getting to know unfamiliar people as a new me.

I think I'd also be ok with no longer attracting any female attention whatsoever anymore either because I've had a good run, am not attracting girls anymore anyway, and my libido is very low these days (possibly due to Fin).

So yeah, I am closer mentally to shaving my head as I was a few months ago but I still can't pull the trigger.

You can look at #2 in a different way. Shaving your head can get you both compliments and shit. But people give you shit because it's something new and it's a process of recognition. Don't let something that bothered you in 5th grade, bother you in real life right now. Eventually, both compliments and shit will die down because your new shaved look will be the norm to everyone. The upside to the shaved head is that it will bring attention to you, which can be from both females and or other co-workers you might get a long. You will only get shit from people you know as friends, which you shouldn't care about anyway because their all jokes, or at least should be. The people who talk shit behind your back? not worth the minutia of brain power or energy to even worry about them. They are the worthless pieces of crap that have nothing better in their lives but to feed like parasites on others misery.

[Bald Pitt]

Hey man, I can relate im 22 with overall thinning and more so at the crown. I shave my head short so it still looks semi acceptable. But i will tell you a funny story. I am a very intimidating person square jaw thick brow. "former division one wrestler" I had been bouncing at a bar for a month or so and this blonde would always check me out. I recently had acl surgery and and i was out drinking and she sees me n walks up to me and says your hot or w/e. So were talking and im drunk as **** and i go how old are you. and Bam she hits me with I'm 33 with 2 kids. how old are you ?? im thinking fu*k in my head so i tell her im 24. Her name was Anastasia "slutty name" but regardless we smushed and i would put it in my top 5 as far as pleasure. she honestly looked like she was 25 she was about 5'8 125 lbs. Just wanted to share my first ever experience of hairloss getting me laid. All i got to say is say no to propecia something will be coming out in the next few years. the market is there. ambitious ppl will figure something out. Its daily struggle, more so for guys like me in there early 20's. stay strong brotha and good luck.

[dda]

thanks for taking the time to reply guys. I definately needed to get that out of my system. I am optimistic that something will be available for the common market in like 10 years. until then im just going to keep it short and hope that rogaine starts working. I am on my fourth bottle right now as I have started it in august so I will update how everything is going at the 4th or 5th month. good luck fellas