consumed by hair loss

[yesterdayoncemore]

hello everyone, or should i say fellow comrades

i am an 18 year old, a fun loving, happy, crazy girl with great friends and family. But hair loss is really ruining my life. I know life isnt a bed of roses, but still I have done nothing to deserve a bed of thorns. Hair loss is CONSUMING me, im utterly obsessed - each hair that falls sends me into a panic. Maybe some of you can understand, when I seen a strand of hair on my shirt, my heartbeat accelerates and all i see is the hair/s, all i feel is the rising fear. Why me, why again, why yet another strand??

I just dont understand why this is happening now, when Im at my prime in life. As I write this I'm fighting tears. I feel like Im spinning into an abyss, I cant get out, I feel so trapped. I wish this were a dream.

I absolutely understand what some of you mean when people go ''hair loss?? ha like real''. it IS real, dammit. the past two days, the hair loss accelerated.Just sitting down, 30 strands fell out. they were all around me, I felt close to suicidal. I cant stand meeting anyone now, I feel so humiliated. Each time Im out, for I have a holiday job, I feel that everyone is staring at my scalp. I feel like breaking down so often.

The panic and fear is the worst. I think Im on my way to developing a psychological disorder in addition to hair loss if this goes on. I really cannot bear it anymore, I dont know what to do. I have an appointment with the National Skin Institue in my country, but the appointment is weeks from now. I called, biting back tears, this morning to ask if anyone at all had cancelled their appointment. But none did.

now,
I am so afraid of meeting people
I am so afraid of finding hairs on my pillow when I wake up that I wake in cold sweat
I am so afraid of looking at past pictures.
I am so afraid of combing my hair. as 'pinceee' said in another tread, WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO COMB MY HAIR. I fantasize about it everyday, I wish for it so so so much.
What i would give to have a head massage without feeeling so scarde i can barely breathe.
what i would give to bring myself to stop obssesivelt taking pictures of my scalp everyday.
what i would give to be able to wear non-white shirts, for only white shirts allow me to count the fallen hairs most easily.

through the course of this thread, I have already looked down at my shirt countless times, checking, checking, always checking.

Its pure torture. I feel so panicky, so fearful. All i want to do is break downa nd cry or sit still and hope that reduces hair fall or wish that i were in a time and place where hair loss was normal/celebrated.

Im only 18! Im no evil-doer, I just want to be a normal teenager. Why me???


can someone help me please? I JUST WANT TO RETURN TO NORMAL.

Anyway, this has been a great place to vent, and I know that above and beyond our common hair loss problem, we're all wonderful kind BEAUTIFUL people. All the best to everyone here, may lady luck smile upon us all.