29, virgin, weighing hair options

[RichardR]

I was confused when I was 16 and my hair started looking "mangy". By the time I was 18 I noticed the huge red patch of bare skin on the back of my head and asked a doctor about it. Never in a million years would I have thought that people my age go bald, so I assumed something was wrong. Anyway, by 20 I was Costanza level. There wasn't even any hair between my receding hairline and my crown bald patch.

So since then I've been cropping and shaving my head, but my head has an odd shape and I always disliked this. Also, I've never been able to get rid of the obvious stubble on the back of my head, so even shaving I could never hide it. These days I combine shaving with a hat, trying to avoid taking my hat off in brightly lit places. Oh, and I have psoriasis on my head and body as well as a huge red birthmark on the back of my head.

I always wanted to be a translator, and I've lived in an East Asian country since I finished school six or so years ago. I thought a bonus to this would be increased romantic prospects due to being white, but I've been shot down about 40 times here so far.

Even with a hat I tended to get stood up on blind dates, so I started sending more honest photos, which resulted in less being stood up, but when the issue of my hair became clear the relationships always seemed to trail off. Or sometimes they'd just pretend to go to the bathroom and jet right there.

So here I am, my 20s all but evaporated. I guess it's hard to accept someone like me to a girl in her 20s, but I hope maybe going forward I might have some luck.

I've been planning and saving for a trip to the US later this year, and while I'm there I was thinking about doing something about my head.

My first idea was a full wig to wear over my trimmed head.

Then I hit on these stubble tattoo places and got pretty damned excited, but during my research I found this site which kidna turned me off to the idea. The big places that do it seem to have no love on this site and this scared me from the idea.

So now I'm weighing my options...

I did a bit of searching on full wigs as opposed to hairpieces, but I didn't find too much info. Is this route considered a bad idea? Maybe buying two or three of the same moderately priced wig and then wearing a hat over it is something I'd considered, but I don't like the idea of a hairpiece, and some expensive "hair system" would require maintenance (the ones I've found locally cost annually something like my entire salary, so they're out).

So I guess I'm down to figuring out where to go for an affordable wig or finding some mascara-like product to fake stubble and then buying a suitcase full of it. Any feedback or advice on these two options or general ideas on others would be appreciated!

[Weedwacker]

Richard, you have all my sympathy. Life, at times, is very unfair. I too began thinning very young - at the age of 17. It was a nightmare and has affected my life--especially when I was younger. Like you, I was completely bald by 21. This is not supposed to happen to us when we are young. That is why youth is called 'being young.'

I am surprised that you have had trouble in East Asia with regard to dating. I am sorry to hear that. I was under the impression that Asian women were not quite as superficial as Western women.

You could try a hairpiece. I used to wear one. A full one is either glued or taped to your head; however, with your skin condition, your head might get a little irritated from that. Perhaps tape would work. There are probably concealers (like the ones women use) that would help to hide your birth mark.

The Edge, from U2, starting losing his hair very young; he was, as far as I could see, in his early 20s. It appears to bother him because I have almost never seen him without a bandana or hat on. He found a way to style his way around it. If I'm not mistaken, I think I even saw a picture of him at his wedding a few years back, and he was wearing a hat!

I wish you well.

[Havok]

I always wanted to be a translator, and I've lived in an East Asian country since I finished school six or so years ago. I thought a bonus to this would be increased romantic prospects due to being white, but I've been shot down about 40 times here so far.

lol that's kinda racist don't you think. didn't know being white was an asset :P
being an east asian myself i can tell you an easy way to attract east asian girls ..it's $$

BTW east asian girls are VERY superficial. you'll have to look far and wide to find a young girl without a nose job or some sort of minor plastic surgery on their face. that's why they all look alike.

anyways not all girls are like that so all i can say is keep searching for someone that is right for you. if you feel you lack in the look department then try to improve other aspects of yourself. small things can add up and people will take notice.

there are some promising treatments that are being developed/tested so that's something to look forward to. if you shave your head then going the micro pigmentation route may be a good idea. i've seen few pictures with great results.

[RichardR]

Thanks for the information.

lol that's kinda racist don't you think. didn't know being white was an asset :P
being an east asian myself i can tell you an easy way to attract east asian girls ..it's $$

I don't think it's racist at all. Especially in Japan where I've lived all my adult life foreign men tend to be popular/fashionable and white men especially tend to have much better prospects than they did back home. A well-observed phenomenon relating to ethnicity, but not racist. If anything painting an ethnicity as gold-digging is more racist.

[VictimOfDHT]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I know sorry won't do nothing but I don't know what else to say. I know nothing I will say can take your pain and suffering away. Life is ****ing cruel. Very very cruel.
What's the purpose of all of this ?? Why do we have to suffer like this ?? Many of us people with hair loss problems aren't asking for much. Many of us would be happy just getting our hair back and nothing else. I can't help but wonder why. Why does there have to be such a thing as "baldness" ? Is there really a purpose, I mean beside making as many men as miserable as can be ?

But which is more cruel, life or those who bring us into it ?

I don't know what else to say man but I feel your pain as I live in my own pain because of this curse.

[spectrum]

I understand what you have experienced, I even cant believe you are still virgin but I hope you get someone as soon as possible, a real hot chick. But on the other hand, believe me, many of hot chicks (not all of them) only think about money and just money! They see your car, your expensive suit and your big gold necklace! Money is the most important part to start! I cant forget when I tried to kill my self twice because of loneliness, I was too ugly even when I had some hair on my head, I had numerous big black spots of my face and getting bald made my face even uglier. by the way, i had to start wearing big thick glasses when I was only 12, and after years it's getting even thicker and bigger! I am not a tall man, in better words I am shorter than the other guys. I am going to be a completely bald geek within this decade.

But most of all, I really love to inhale and exhale. That's the point in my life.

[VictimOfDHT]

So, what if someone doesn't have the looks and doesn't have money either ?? You guys talk as if every unattractive person has an option of becoming rich instead to attract women. Well, unfortunately that's not the case. It's not like you have a choice -looks or riches.

But why do you people assume that we only care about our hair to attract women ? I don't give a damn about women. I just want to keep my hair....FOR ME.

[spectrum]

VictimOfDHT, I actually no longer try to persuade any women (I have no chance at all) and I know if I had a head, full of hair, I couldn't even think of attracting any woman because of many reason including where I 'm living and how weak I 'm grown up. Having hair, it's confidence. It leads you to talk with confidence, It is very true at least for me. By the way, money is a point to start up every thing.

As I already noted the most important thing for me is to breath in and to breath out. That's all.

[Weedwacker]

I think the point is that hair loss does affect our confidence - but I think this is mainly personal, and not based on the opinions of others. Hair loss is more of an individual, private problem than anything else. In other words, it matters more to us than anyone else. Hair is a part of us; therefore, it has a major effect on our appearance.

The best way to deal with hair loss is just realize that life is not fair, and move on. There's really nothing else to say or do at this point.

[VictimOfDHT]

Spectrum, I don't have anything to do with women either. I'm not bad looking and when I was younger I used to get approached by nice looking women but I still didn't want to have any relationship with any woman and didn't bother to associate with them. Still, I know it's something I'd like to have a choice in- meaning I want it to be my own choice not to be around women and NOT have it forced on me like when we start losing our hair and we start feeling less confident about our looks and even convince ourselves we have no chance with women as we've lost our looks.

But like I said, I want to keep my hair for me and no one else. Having hair isn't just about attracting women. I think hair is as important as any other part of our bodies. To me, losing your hair isn't any different from losing other parts of your body. Some times it's even worse. Some people lose a hand or a leg and still go on with their lives almost like normal. However, some people have their whole lives destroyed because of their hair loss problem and have completely lost all interests in life. This has happened to me, and I'm not even bald yet. The psychological effects of hair loss are very far reaching. I've literally been a prisoner of my hair loss problem and the fear that I might be completely bald one day as it progresses slowly.

Weedwacker, the truth is that we might exaggerate the effects of hair loss in OUR MINDS but that doesn't mean that hair loss does not affect the way others see us and deal with us. It's been proven that people with good looks (and beautiful hair) are treated differently -more favorably- than others. But again, what matters is how I think of myself, and the simple fact is that for most of us hair loss sufferers hair loss DOES **** up our self esteem and confidence, which WILL reflect on just about every aspect of our lives.