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  1. #1
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    Default Dont let hair loss destroy your life, easier said than done

    Hello everyone, this is my first post to this forum although I've been lurking for a while, I felt the need to finally share my own personal story. Maybe others younger than me will be able to learn from some of my mistakes.

    I am 27 years old with severe hair loss which started at 17. I would say I am currently a Norwood 4.5 and have just recently come to the realization that I am heading towards a NW 6-7 very quickly. I have already had three procedures. My first one was when I was 19 which I deeply regret. At that point my hair loss was just starting to become noticeable and I panicked. I went to several reputable HT surgeons who turned me down (as they should have) before being butchered by someone very unethical. He made my hairline way too low, wasted many grafts, and left me with a huge donor scar. I was young, stubborn, and stupid, and I should have listened to reason. But throughout HS I always had thick and long hair (down to my shoulders), was in a rock band, very popular, and had ALOT of female attention. I had let my hair become my "identity" and it was absolutely devastating for me to watch it disappear. After the first procedure due to shock loss and possibly poor technique/results, I ended up looking MUCH worse than when I started. I become so self conscious I ended up wearing a hat throughout much of my college life. Needless to say, my confidence (and social life) plummeted due to preoccupation with my hair, and I "wasted" my college years in severe depression.
    At the age of 22, I decided to try again with a 2nd procedure. I had spent years of my life practically withdrawn from society, just working and "subsisting". I did thorough research this time, and went with a top-notch surgeon. This time, the final results were fantastic, and I was extremely satisfied. With my confidence and some happiness restored, I started really living my life again. I dated numerous woman in just a few years before deeply falling for someone at 25. She had an amazing personality and was absolutely gorgeous and I could hardly believe that she was interested in me at first. She would turn heads wherever we went and was constantly being hit on. I would laugh early on in the relationship when she would tell me she thought I was out of her league and felt lucky. We moved very fast and moved in together after only a few months, less than a year later we got engaged. Things were going great in my life, I felt truly content and hadn't thought about my hair in years...HUGE MISTAKE..I stopped taking propecia and my hair loss quickly resumed. It was only at the start of last summer that it really hit me again one day while looking at the top of my head closely in the mirror. Nearly all of my native hair had fallen out and more receded, with only a thin coverage from my HTs. I FREAKED OUT and once again plummeted into a deep depression. My fiance at the time was very supportive of me and tried in every which way to help me get out of it. She convinced me to shave my head, which actually made me feel a little better until I started getting blatant comments from others about my donor scars. I became more and more self-conscious, insecure, preoccupied, even obsessed with my hair loss. I turned my insecurities towards my fiancee, getting jealous, paranoid, etc. and starting pointless arguments with her as well as other family members. Finally, one day a few months ago, things got really ugly. I had a blowout with my fiance at a social event. I had been drinking heavily and all the irrational thoughts and stupid obsesssion w/ my hair became unbearable. We had a huge argument, I said some incredibly cruel things to her and walked out on her, inadvertantly causing something horrible to happen to her, leaving her physically and emotionally scarred. Needless to say, she broke off our relationship and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore (I can't blame her).

    So here I am dealing with a tragedy that was very much my fault, and extremely aggressive hair loss that I've already dealt with before and falsely believed I had "resolved". I had yet another HT last month but am now running out of donor hair. In the past, post-op I always felt hopeful and excited that things would get better for me, but surprisingly, I don't feel that this time. I don't know if it will even matter how much benefit this HT will bring me, I regret having ever started this, and I deeply regret how much time in my life I have wasted obsessing over my hair. Just a few months ago I had everything I could've ever wanted (which I only believed came with a head of hair), a good social life, great paying job, amazing fiancee, so WHY did I let my hair bother me so much? What keeps crossing my mind is something my ex said to me shortly before things got bad between us. That even when she met me I had very thin hair and she could tell I was balding (so I was only fooling myself with the HTs), yet she found me much more attractive than many guys with full heads of hair. She said she loved the presence and confidence I carried, and would've never imagined that my hair loss was such an issue for me. I didn't believe her when she said it, and still can't, but I'm starting to think I'm just NOT LETTING myself believe it.

    So, I guess what I'm finally realizing is that, yes hair loss sucks, and yes, you will be treated differently by some people and probably rejected more frequently by women, and yes, your chances of being the next brad pitt or fabio are nill, but there are plenty of other reasons why that would happen anyway. I mean, if you had an abnormally large nose, big ears, or whatever else, you'd face the same fate. Imperfections are a part of life for all but the very very lucky few. Hair loss is DEVASTATING and DESTRUCTIVE at a young age only if you allow it to be. And I know it is easy to say that, but very hard to live by it...sh*t I'm still not there yet. But I think it is just like facing any other adversity in life, you have to FORCE yourself not to succumb to your own negative thoughts, be strong, go out there and live the fullest life you possibly can. Because otherwise, you will waste years (perhaps decades) of your life in your own mental prison. And whats hitting me now is that once your in your later years of life, when hair loss is much more common and is actually the least of your problems, you will end up truly regretting shutting yourself away somewhere because of a few square inches on the top of your head.

    This is actually the first night in my entire life that I've been able to speak positive words, truly feel them, and have hope. And for once, that hope has absolutely nothing to do with my hair growing back. Its hope that I will not ruin my 30s as I have done my 20s and hope that I might not let my heart sink when looking in the mirror tomorrow.

  2. #2
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    damn, sad story. I hope you really do make the most of ur 30s...you're still young, and probably better off (financially) than in your 20s, so enjoy it! I'm sure another great girl will come along for u

  3. #3
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    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I found the part about where your fiancee had noticed you were balding interesting.

    I myself have gone through periods where I thought I was covering up my baldness really well only to see a picture of myself a few months later and thinking to myself, "what was I thinking? That looks so obvious."

    If you look at yahoo answers and other sites on the web, you will find that an overwhelming majority of women prefer shaved or buzzed hair on a balding guy over obvious cover-ups and wigs.

    Our own eyes can deceive us into thinking things look better or worse than what they really are. And our own obsession over our hair can lead us to believe that loved ones around us also obsess over it, while in reality it is not a big issue for them.

  4. #4
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    Reading your post was well worth my time I have to say. I'm starting to go into depression and I can't stop it. I'm also starting to turn down social events as I did earlier this morning. I have a friend who started balding even earlier than me. He is 27 now as well and has not finished college or done anything with his life. He seems okay when I'm around him, but I know he's a little bit insecure. I'm really trying to grasp your insight and embrace it as best I can. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to it, I feel like I die everytime I look in the mirror. Oh well, I will buzz my head soon and try to find a way to live on. =/

  5. #5
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    Very interesting and positive message. To which i can relate.

    Im into the "rock" thing also so the, very long, hair IS my identity. And because of that my depression (NOT my hairloss) already cost me the end of a 6 year relation ship with a woman.

    Good luck and thanks for your message.

  6. #6
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    Default Don't give up

    Thanks for sharing your story. I met my wife when I was 24 and slightly thinning. A year later I got a donor strip done because I thought I would lose her and because it was already starting to affect my confidence.

    I have never regretted something so much in my life. Like many others, I was shown fancy brochures and promised the earth with the results. Now you can see from my pics I am almost completely gone with an obvious donor scar. My wife has never bothered about this, at least outwardly, but like one poster above, I can't look in the mirror and refuse photographs when out with friends. Every hair that has fallen out has taken a piece of my life force and personality with it. I also decline social events, and I have a 20 year school reunion coming up this summer which I am already trying to get out of. I would love nothing better than to go out and about socially like I would have back in the day, but I simply don't have the personality any more to respond to hair teasing, stares or outright insults. No question, my hair loss and HT causes me shame and embarrassment most days, a ludicrous situation to be in at 37 years of age.

    But I'm optimistic for once in my adult life. I am currently looking to have my scar repaired and plugs removed, and weighing up my options regarding this. All I want to do is buzz it all off to at least a 1 guard, and get on with my life without any issues about my head, or at least diminishing issues. The one great thing in all this is I am still married to the greatest girl in the world who has watched me suffer through the years but has nothing but love and support for me. If it wasn't for her I know I wouldn't still be here. But any guy going through this will tell you that there is still that nagging voice in your head that says "I wish I didn't look so ridiculous for her sake."

    I want to finish on a positive note, because these feelings will surface for many others. It does and WILL get easier. My advice would be shave your head when the time comes, don't get a scar job done in any circumstances, and in time you will grow accustomed to your new look. And lots of girls do go for that buzzed look these days. I wish everyone well, and I will keep you posted on my own repair work when I can afford it. It's not cheap.

    Peace out.

  7. #7
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    Hey Vince, I'm a rocker myself, and that's why hair loss is so difficult for me to accept. That's why I will not get a hair transplant either, because then I'd never be able to grow my hair long again. And I don't want permanent scars on my head either. It's just so tough to fathom that we have not found a cure for hair loss yet; with all of the chemicals out there that are known to stimulate hair growth but are never tried on humans. Under 'Cutting Edge Treatments', I wrote a list of new treatments that could offer much much greater benefits than crappy Rogaine and Propecia, which don't do much of anything.

  8. #8
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    Hi dude !

    I dont get it why you say you wont have hair transplant either, because then you'd never be able to grow your hair long again ?
    Why that ? it justtakes time but you can have long hair after a hairtransplant right ?

    Ill check out your list.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Havok's Avatar
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    even if one were to try and make the most of it, there's not much left for the young bald guy. sure you may find a girl who's willing to tolerate a bald guy in his 20s but you know all girls want good looking guys with full head of hair that they can show off to their friends and family. they all want cool looking boy toys just like how guys want trophy wives. hair loss is horrible and unattractive. girls will be embarrassed to show off their bald boyfriend at social events. i guess there are many girls out there that are willing settle or compromise depending on other factors like money, family, career etc but whatever the case hair loss sucks and you'll quickly realize getting high on positive perspective will not last long for the young and bald.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Havok View Post
    even if one were to try and make the most of it, there's not much left for the young bald guy. sure you may find a girl who's willing to tolerate a bald guy in his 20s but you know all girls want good looking guys with full head of hair that they can show off to their friends and family. they all want cool looking boy toys just like how guys want trophy wives. hair loss is horrible and unattractive. girls will be embarrassed to show off their bald boyfriend at social events. i guess there are many girls out there that are willing settle or compromise depending on other factors like money, family, career etc but whatever the case hair loss sucks and you'll quickly realize getting high on positive perspective will not last long for the young and bald.
    I wish I could like your comment, at least in my case. I don't know how "horrible" it would be for other people.

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