My partner talks to his ex secretly: what can I do?

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Although keeping in touch with those we had an emotional relationship with in the past is not a negative thing, it can be to keep secret conversations from our current partner.

“ My partner talks to his ex secretly. When I ask him, he denies it, but I know that they have frequent contact on the cell phone. What can I do?". This may seem like a problem without excessive relevance, but the truth is that it is the object of concern and high anxiety on the part of many people.

They are complex and very diverse situations that are worth delving into.

Reasons why my partner talks to his ex secretly

It is not strange or unusual to keep the number of our exes. Nor is it to continue having them on our social networks and be aware of their lives and updates. Although on certain occasions the latter may not be healthy or recommended.

You may be wondering if it is customary to continue talking to ex-partners since it seems to be more frequent than we think. Research papers, such as those done at the University of New Hampshire, indicate something illustrative. Among the university population, about 40% maintain contact with their previous effective relationships. The number is high.

Most regained contact between one and two months after the breakup. The reason? There are several. Thus, in case we are seeing ourselves in this same situation and we wonder why my partner talks to his ex secretly, there are explanations that are worth understanding.

Shorter relationships correlate with more subsequent contact

Something that could be seen in this study is that those couples who had maintained a more solid and committed relationship were less likely to maintain a later contact. In these cases, there is a greater need to turn the page.

However, those couples who had been together for a few months, for example, were more likely to continue with exchanges of messages and calls. In many cases, one or both of them had the feeling that there was still a certain spark, certain complicity, or that their story had changed, but had not ended.

There are still latent feelings

When you ask yourself "why is my partner talking to his ex in secret?", You may think that the reason is that there may still be felt.

That's how it is. There are many times that new relationships are started without having closed previous stages well. Emotions that are too vivid and intense, false hopes or real hopes creep in ... Even the urge to speak or contact the old partner several times a day.

The current relationship is not going well and the ex-partner is sought

When things are not going well in a relationship, many people look to their environment for a person with whom they have already been very close, share them love images, talk to them for a long time.. In some cases, that person is the ex.

They share difficulties, the problems experienced in a strange attempt to find that company in complicity that has not been broken. Furthermore, current difficulties may suggest the idea that past times were better. Memories are filtered by the intelligence of our memory, which tend to preserve the good and forget the bad.

The friendship that we don't quite understand

It is possible that love ends and that what remains between two people is a friendship . In this way, there are those who do not quite believe it and distrust the person who maintains an affective bond with who is still in contact with their ex. Especially because this contact tends to follow very special guidelines and in it a language of trust tends to be the first.

In this sense, it may not be easy or comfortable to see the couple sharing conversations and time with the person who not long ago occupied their role.
However, in many cases the partner who has broken up has no intention of returning, only to maintain the relationship with a person whom they know they can trust. A certainty that is very difficult to reach if we take into account that we live in a world governed by appearance.

What can we do in these situations?

Research papers such as those carried out at the University of Nebraska (United States) indicate something important. Dissolving a relationship is not easy. Those who keep in touch abound, often clinging to a possible reconciliation.

However, the evidence tells us that properly closing and turning the page allows us to move forward with greater integrity. It also helps us to build new relationships later without that effective echo of yesterday. Now, what if my partner talks to his ex on the sly?

Well, it's time to start a conversation. Before we start to blame, get defensive or walk away, we can encourage our partner to explain exactly what the situation is. Once the cards are on the table, we can ask ourselves if this definition hurts or hurts us and take action on it.

Assertive communication, sincere and mature are the key in these contexts. Once these requirements have been fulfilled, if for us that relationship is an insurmountable obstacle, we have every right to raise it. We are talking about complex affective realities that must be addressed as soon as possible.
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