Twenty years of hair loss, twenty years of hell. - BaldTruthTalk.com
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  1. #1
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    Default Twenty years of hair loss, twenty years of hell.

    Hi Guys,

    Just signed up today. I have nothing to share here that hasn't been said a million times before. But after 21 years of suffering with hair loss, the opportunity this website presents to vent has finally gotten the best of me. In a way I'm ashamed of that, but it is what it is.

    I've always resisted spending time discussing my hair loss because after all is said and done, there ain't no getting what we all really want... which is to revert the hair loss back to pre-loss conditions. Like a whole nose, a whole arm, or a whole leg, we understandably want a whole head of hair. But because there is no attaining that ideal solution, to sit around yapping about it is time lost in negativity, and time lost for other productive activities. We are alive for a startlingly short period of time (I tell myself)... we should use our time prudently.

    Anyway, I'm 39 years old and I've been losing my hair since age 18. Throughout that time I've always summed it up as, "20 years too early," regarding how my hair has looked at any given time. I was 18 looking 38. This observation is obviously not scientific, but before it all started, I somehow got it in my naive head that this kind of thing always begins no earlier than in one's 40's. At age 17, I "knew" this kind of thing was decades away.

    While the truth about it all rode quickly into my young world like a speeding Mack truck into a little girl's lemonade stand, my problem has been that despite herculean efforts to distract myself from it, I have not been able to shake the emotional devastation the hair loss has unleashed on my psyche. In that way, it definitely is disease-like.

    At age 18 the beginning was characterized by shock. By age 20 the shock morphed into terror, which later evolved into deep sadness, which by age 30 became a crushing depression, which led me to where I am now... a numb resignation. The condition, via the depression, has literally caused me to fail at my career, and at this point the first 15 or so years of dread I experienced presenting myself in public has now begun to be displaced by a "third-person" pity of sorts. Now that I am (out of sheer exhaustion) beginning to surrender to it, I have pity for myself that 20 years of potentially positive living (my precious 20's and 30's) have been lost to the daily, dark, torturous state of mind I've been submerged in all this time. I'm not asking for pity, I'm just acknowledging that it's unfortunate, whether it's about me or anyone else.

    Needless to say, with so many years to confront this issue, there isn't a "solution" I haven't explored, or a perspective I haven't heard. And obviously, no solution or perspective has brought relief. More than a full head of hair, I now just wish I could escape the feelings once and for all. Nearing middle age, I fear I will never know a year as an adult unconsciously blissful of what has happened to me.

    It's incredible that with all the poverty, hunger, unfairness, and bloodshed one could experience in this crazy world, weathering something as "harmless" as hair loss can so crush the life out of someone. Intellectually, I really can see that it's no big deal. But emotionally it's a completely different story.

    Do I have advice? I guess the only thing I can advise is that if you're just starting to notice a hint of hair loss, start swimming in Rogaine, which by all accounts seems to allow you to at least stay where you are. If you don't want to treat it, move quickly to work through the psychology of it so that if you're going to find peace, you will waste as few years as possible submersed in the mental hell of it all.

    If you read this, thanks for taking the time, and good luck.

  2. #2
    Doctor Representative mattj's Avatar
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    Hi bawty,
    I know what it's like to lose years of your life to depression. In my case hairloss wasn't a major part of the problem, but was an unwelcome addition to the issues I already faced. The impact that hairloss (or any other affliction major or minor) has on a person is very much tied to individual temperament. I've come to realise that more than anything I was a slave to my own negative emotions and that it was these emotions that were the real obstacle in my life.

    It's easy to just fester alone and assume that everyone else will share your negative perception of yourself, but a major part of my recovery was just getting out there, occasionally allowing others to know about my personal fears, and seeing their genuine shock that I would let such things bother me. This left me sad that I had allowed myself to be held back for so long, but it gave me a whole lot of hope for the future.

    The thing that you must remember is that there is still a chance to salvage your life and make it a happy one. I can't know the full extent of your personal torment, but that doesn't matter; what I'm saying is valid no matter how bad things might seem and no matter how much you might feel that your situation is an exception to which messages of hope and optimism cannot apply.
    This isn't just generic feelgood bullshit, it's true.

    How far advanced is your hairloss now? You mention Rogaine but have you ever used Propecia?
    I am a patient and representative of Dr Rahal

    My FUE With Dr Rahal - Awesome Hairline Result

    I can be contacted for advice: matt@rahalhairline.com

  3. #3
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    I guess I'm fortunate that it's only been 10 years of dealing with this BS

  4. #4
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    Welcome to the forum bawty. I think your story is unfortunately a common one. Sharing your story might help others who have been feeling just like you realize that hey are not the only ones who feel this way.
    I personally spend a lot of time on this forum. For me sharing the knowledge that I have gained with people helps me through my own emotions about my hair loss. Since I deal with hair loss on a daily basis, I think talking about it with others has helped me a great deal. I can understand why you would think that this could be a waste of time, but it can also be very constructive as long as you keep some perspective.

    Hair loss is hard on all of us, thatís why I think itís so important to come here and interact with other people dealing with the same issues. I think we are all familiar with depression and the feeling of isolation that our hair loss has caused us but like Matt said, there is still opportunity to salvage your life and I think I can speak for every body here when I say that I believe that this forum can be very helpful in the process of healing.

  5. #5
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    Welcome to this illustrious forum. Yup, everything you said is what a lot of us deal with. This forum is real; the people here are truly bothered by the fact that they are losing, or have lost their hair. I think we are the ones who have the balls to discuss it, unlike some other guys who shave their heads for the macho meatball look, and really couldn't care less how they look. Many of them don't live in reality;we do! We are the honest ones;the ones who realize that hairloss may not necessarily mean the end of the world, but, who understand the gravity of it. Hairloss creates a strange psychology;it's one I've been trying to understand for 16 years.

    When I first began balding, I walked around with a hat or hairpiece for the first 8 years of it;I felt embarassed and ashamed. The strange thing is that society creates a stigma about bald men and sometimes I just felt like a loser for being bald. The sad part is that I couldn't control it. I think it's important to create a new meaning for baldness;in other words, change the political correctness involved. It's not our fault that this happend. The following advice has been said before but I will repeat it again: develop your other strengths as a human being. Your hairloss doesn't destroy your intellect, athleticism,artistic talent, morality, sense of humor or any other aspect of yourself. Focus on those other parts of you so that you are a more complete person;furthermore, if you do this, you will be somewhat distracted from your plight.

  6. #6
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    Default I feel your pain bro

    Before coming across this forum I believed that there was something seriously wrong with me for feeling depressed over my balding. I had never spoken to anyone who had expressed such sentiments before. I could not understand why when I had come face to face with some of the most horrible aspects of this world as a soldier, I should feel so deeply depressed over this. Part of the problem was just that - having spent my 20's in the army where balding is a non issue. One shaves one's head and that's that. There is no stigma attached to a bald guy. Your battallion commander may be bald, your brigade commander almost always is. When I was spat out back into the real world there was of course a lot to adjust to, but the way I was treated as a balding guy was the greatest shock of all. I broke down and wrote my sob story a few weeks ago. I still get furious at myself for allowing myself to be miserable over this. I cannot do anything about it though. It has ruined the past 6 years of my life - between masking agents, HTs, stupid rugs. I finally just shaved my head 2 weeks ago. I am treated like garbage at work, but I am determined to live my life honestly without hiding my bald head scar and all. It is miserable. I want my hair back of course. That aint gonna happen. I have to learn to accept it and try and salvage some sort of life. I have enough other problems that I need to deal with. Spending my life consumed by misery over this is regrettable. It is what it is. I feel your pain brother.


    Quote Originally Posted by bawty81027 View Post
    Hi Guys,

    Just signed up today. I have nothing to share here that hasn't been said a million times before. But after 21 years of suffering with hair loss, the opportunity this website presents to vent has finally gotten the best of me. In a way I'm ashamed of that, but it is what it is.

    I've always resisted spending time discussing my hair loss because after all is said and done, there ain't no getting what we all really want... which is to revert the hair loss back to pre-loss conditions. Like a whole nose, a whole arm, or a whole leg, we understandably want a whole head of hair. But because there is no attaining that ideal solution, to sit around yapping about it is time lost in negativity, and time lost for other productive activities. We are alive for a startlingly short period of time (I tell myself)... we should use our time prudently.

    Anyway, I'm 39 years old and I've been losing my hair since age 18. Throughout that time I've always summed it up as, "20 years too early," regarding how my hair has looked at any given time. I was 18 looking 38. This observation is obviously not scientific, but before it all started, I somehow got it in my naive head that this kind of thing always begins no earlier than in one's 40's. At age 17, I "knew" this kind of thing was decades away.

    While the truth about it all rode quickly into my young world like a speeding Mack truck into a little girl's lemonade stand, my problem has been that despite herculean efforts to distract myself from it, I have not been able to shake the emotional devastation the hair loss has unleashed on my psyche. In that way, it definitely is disease-like.

    At age 18 the beginning was characterized by shock. By age 20 the shock morphed into terror, which later evolved into deep sadness, which by age 30 became a crushing depression, which led me to where I am now... a numb resignation. The condition, via the depression, has literally caused me to fail at my career, and at this point the first 15 or so years of dread I experienced presenting myself in public has now begun to be displaced by a "third-person" pity of sorts. Now that I am (out of sheer exhaustion) beginning to surrender to it, I have pity for myself that 20 years of potentially positive living (my precious 20's and 30's) have been lost to the daily, dark, torturous state of mind I've been submerged in all this time. I'm not asking for pity, I'm just acknowledging that it's unfortunate, whether it's about me or anyone else.

    Needless to say, with so many years to confront this issue, there isn't a "solution" I haven't explored, or a perspective I haven't heard. And obviously, no solution or perspective has brought relief. More than a full head of hair, I now just wish I could escape the feelings once and for all. Nearing middle age, I fear I will never know a year as an adult unconsciously blissful of what has happened to me.

    It's incredible that with all the poverty, hunger, unfairness, and bloodshed one could experience in this crazy world, weathering something as "harmless" as hair loss can so crush the life out of someone. Intellectually, I really can see that it's no big deal. But emotionally it's a completely different story.

    Do I have advice? I guess the only thing I can advise is that if you're just starting to notice a hint of hair loss, start swimming in Rogaine, which by all accounts seems to allow you to at least stay where you are. If you don't want to treat it, move quickly to work through the psychology of it so that if you're going to find peace, you will waste as few years as possible submersed in the mental hell of it all.

    If you read this, thanks for taking the time, and good luck.

  7. #7
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    Default Thanks for the input guys!

    Everyone who replied,

    Thanks a lot for your input. I've had a little temporary relief posting here and seeing your replies.

    No, I haven't tried Propecia... not sure I'm up for anything more at this point.

    Listen, I really hope you all find your own peace with it, since obviously I can relate to all your stories too, and I feel YOUR pain as well.

    And like I said, for the guys just starting to lose it; get aggressive now to either get over it or start available treatments. Years of sorrow sucks.

    I'll be around here.

  8. #8
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    Hey Jack, I really feel for you when you say you've been treated like garbage at work due to hair loss. You should really put those assholes at work in place and tell them to **** off if they diss you in any way. Being an Army veteran, I'm sure you've got 2x as much balls as they do and I'm sure you could kick their ass too (although that may get you fired so I'm not sure I'd recommend it). Insensitive pieces of shit deserve to have their asses kicked, plain and simple.
    Anyway, I really think it's unfortunate that society marginalizes our condition. You'll never see anyone make fun of a woman for hair loss. What really pisses me off is when you have pieces of shit like Larry David and that George Costanza character on Seinfeld who make it acceptable to make fun of hair loss. Do these guys literally get off on making fun of themselves and portraying themselves as total losers? I just don't get it.
    But there are plenty of people who are role models who kick ass despite their hair loss. Musicians like Evan Seinfeld, Chris Daughtry, and Jason Bonham (and plenty of musicians who wear fake hair) and tons of bad-asses like MMA fighters Keith Jardine, Randy Couture, and Anderson Silva, and other guys like Jay Dobyns (www.jaydobyns.com), Kevin Youkilis, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. I prefer to look at those guys as role models rather than sniveling little shits like Larry David and that George Costanza guy.
    But for reasons you stated, I am unwilling to get a hair transplant (due to the permanent scarring) or a wig (afraid that it will tear out native, pre-existing hair). I wouldn't beat yourself up either about letting hair loss affect your life. I'm a 240 pound former college football player (small college, nothing big) and musician (bar bands) and hair loss has taken me to depths of depression that I've never dreamed of. Weight lifting and boxing provide some sense of relief and a way to release my anger, yet I'm still depressed beyond belief. I can only hope that life will get better.
    And as I always say, it is just unbelievable to me that in this day and age we don't have a cure for hair loss. I mean, we can perform sex changes, regrow limbs, and send space shuttles to other planets, yet we can't regrow hair. It's unbelievable and totally unacceptable.

  9. #9
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    What stage of norwood were you at at 18, 21, and 30?

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