transplant nightmare

[Jack21]

I am a 33 year old male who began to thin in my mid 20's. I really didn't notice at the time (I was in the military and kept my hair very short). When my mother saw me for the first time in 4 years she was shocked at how thin my hair had become and immediately pulled out a bottle of toppik which she uses for her very thin hair. I was not interested but she sprinkled some into my hair anyway. I was amazed. I liked it. I hadn't realized how thin my hair had become. I really, really liked the way my hair suddenly looked so thick. That was when the whole horror story began. For a while the toppik was a miracle. I sprinkled a tiny bit on, used a little hair spray and it looked great. My gf at the time who hadn't seen me for a few weeks said "wow. your hair got so much darker!" I told her of course, but she was still shocked at how well it worked. There would be a little greenish colored sweat coming from my head when I sweated profusely but other than that it was a real miracle. Needless to say my hair continued to get thinner and I was now using tons of the stuff along with this scalp paint. I was not happy with the situation. I saw commercials for hair transplants and jumped at the opportunity. WORST decision of my whole life!!! I must say that the doctor pretty much did everything to steer me in another direction. He was very moral about the whole thing. It was only after months of persistence on my part that he relented and performed the graft. It was ok at first. I kept using the toppik and now I had a little more of my own hair to work with, but I did have to keep my hair much longer b/c the scar was a million times worse than I thought it would be. Soon, however, the thinning got worse and worse and toppik and couvre were simply not an option. I was too thin on top to use concealors so I just decided to bite the bullet and shave my head (not with a razor - with a # 1 guard). I thought it looked ok - except for the really huge scar at the back. I didn't look good but I didn't think that I looked bad. I showed up at work the next day (almost exactly 1 year ago) and aside from some days in the army it was the worst day of my life. I had never been made to feel so bad about myself. People said the most unbelievably hurtful things imaginable. I was the butt of everyone's jokes, people stared, gaped, laughed, and asked "Why on earth did you do that?". Nonetheless I said "they'll get used to it" and kept on keeping on. It did not abate. Weeks went by and then months and the ridicule continued. I couldn't believe it but I was starting to become seriously depressed. I had always been a very proud man and very self-confident. Now I was becoming a recluse. I was miserable. I didn't want to face the world anymore. A female friend approached me and said "jack, you've got to get a hair piece. A shaved head is fine but with your scars you look very scary and unattractive" I basically said that I would sooner die, but after months of misery I finally relented and got a rug. I've been wearing a rug for close to a year now. I hate it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't want to tear it off and just shave my head. Sometimes it looks ok, but most of the time it looks like a ridiculous joke. The thing is it placates the people at work. They know I'm wearing a rug, but its easier to look at than my bald horribly scarred pate so nobody says anything positive or negative. The rug is such an unbelievable pain in the neck - every aspect of it. I hate it so much. I hate the fact that I have to wear it to conceal the scars from the worst decision of my life. All I want is to shave my head and be free of this but I saw what happened when I did that. People did not get used to it even after months and as far as women were concerned - forget it. That sugery ruined my life. I try to think of the rug as if it were an eye patch, something to conceal what's underneath not to fool anyone into thinking that I have hair. I will never blame the doctor b/c he basically did all he could to talk me out of the procedure. It is my fault completely. My vanity did this to me. All those sites that say "just shave your head. everyone will get used to it in a couple of days" Please! If you're young, losing your hair and thinking of a HT STOP!!! Talk to the doc. about every aspect of the procedure - how thick the donor area is, what to realistically expect, how HUGE the scar will be. Honestly, don't do it. You'll end up like me - can't shave my head, stuck in a frickin rug, social life gone. I curse myself everyday for my rash decision that has basically ruined my life. I am more miserable than I could ever convey in words. Going bald sux, but the "solutions" just make it all worse. As I said the doctor did virtually do everything he could to convince me not to do it. He made me wait months, talk to patients who had undergone the procedure, showed me that my donor area was not ideal, told me NOT to expect anything like full coverage. What can I say? I am an absolute idiot.

This is before with toppik





This is when I still had hair but shaved it



This is the only pic I could find of myself with my own hair and no concealers



And this is right now with the rug