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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019

    Default Dating and hairloss

    Hi all, 

    Iím hoping some of you can help me with advise. Maybe some of you have experienced a similar situation or maybe just wanna share their opinion. 

Iím balding for a few years now. First signs where about 10 years ago. Iím now at a NW2-3. I am receiding on the sides and diffuse thinning on top. There is still some coverage not to much tho. In strong light you can see skin especially from the top. Hairlines are noticeable but i donít really care about those even though everyone sees them. For some reason (think i saw an ad) I started using toppik about 4 months ago and was blown away by the results. Got confidence back and was super excited. I mainly use it on top and donít apply it to sides. I was planning on using it for a few months and then shave off my hair to see how it looks and if it was looking allright keep it, if not consider a hair transplant.

I already had a few consultations with hair transplant clinics. Even though non of my options are appealing I think the hair transplant sounds best if i would consider doing anything. I donít think iíll have the best looks when iím bald. My head shape isnít the best for it and i donít have a lot of facial hair. The only thing holding me back is that i rather not take finasteride. It comes down to the fact i did not yet decide what and if iím doing anything about this problem. Could go the way of embracing it and trying to keep whats left for as long as possible.

    Current interventions for controlling hair loss: 

    Starting PRP therapy this week 

    Starting topical finasteride next month with micro needeling.

    Supps (Saw Palmetto, biotine etc)


    When i was using toppik i met a girl and weíve been dating for the last few months. We have a great connection and i feel like it could really work out. If it wasnít for me losing my hair this would be the best time ever. I actually feel like iím in love and she might be the one and I think she feels the same way. You probably know where this is goingÖ Unfortunately we donít live near each other so we can only meet up once every few months. I never told her Iím wearing toppik so my problem is mostly that iím not sure how (and if) i should bring this up. Not doing so is feeling like iím tricking her. Thatís why I feel like i have to do something. The thing is.. iím not sure how to bring it up without being insecure or without losing her/being rejected. Because weíre still dating i think the way I say it can have a big impact on her decisions to keep dating or maybe quit it. Good to know also. She complemented me on my hair once so she probably likes it. She touched my hair once and i had the feeling she noticed the structure is different. So i think she already knows its not in the best shape. 

Iíve considered the following option to deal with dating and hairloss/toppik use:

    1. Not telling her and stop dating. The distance is already a thing, deep down i would rather make something happen but its gonna be hard anyway. I know this option is really extreme but I sometimes I feel like i donít want to deal with rejection. mostly because it might have an impact on future decisions i will have to make about embracing baldness or doing something about it. For example; If she dumps me it might feel like I MUST do something about my hair. I want to be able to make the decision on my own (if she chooses for me regardless Iím open to hear what she thinks is the best option, in fact i would love to know)
    2. Cut down on toppik. Use less so that it is clear iím thinning. Casually tell her that iím thinning and share i might go for a buzz cut this summer. Hope sheíll like the idea and pray the contrast of the Toppik haircut with a little hair vs the buzz cut without toppik isnít to big. Iím afraid it might but not really sure. In this scenario I wonít tell about toppik unless she asks. Which is probably happening cause she might be surprised why i want to go with a buzz cut and she might try to convince me it still looks great. Iíd tell her the same thing if i where her probably. Especially if she really likes my hair. Iím not sure how to react on this. I might say something like. ďYeah it is still ok, but I just want deal with it while its not to obviousĒ. Or ďyeah I donít really think so and iím tired of worrying about itĒ. 
Writing about it i notice iím not to excited to tell her about the toppik use. Thought on this are welcome??
    3. Tell her iím using toppik and that iím gonna shave it off. This would be hard for me to tell her cause i guess she would then ask how it looks without Toppik etc etc. I picture this being a really awkward situation. In my opinion the difference is pretty big. Not the most extreme examples you see in commercials but you will see some skin, while with the use of toppik you wonít. I think this option would be most vulnerable and i could also come off as being pretty insecure about it. Which I am! Then again this option would feel so awesome if she wouldnít mind and would be supportive. Not sure if that would happen though. Cause you go down in looks and you show how insecure you are. I know most women donít really dig that.
    4. Not tell her anything. Shave off my hair unannounced and just let her deal with it. Share a photo or a text so that she at least knows it next time we meet. Then hope for the best reaction and keeping my buzzed hair as healthy as possible and hope it looks allright. I think this could be a shocker to her. But it also just might be in my head. Also difficult to say cause i donít know how big the difference would be.
    5. Tell nothing and hope my hair gets thicker from treatments. Then stop toppik and buzz my hair whenever. Small chance tho that it will get thicker (even with PRP finasteride lotion etc.)

    Also good know is that i already met a few of her friends. She has both guys and girls as friends and iím pretty sure she shares almost everything with them. Iíve even considered what would happen if she shares one of the above conversations with them. Then they also might be surprised or maybe even say something like: ďyeah, something was up with his hairĒ or ďdoes he uses something cause i didnít see itĒ.

    I donít want to lie about anything but i donít feel like i have to share everything with her. If she asks me if iím using products in my hair i will answer it. But if sheís not asking iíll just share what i wanna share. My main goal is to let her realize i wonít have a full set of hair and she can take it or leave it. Iím not sure but I really do think she already saw that my hair is thinning in a way but probably thought it might take some time before it would get worse. Iím really not sure how women look at this and if they even bother. I might make a big thing about it and i actually hope that is true.

    For people reading this to find out more about toppik. Be careful using it after e certain phase NW 1-2. And if you use it consider this scenario. It really keeps me up at night. Toppik is an awesome concealer and it boosts your confidence. So in a way i might have owed it to toppik i met this girl. But it might be the reason iím gonna loose her as well. And its gonna hurt so much more then being rejected on the night we met.

    What do you all think i should do and why? I really needed to get this out of my head! This helped allready.

    Thanks so much for reading and for any replies! And i'll make sure to give an update on what i did.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2020


    I had a similar experience with my girlfriend recently. I chose not to say anything about it for the same reasons. It did become an issue eventually, but I stand by my original feelings. I think awkwardness is impossible to avoid so you just have to be confident in the decisions you have made for yourself. Unfortunately some women are immature and they need to learn the hard way that at least half the men they meet are going to be struggling with hair loss in one way or another.

    I think it is absurd that we feel we need to bring it up. I don't need my girlfriend to explain to me what makeup she wears or require her to show me what she looks like without any makeup on. If her makeup gets on something or smudges I don't demand an explanation or apology.

    However there was an instance where we were in bed and she put her hands in my hair and complained about the fibers getting on her hands, not understanding what it was. She assumed it was hair coloring because of the dark color. I explained it was fibers and that it doesn't stain or anything like that. She told me that there was nothing wrong with my hair and I didn't need it. LOL. Kind of the obnoxious thing where people decide for you how you should best groom yourself without actually knowing how you look when you don't. I shrugged it off and told her that they sell it in the drug stores and it's very popular, but expensive stuff. The next time we were in the drug store I pointed it out to her thinking that was the end of it. We never talked about it again and I never made a fuss or any comments about it.

    Sometimes she would want me to go swimming or do other things I couldn't do. In my opinion this is one of the worst aspects of hair loss is all the ways it makes you think twice about doing all the things you used to enjoy carefree. In these cases I just explained to her the fibers are expensive and I can only partially go in the water. She knew I was very insecure about my appearance, but we never discussed what specifically. I think she believed I was dying my hair and that it is wrong for men to dye their hair. Again these are issues that she has, not me. If she doesn't want to be with a good looking man with a good heart over something so insignificant then I'll go find another attractive woman who does. If hair fibers give me more confidence then I'm going to use them. If a hair system gives a guy confidence then he should wear it. I don't care about her opinions on something so insignificant. If she doesn't like men caring about their appearance then there are a ton of sloppy lazy ungroomed guys out there for her. Take your pick of the unshaved, toothless beer belly crowd. She tells me I'm the best looking guy she's ever dated.

    One day we were fighting and she made a dumb comment about me using hair fibers, still referring to it as hair dye in the most repugnant way possible. I was shocked, but it was another revealing moment about who she is. So I told her that was hurtful, she apologized profusely, but I'll never forget that she wanted to hurt me. I don't know if she is really sorry, but I see her as deeply insecure and flawed to attack someone's appearance, someone she claims to love. I would never do that to her or any woman that I cared for. I just imagine her cutting me down like that and belittling me in front of our children one day. That's the difference of a quality companion or not, do they cut you down to feel better or do you build each other up so your family can thrive. She wants to get married, have a baby, live together, but honestly things like this make me question whether she is a good choice for me. She hurt herself more than she hurt me when she showed me that side of her.

    I've never used a dating app before, but just out of curiosity I put a picture of myself on Tinder with my shirt off. I got dozens of likes in one day from 20-something girls. I know I have flaws just like everyone else, but if a girl won't respect you and speak to you in a dignified and uplifting way then she is showing you the biggest flaws a companion can have.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019


    I think you would all be surprised how little other people care about your hair.

    Generally speaking, nearly everyone has an insecurity/insecurities about the way they look but most people wouldn't even notice it unless it was pointed out explicitly and looked at closely, and even then they'd question the insecurity.

    It can be hard to come to terms with how your appearance is changing but if you project anxiety/loss of confidence, that will be much more visible than any hair issues.

    In relation to the Toppik - I'd think of it more as makeup. A girl never sits down to tell a guy that they are wear make up. Many girls/women won't leave the house without makeup in the same way you may not without Toppik. If she asks about your hair, tell her. It's a none issue. And besides - if she really likes you, she won't care.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Los Angeles


    If you don't pay attention to your flaws, your partner will not notice it. Be more confident and love yourself.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021


    In this type of tree trimming, the focus is to remove terminal branches to preserve the main limb. Crown reduction should be done with great care by someone who understands the tree growth pattern.

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021


    Easy to say, but don't stress about it. I shaved my head and moved on. Have a read of this book it's free

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