My Introduction & Internal Battle

[cstella]

Thanks for the welcoming, as well as your stories. No one has hijacked this thread, I'm interested in hearing all of your stories.

I realize my situation is not as intense as most on here. But its only a matter of time before I am "there". I finally sat down and discussed this with my girlfriend and I must say, it was an incredibly difficult thing for me to do so. As Ive stated before, Ive always been a head strong man and have built and shaped my life around me by sheer will power and determination...It was embarrassing to let something like hair loss bring me down. I'm fairly more embarrassed and ashamed of how it makes me feel and my reaction to it, than how it visually looks....if that makes sense to anyone.

Anyway, like I stated previously....it was hard bringing this up and confronting her, but it was consuming me....still is, to varying degrees. She told me that she loves me, is in love with me, hair or no hair. Hopefully this is enough to put my ailment to rest from here on out. Ive made a pact with myself, every time I feel down about it, I will get in touch with something I love doing, and lose myself in it for awhile. Looks like my art supplies will need restocked.

Master it, or be mastered:

Ive noticed how psychological this ailment can be, and It worries me that instead of shaping it to my perception, it can end up shaping me. It seems that "perception" is everything when it comes to MPB. Its up to you on how you master it.


Artista & Lostboy: Try not to let it hold you back. (as I am trying to take my own advice)

Side Note: Goorin.com has some stylish and tasteful hats...I'm not a huge fan of some of the graphics on some of them, but I can guarantee that you will find one that you'll like.

[Lostboy]

I think your on the right track, I wish I had pulled my head out of my ass sooner. I did exactly what your afraid of - I let it rule me. Looking back it really started in childhood for me. Kids would see my dad with me at events and just ridicule the daylights out of me over the clear prospect that I would be bald like him. I HATED it. It left a mark on me I can never really adequately explain.

So when my hair started to fall - as I always knew it would, I was utterly obsessed with making sure I covered it up before it happened. Like even though at that time those people were nothing to me - they were ruling my every move. I had 3 sons at that point and the idea they could wind up with the jeering I got made me utterly sick. Kids can be incredibly cruel.

I still see some of those "kids" - they attend the church affiliated with the school I attended.. When my father passed away a few years back many of them attended his funeral, a few of them raved on over my abnormally youthfull appearance (I didn't get totally screwed genetically lol I have hardly a line in my face at 49) it sort of cracked me up because they were straining to look me over, but when I tell you the systems I wear are flawless, trust me you could whip out your reading glasses and never see it.

Still.. it left me feeling like an imposter, so you see even if you win sometimes you really never win. I have been over at the HIS sight looking at the scalp tatts, and I am really thinking it may be the thing that could set me free. You see even notwithstanding the crap I have been through with replacement systems - I HATE the sight of me without them. I think something like that could be my ticket out, as replacement has not yet caught up with what it would take to make me happy.

Did I mention I am a tad riddled with OCD? Ugh.. if it isn't perfect I will obsess until it is - or spin off into oblivion. The idea that I could go through replacement and wind up with a thin layer of fuzz for all eternity would make my head explode. I just know I would drive some poor plastic surgeon to drink. I can see the limits -

But for you Cstela, more than anything man I wish you peace, and the strength in character to grab this by the neck and say "F%&k YOU! My life has no room for ridiculous obsession."

Because in the end no matter how you look at it - that is what it really is.