My Introduction & Internal Battle

[cstella]

-Into the Sun. We May Return As Nothing-

"Why, after all the incredible obstacles Ive conquered in my lifetime, does hair loss affect me so deeply? I often times feel more embarrassed about my temperament towards this condition, rather than the visual flaw."



The plight of hairloss struck me abruptly at the tender age of 19 years old (around 2001). I was doing a charcoal self portrait from a photo when I first, begrudgingly came to the realization. It was incredibly difficult to cope with, afterall, I was that hip, young, attractive and vibrant fine art major, that should have nothing else on my mind besides my education and chasing skirt.

I immediatley hit the internet equipped with an obsessed and frantic candor, educating myself on any breakthroughs or treatments that were available at the time. The main site and my object of solace was The Bald Truth in 2001. Sadly, the wind was taken out of my sails, although I was leaps & bounds better off than previous generations, an oral medication and a greasy topical fluid were the only first lines of defense. I spitefully cycled a thought through my conscience, "were practically growing f***ing organs in petri dishes and not one soul in the medical community can solve hairloss"? I was filled with a concoction of emotions and I was intermittently in denial. Afterall, the odds in my mind, were in my favor. My father (65) has a full, dego-licious head of hair. My grandfather (88) has a silver head of hair, all brothers and cousins (12) all have full heads of hair. There was only one trace of MPB in the entire family....my uncle...in my mind, the odds must have been astronomical, and the wheel of fortune of fetal gene placement came up "BANKRUPT" and willfully robbed me of a youthful trait.

10 years later, here I am, tuned back into these forums again with an array of emotions and a disdain for topical treatments, shed paranoia forum entries and long winded regimines. Its so very tiresome, like a bag of bricks you cant set down. I just met the utter, complete woman of my life. Shes a young doctor in a residency, sweet, sexy, intelligent, adventourous and sassy to say the very least. It downright scares me of losing her affection. Not so much or entirely because of my hairloss, but the mood I often find myself wallowing in over my ailment. I'm refraining from losing my confidence and swagger or making it apparent for that matter. I hide this weakness from her... because I'm her rock, I'm her support structure, I'm her Andy Duphrane that crawled through a sewer pipe to freedom, and that primarily attracts her to me. Sometimes I stop and pause, I think about all the vast, dark and substantial challenges Ive overcome in my lifetime...why is hairloss so damn difficult for me? I think to myself, "Jesus...just get over it, move on, enough already, its just hair" and then I'm fine, satiated for only a short while, like I'm dropping a few sandbags only to delay the inevitable flood water. Frankly, its a viscious cycle of highs and lows, peaks and valleys and I could find complete contentment in life, if it could just simply stop. I hate the fact of moving to an exciting city, starting my life with a woman I'm head-over-heels for and sadly have my hairloss weigh on me the majority of the day. I hide my treatments, my medications, keeping overhead lighting off to conceal the true nature of things. It wasn't and shouldn't be like this.

I just need direction...an angle on this, I need to be constructive, seek advice and overall, be objective about my hair loss and keep emotion of any nature at bay. Often cliche' and shortsighted, but essentially it IS only hair and it is NOT the end-all in life. It affects people differently and it is firmly grounded in my perception. I firmly feel that if this happened to me later in life, that it wouldn't have impacted me as much. Trying to cope with thinning hair at 19 years old can be a roller coaster of emotion.

One day I will pour myself a hefty glass of scotch, take a deep breath and choose my path. In my mind It's going to come down to two things, scorning a future NW5 with a straight razor, or sitting in a surgeons chair as he scores my head up with a marker, then scalpel. I suppose we will see what nature of courage I'll muster.The courage to move on, or the courage to correct.



cstella




PS: I have a question that I wish Spencer could answer directly. Unless anyone on here has any pertinent info on the subject. If I was to have a procedure, there are several doctors in the U.S. that I would consider, but there is one that has really stuck out to me. His name is Dr. Keser from Turkey and Ive viewed a substantial amount of his work on youtube, message forums, all over the internet as well as his personal site. Does anyone have any idea of credibility or input of any nature on this particular doctor?

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi9wiSRd_2s

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR3nQoj9o_M

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTHTfWVfGY4