Suffering from depression for a couple years, suicidal thoughts...I am lost.

[Finlay Slater]

We must love ourselves and be able to cope with the worst adversities in our lives. Do not give up, this is only your life, and only you can change something. Perhaps https://studyhippo.com/essay-examples/adversity/ will help you because there are a large number of essays on adversity collected there. Surround yourself with only positive people and learn to think positively. You will definitely be healthy, but please do not forget about the importance of your mental health.