The wrong way to live

[muscleandfitness33]

I didn't think this would hit me the way it did and life has turned out a lot different than I expected. When I was 18 I looked at myself in the mirror after a workout one day and thought about what my life would be like. I assumed at 25-26 with 7 years down the road that I would be married, have kids and a career. It didn't turn out so much like I had hoped.

I began to see hair loss at 21-22 and it started to take my life over. It runs in my family and I was just not sure what to do. I had gone to some transplant doctor and he said I was too young for transplants and sent me on my way so I felt rejected at that point. As my loss continued and just dwindled down so quickly in a short amount of time, I kept trying to turn to everything I could to cover up my loss. I was so embarrassed that being so young people would look at me funny.

I tried going to another doctor out of state so I drove to Oklahoma City and basically got a transplant of 1000 grafts done that did not work at all. I went thru a painful process of not seeing it work after spending 3000 dollars that I didn't have trying to save myself the humility. It's great having that long scar in the back of your head that no one can see from where they pulled the donor hair, but I know it's there as a reminder of how I messed up.

After that didn't work I went to a hair replacement center even though I had a small decent amount of hair on top so they shaved it down and put the hairpiece on me that initially looked great, but then there were complications. I could not take it after a month of wearing the system so I had them shave down the back and sides of my hair, threw my hat on and walked out the door. That was another 1000 dollars I lost out of my pocket as a young kid with no money in college.

The only thing really saving me at this point was knowing I was working towards my degree and I was a yell leader at my University not wanting to let my team down by quitting and hiding myself. I made up this crazy story about some kid running behind my stylist and bumping into her causing her to shave my hair line back too far and she just had to shape it. What a flippin lie that was and I am sure everyone looked at me like yeah right. Plus my hair looked terrible like an awful military cut gone wrong. How do you mess that up, well I pulled it off somehow.

After realizing I still needed more help and coverage to my hair I found a company that makes products to cover up thinning hair. I found this product called Toppik which you sprinkle in your own hair and it makes it look a lot thicker than it really is. I used that stuff all the time and for quite a while, maybe a few years actually. It was tough being this guy who worked out and you have to be careful to not sweat too much with it on. It really only came out when you wash it out, but still I had to be watchful of it. What a pain to go thru all this and still I hated seeing myself in the mirror every day.

Well after a while I decided I could not do the Toppik anymore because my hair was just not thick enough to make it look right and it looked so strange. Yet another failed attempt at trying to look good because I was so obsessed with liking what I saw in the mirror.

I end up finding a local place that made me feel better about doing the hair system so I went with it hoping to improve my look. I was about 25-26 at this point so I did that for a while and I was ok with my look for the time being but still bothered every day that people would look at me different for being so young with a hair piece. I felt ashamed all the time and had no choice but to keep going and aim for my degree. I was still on the cheer squat also and that was tough performing in front of thousands wondering what people would think of me. I guess you could say I had a real problem mentally also with my appearrance.

I finally finished school and decided I was going to move to Arizona to be closer to my brother and sister at 27. I was contacted by this place in LA that I had consulted with about a year earlier that was very known for their hair systems. I applied for a drawing to win two free hair systems and I so wanted to be a client of theirs. It happened and I drove to LA after moving to AZ to have the systems applied. It looked so amazing like I could not believe it was even me in the mirror. I was crazy excited about it until things became difficult for me as far as applying the systems myself in home. I did that for a while and end up moving home because my life was not going as planned in Arizona.

I kept using the same system for a while and it was working so I thought until again I was not really happy with the process. I finally did a new online search and found someone in my area who uses an even better product apparently. I was told it's what they use in hollywood being totally undetectable. I went with it and yes it has been a really good thing for me in my life. I can still workout hard as I want but it causes a few minor things I have to worry about, but not as bad as in the past. I am currently still wearing the system and now I have a new problem at age 33.

My own hair on the sides and back is starting to fall out as if it was not bad enough that I had to lose everything on top. It kind of jumped up and bit me out of the blue like I didn't notice it was happening. So now all of a sudden I am worried about my hair system and it looking natural with losing my hair on the back and sides. As a result I am now applying rogaine to the sides and mostly the back of my hair to not lose more hair. On top of that I ordered a low level light therapy comb using that for an hour on my hair 3-4 times a week.

Ya know what's really great is that on top of paying for all the things I do with maintenance on my hair to just look normal to myself, I can't even live normal. When you wear a hair system, swimming is not really an option and you can't be out in the sun for too long because it fades the color also. So, you can't have one color up top and one color on bottom, there is a dead giveaway. I tend to miss out a lot on life because of these things and I want to shave my head really bad but I have things keeping me from doing that as well.

I have two calcium deposits on my scalp that need to be removed that are very noticeable. Since wearing the most recent system I have these ridges that run thru my scalp that make me look like I'm a cling-on from star trek. I have no clue in hell where they came from and why I have them. It sucks. Don't forget I have the scar on the back of my head which is noticeable too. I shaved my head a long time ago back in college and it was so freeing and I felt alive, but once I really took a strong look at myself in the mirror I hated it.

I train really hard at the gym so the one thing I have is my muscular appearrance making me feel good. I would like to shave my head but I need plastic surgery or something to correct everything. I don't even know if you can do plastic surgery on a scalp. As far as that goes, I feel if I tried to have any work done it would only further the problems I have with myself. I think with my built look I would be ok with it, but I can't get past how I look in the mirror. I just wanna swim and be able to tan outside and enjoy life with everyone else but I can't and it's really sad.

I don't know what else to do with myself and I am attempting to go speak with someone new who runs a hair solution center to see what she can do for me. I am considering starting to use a product called Revivogen hoping it might help my hair look like it should. Even after all of this, I do have a girlfriend is who very supportive and just wants me to enjoy life. I am stuck and don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice or something you can share with me, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much. I hope being a new member here will help me before I feel like I don't have a future at all.