Going bald, and going back...

[hindsight2020]

I recently joined this forum, and after reading ridiculous posts by people like 'fixed by 35', I thought it was time to share my story... my whole story.

Age 18 - In highschool, one of the more popular kids, in the 'jock' crowd. Cut my hair short during basketball season, didn't know it at the time but my temples were definitley thinning. After a summer league game, I got into an argument with a player from the other team... he backed down, but as he drove away yelled out the window "nice receding hairline!". Brushed it off, no big deal its always been thin there, right?

Age 20 - Been in college for a few years now, 15,000 student, I am well known on campus, always out at parties, always meeting girls. My hair has continued to thin, I am aware of it now. My roommate will look at me from time to time and say "wow your hair is thinning!" then look at his in the mirror to make sure his isn't. I started taking propecia, who knows if it was working.

I was on the powerlifting team, taking a lot of suppliments (not steroids, but andro to naturally increase my testosterone). Thought maybe the andro was doing it, so I stopped and thought my hairloss did too. I always wore hats to class, thank god I looked good in them. By my junior year I was known as 'blue hat guy' but I didn't care, I had one of the hottest girls on campus as a girlfriend (who didnt mind my thinning hair). If I ever got worried about what my hairloss looked like, I decided it couldn't be that bad right... people still liked me!?

Age 22 - Now its really going... I cant stand it. I decide if you cant beat it, join it. I shave my head during the summer months before school with a straight razor... it definitley looks different! Luckily I would think to myself, I met my girlfriend while I still had hair, and she loved me. I was known as a 'tough guy' at college so no one really would ever say anything about having a shaved head to me... but guys who werent balding shaved thier heads too... it made us look 'tough' as long as I didnt carry myself like I was ashamed of it, even though I was. I would shave as much as I could to reduce the stubble so you couldn't tell where it started and stopped. To make it look like being bald was by choice. Looking at old pics now... I looked handsome, even without hair. I was still confident (at least thats the vibe I put off) but was always wondering if there was anything I could ever do.

Age 24 - Now I am in the coorporate world, got a great job out of college (as a bald guy) ... still was envious of people my age with hair, which seemed to be about everyone I knew. This sucked... I had a lot of money saved up for a big move I was making... more than I needed. On my way home from work one night saw an ad for a HT doctor. Cant hurt to schedule a cosultation right? Within a month I was all set up for my HT (2750 grafts, scar from ear to ear smiling at anyone who walked behind me).

It grew in fast, really fast! I was so excited that hair was on top of my head again! Everyone knew, all my clients, coworkers... they thought it looked great. One client asked if he thinks the same procedure could help him. Had a new intern come to work for my company, I worked directly with him. He was balding... eventually asked me for advice on getting a HT. I cant remember what I told him, but I am sure it was more towards getting one than not. The thing is, these people had no idea how much I worried about looking like a fraud. Everymorning waking up and spending a lot of time on my new hair, making sure it sat right, stayed in place, ect ect...

Age 25 - Now I moved, changed careers, moving up the ladder. Making twice as much as I made before I moved... when I was bald. But I continued to thin around the transplant, still losing hair to shock loss around the donor site, its still noticeable that my hair isnt as thick as someone who has a natural head of hair. My new GF constantly wanted me to take drugs... but thats just denying the inevitable in my mind. Ditched the girl. Played sport all the time, worked out all the time, made lots of money at my new job... this is where things started to change.

Not only was I constantly worrying about what my hair looked like, in wind, in sunlight, in water, when i wake up... the list goes on and on... I was working with a high end exec. who had a horrible wig. My boss at the time was a very very strong willed person, and I remember him saying "That guy needs to embrace his hairloss and get over it..." (about the exec.) Cleary i was doing a good job covering up the fact that my hair on the top of my head was from the back... or was he trying to tell me something too? Still thinning.... and thinning. Was this something I wanted to keep putting money into?

Age 25-30 - Met my wife, switched careers again, cut my hair really short, even the transplants. I dont know how noticable it is to others, but its clear to me that hair doesnt belong there. Its killing me now. Did I do the right thing and set myself on this path to constant HT's to maintain hair on my head, or was it a big mistake. I stop working out... I stop playing sports, I stop being social. My wife notices. Meanwhiel...

I was recruited by a company to do new start ups (so people dont mind that I am pretty much bald!?!), and unfortunatley in the economy that medical device company went belly up. quickly landed a job in the most uncomfortable industry possible. Pharmacueticals... you wouldn't believe the number over ex-college cheerleaders these companies hire! I always joke about 'why hire me?!'... because of my hairloss. I found the courage to tell me wife during this time... shes ok with it and completely understands... also found the courage to tell her I am through with it.

In the past 2 years I have become increasingly more comfortable with my natural hairloss. I'm not mad anymore. I am not buying into the hype from the media that balding is a bad thing (ever watch late night tv??). Balding is natural, way more natural than moving hair around on your head. Would you rather have someone walk past and think 'another bald dude' or walk past and think 'whats up with his hair?' ...

I am now in the process of getting scar reduction and laser hair removal. Life was good when I was bald, and I never had to worry about what my hair looked like (which now consumes my life... or did). My hair no longer defines who I am in this life. I have realized that 99% of other people don't care that I am bald... I have a beautiful wife, an amazing job in an industry that is stereotyped for hiring goodlooking people, and good friends. Will you be able to tell when its all said and done that I once had a HT, of course (even though the idea is to back to as much of normalcy as possible) ... but I don't care. I made mistakes and now I can tell people about them instead of HIDING them. I can help others make choices. I can go back to living my life ...

Balding can be a debilitating thing, especially when your the first of your peers to experience it. Depending on how strong of a person you are, you think its the end of the world... I did.

I grew up a lot since then. I read posts on forums from young guys in their early 20s or late teens and think of myself and how I was thinking those same things. Luckily for me, even though my hairloss consumed me (with and without the HT)... I never let it hold me back and never lost confidence in who I was as a person. It saddens me to read posts from other people; 'if I go bald I'll kill myself' ... 'bald people are discriminated against... i have statistics to prove it!'. Wake up people. No one cares that your bald except you. It took me a while to learn that... but I am so happy I did.

For anyone going through this, or having any questions about HT's or balding in general, I will always be available to talk to.