I have no where to go. No life. No hope.

[Rigardo]

I am 26. I've slowly been balding since 16 or 17. I shave my head completely now.

I attempted suicide over my hairloss around the age of 23. I went on Fin and Minox, had some pretty good results, really just coverage, but still my hairline was destroyed, but I could get up then.

Now at age 26, I'm unemployed. I was never able to find my footing in life, despite earning two college degrees and working in an industry previous. I have sought psychiatric help in the past, and I have been admitted in the past, so this isn't a cry for help.

I think about my hairloss nearly every moment of every day. This obsession in itself has destroyed me.

I had to move into my parents basement, my romantic options are obviously destroyed (especially in the age of online dating). It's even worse because when I had hair, I had a date everyday of the week. Now I'm laughed at... I was able to have a fling, but the work I had to put in to achieve that was astronomically soul killing.

I'm scared. I'm hopeless. I'm not on fin anymore, nor minox, because I wanted a permanent solution.

I shave my head - I've been complimented on it, I stay in shape.

It doesn't matter.

I don't feel like myself. It's like I was disfigured. People made jokes about it.

I tried to "embrace" it, but it's been 3 years of trying that, and I now have trouble leaving the house to go to the grocery store. It's gotten very bad.

I don't know what to do anymore.

The worst part of all is that I remember what it was like to be alive. I remember. That's the cruelest punishment. It's like being imprisoned, it's like having something as robust and wonderful of life, taken away from you, and you can only view it from the outside.

I've become bitter. I hate women now. I hate other men, I hate life.

I can understand why someone would have no sympathy for me, but it doesn't change what I've become.

Writing this is so cathartic for me in a way, but it really changes nothing. The fact that hair transplantation surgery is so expensive is EVIL. Particularly in cases like mine, maybe if you can function it's ok. I have no means to raise the funds, because I have no career, and I have no career as my soul is dead. I see no way to get out of this cycle.

I lost my faith in God during this time. A lot of other traumatizing things have happened to me as well, and it's very bad, but this was the icing on the cake.

I've probably seen around 10 therapists in my life - none of them can help, because only I can help myself. But I don't have the strength.

Last night, I got down on my knees, and I cried alone on the basement floor. I cried for the first time in years. I don't know where my "life" is headed. But to all those who have struggled, I feel your pain. I don't know if I'd rather be dead, but functionally speaking, I feel as though I am already dead. I remember what it was like to live, like I said, that is the worst.

[Gon]

attempted suicide before trying your luck cooking meth ? idiot

[Rigardo]

Funny you should mention drugs. I did go through several years of somewhat serious abuse in an attempt to cope.

[Gon]

Funny you should mention drugs. I did go through several years of somewhat serious abuse in an attempt to cope.

not talking about using, i'm talking about selling it and saving for future treatments.

[Rigardo]

Yeah, you're being a cheeky bitch, I got it the first time, you dumbass.

[Stephen392]

I'm not sure if this is a cry out for help or a cry out for attention. Maybe both. Rigardo do you not have any family to talk to?

[Rigardo]

It is not a cry for attention. I don't have any desire to talk to my family about this anymore. I did as a teenager and they were not supportive of my decision to shave my head. I feel a twinge of regret typing this, but my treatment by society has left me unable to love them, myself or anyone properly enough to open up again.

[Stephen392]

What about friends? I'm not sure where you're from but i'm in the UK and we have organizations that help people like yourself who feel they don't have anyone to talk to. Maybe do a google search and find someone you can talk to independently about your feelings? This may help you move forward

[Rigardo]

As I've said, I've seen around 10 therapists now. I don't want to talk to anyone. There is no moving forward. A shell doesn't have friends.

[Stephen392]

If you don't want to talk to anyone then why post on here? What are you hoping to achieve?