Don't Have Children

[Fixed by 35]

Only two things will solve the problem. The first is 'acceptance.' This involves going through years of denial and lying to myself and my friends to pretend that baldness is no big thing. The lies include:

1) Telling myself I'm not wasting my time when I'm shaving my head every single day for the rest of my life, because I'll look really 'good.' This version of acceptance works when you've got so used to the ugly bald face staring back at you that you think you look 'okay.'

2) Pretending to be confident around others. Acceptance comes when I've so cleverly deceived myself that I am actually confident around others, even when they're making their low brow jokes that are about as funny as getting cancer. This deception is fragile though, and can shatter at any moment, so personally I would consider it a bit dangerous.

3) Deceiving myself into believing the reason every prematurely bald man I've ever known spent most of their lives as an underachiever had nothing to do with their baldness. The fact that bald men on average earn 20% less has nothing to do with their baldness. Of course it doesn't!

Alternatively, instead of being an idiot, I could devote my time to finding a cure. That is a solution that really will change my life and the lives of millions of others. In the mean time, with no cure available, the best remedy is prevention. But by all means go and have a slap head child if you want, they'll eventually hate you for putting them on the earth just to live the life of a loser, but it'll be fun whilst they're at home. A bit like having a pet for a few years I suppose.

And if you don't think they'll eventually hate you, believe me they will. You think baldness is bad now? It'll be worse in the future. Image is becoming everything in an era which has no time to get to know people. I haven't spoken to my parents for about five months since my mother cracked a bald joke and believe me the likelihood is your children will do that too.