Want to shoot myself in the head

[Borntoosoon]

I don't post much. I try to live my life and not think about all this. I've had roughly 1800 units, FUE (Norwood 3a) that only cost me about $15000 USD, three days of surgery (all day long each long day) and 9 months to grow in.

That was four years ago.

I'm fit, sharp, youthful, etc. but whenever I talk to women I ALWAYS catch them take a quick glance at my scalp, as if to say, 'Man, you're really interesting... Holy CRAP! HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!?!? ARE YOU ABOUT TO RETIRE? WTF? You're an old man. Nice try, but move on.'

I'm confident as well. I have no difficulty striking up a conversation with anyone, especially attractive women.

But I'll look in the mirror and my deeper, honest self knows that the transplant makes me look like I'm balding because 50% or less of the follicles appear to have taken.


I was talking to a younger girl in the breakroom. The subject of age came up. When I asked how old she thought I looked she guess that I was actually five years older than what I am.


I played it off, but I'll be honest... later in the day I was so hurt and angry at... just life.

If I looked good with a shaved head I would do so but unfortunately it doesn't look good on me at all. The only way I can look 'normal' would be at least 10,000 units with the gamble on how many will take and a cost I can't afford at this point.

I just feel helpless against this thing we all fight.

To any other male who says 'oh, it's no big deal.' I say how about we cut off your testicles and see if you feel the same way.

To any woman who says, 'it's no big deal', why don't we cut off a breast and see if you feel the same way.


It's bad enough that we live in this world where your acceptance requires you to be diligent about your health in ways people weren't fifty years ago, but it's just absolutely rotten that genetic disposition puts so many of us at an incredible disadvantage in life.

This will brighten your day.

I had a friend as dumb as a doorknob: perfect hair, perfect skin (naturally tan too), symmetrical face, fit body (without lifting a single weight) and terribly boring. Think he EVER had to lift a finger to find companionship?


I'm feeling in the dumps. I'll get over it (that's what we do), but man... right now I'm really hating life.

[JohnMPB]

Do u have pics of your ur hairline? I'd imagine 1800 fue performed by a decent surgeon would easily bring u back to a nw 2 as long as there was a decent survival rate of grafts?

[michaelgranger65]

Well, this is my first post on the forum even though I've been lurking on and off for a few years. I like to check in and see what's going on in the world of hair-loss from time to time. So, losing your hair sucks but as you get older you start to have more companions in that regard. I always want to tell the younger guys that irrespective of your hair situation, things get much much better in regards to your relationships with women. I don't know how old you are but I can say that age favors men in a way that it doesn't favor women. Also, women are often attracted to men many years their senior. This could be for a number of reasons, but you have to keep in mind that men are visual creatures by nature. Trust me. Women do not judge you as harshly as you judge them or yourself based on appearance. They truly are different then us and as I got older it's something I took notice of. I have so many guy friends that are totally bald and get with women all the time. Some are married, some are single but all of them do just fine.

[GeezBeez]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this much pain. Sending you some love.

[Artista]

Hello Borntoosoon ...please respond to everyone here on your thread!

There are CARING members here that truly do WANT to try to help others, especially the very young!

JohnMPB, Michaelgranger65 and GeezBeez are here to help you!!
I am here now to try to help you as well!

How old are you now Borntoosoon? Also, it would really help if you were to post current photos of your hair/scalp. Of course, you do NOT have to show your face on here.
Born' you are so very emotional right now and I am concerned for you!
I am sure that I am so much older than you and because I am, I do have proper foresight.
I would never talk about or tell you anything that would be considered nonsense.
I want to help you just as the other members on here are wanting to HELP you.

[Mpbman]

You're putting too much into this, mate!

Of course girls check our heads (hair) - we check their breasts, legs, butts and hair too. That's perfectly natural. And if you don't want to be hurt when people tell you you look a few years older - just don't ask them.

Sometimes it's hard to figure out someones age - maybe you just look more mature for your age and don't have a baby face like some do.

You'll be fine - don't worry so much!

[Artista]

Very good response here to Born' Mpbman!

Mpbman is also showing you good commonsense in order to help you Born' !!

Consider this and please respond to all of us!!

[Borntoosoon]

Sorry for the delayed reply. I just started a new job and life has been insanely busy/stressful. I'm certain part of that falls into my post this week. I really, deeply appreciate everyone's support. Normally, my lack of hair doesn't bother me so much (I'm in my mid-40's BTW), but when an attractive girl pities me because of my hair... it just kind of hurts. I know it's foolish but I don't want to be judged solely on my hair and appearance, but so much of life is just that. For some of us, we have to try so hard just to get a foot in the door.

Living with the look of accelerated hair loss can feel emasculating. I imagine women who go through breast cancer and a mastectomy can certainly relate on some level. The trouble with hair loss is it's immediately noticeable- there's no hiding. Your vulnerabilities are right there in the open. I'm a confident person, but some days it takes a lot when I'm conscious of it all.

I'll post pics of my hairline. If I looked good with a shaved head I'd definitely go with SMP but unfortunately, I don't. If I get the money, I will very likely undergo another surgery and just keep my fingers crossed on the outcome.

[Artista]

Hello and I am so glad to hear back from you Borntoosoon!!

Im also glad to read that you are in your mid-40s now!!
With that being said, you have better foresight available to you.
That is because at your age, your brain's neo-cortex has been fully grown since your very early 30s. (im older than you so I know)
That being said, if there is a woman that would pity you because of your hair, then SHE POSSIBLY has a mental or emotional issue ..not you!
I know that you said~ "it just kind of hurts" but you must reconsider your own emotions.
If a woman would define you and our criticize you due to your hairloss then that woman is not WORTH dealing with at all due to her own ignorance.
Ignorance is not meant to be a criticism, it is a lack of knowledge or consideration.
Now, looking at your photos, (and thank you), your scalp looks somewhat like what my scalp looked like before.
Keep in mind that in 2013, I started on Finasteride along with Biotin.
Then last year in November, I was Dr. Wesley's Pilofocus 3rd phase test patient.
His phase testing is all about possible Hair Regeneration!!
He also started me on Minoxidil (November 2015)
Ive been using Finasteride, Biotin and Minoxidil and the improvements are very positive but ongoing!!
Also, Dr. Wesley's way of thanking me for being a phase test patient, he also did 500+ FUE grafts too!
Please update me on exactly what you are doing now to improve your hairline..OK??
Im glad that you are 'here' bro!!

[Borntoosoon]

Thanks, Artista.

I had this long post but hit 'reply to thread' rather than 'post quick reply', so I'll keep it shorter.

After my HT I tried 10% Minoxidil all over scalp regularly, twice a day for a year and a half with absolutely no noticeable difference. I'm reluctant to try Propecia from concerns of side-effects and testosterone loss. I come here from time to time to check up on HT technology and treatment progress but haven't seen any since my HT in 2012, despite all the high hopes we all share when something comes up.

While I wait it out I tried shaving my head a couple of times but really don't have the face/head for it, so SMP is out of the question. I've tried Caboki/NanoGen on and off and it helps a little but I always feel self-conscious about it, even though I lock it down with hair spray. My skin is sensitive, so it can only take a couple of days in a row of that before breaking out very badly (and painfully).

So I'm just waiting to make enough, then save enough to do more FUE's.

That sounds like an AMAZING deal from Dr. Wesley. Wish I could have been in on that, though I'm anxious about future surgery because it took so long for my scalp to appear even half-normal after my HT- like seven months. By 'half-normal', I don't mean 'full of hair', I mean it was very read, full of scabs and just terrible looking in general- like I'd had a serious injury of sorts.


Anyway, I appreciate every bit of support here (thanks John, Michael, Geez, MPB and Artista). BTW Artista, I've always appreciated your Lennon painting. I'm guessing that's your own work. Very good stuff.

On a side note, I went to Dr. Wesley's site after seeing your post. I can't say I had trouble with scarring so much as a couple of spots from the donor site swell up painfully from time to time which never did before the surgery. I'm guessing they were caused by the surgery and may never likely be corrected. Wondering if anyone else ran into that issue.

The other thing I was curious about was whether anyone tried Dr. Oscar Klein's solutions and had any luck with them. There's another thread dedicated to it but no one ever posts pics.

[Artista]

Great to see your response again Borntoosoon!!
I'm quite busy right now and I certainly will respond better later on,
(we're going on vacation)
But I'd like to thank you for your 'Lennon' painting complement!
Yes that is my painting!
I'm a professional artist (of course I still have to have my regular job too)
When John Lennon was murdered in 1980
I made a very good portrait painting of him one week after he died!
I was so very heartbroken!
The portrait painting that you see here I created of John Lennon one year after his passing, on July-1981.
Maybe sometime later I'll post the 1980 portrait John Lennon too!
Thank you bro!!

[michaelgranger65]

I've been thinking about your original post a bit and I have to say that it's pretty fcked up that she said that to you. Imagine if you went up to a girl and said "Oh, you are so fat and have all those wrinkles around your eyes. It must be hard to meet a man carrying around all that extra weight and looking so old." If you said that to her she would probably have a mental breakdown. It's easy to tear someone down. I'm also glad to hear that you are in the same age range as some of us. I'm in my late 30's and most of the guys I know have some degree of hair loss. All I know is that women who judge men by those very unrealistic standards end with a few cats and a lot of regrets. Anyway, I want to also let you know that I take Dutasteride on a daily basis and have been on that for several years now. Prior to that I was taking Propecia. Neither of these medications has affected my libido in the slightest and I've basically stopped losing hair. I can even gain hair depending on my Dutasteride dosing. The cost of this medication keeps me in the .5 to 1.5mg range as a daily regiment.
Also, I've been losing hair since I was 15, so the process for me has been a lifelong adventure. But it's totally ok! The only time it's ever affected me is when I let it affect me. So I definitely don't want anyone here to feel like the dread of hairloss stays with you forever. Especially for guys! I find it weird if you don't lose any hair!

[GNX]

how much donor hair do u have left and wat about beard and chest hair how much u got? post some pix of the back of ur head

[pkipling]

Hey man. Good to see you're getting positive support and hopefully a new perspective. I'm sure every single one of us have been where you are at some point, whether it be about our hair or any other number of things that can make us insecure in this world - so you're definitely not alone. (And for what it's worth, I bet even you're "physically perfect" friend has these moments too where he feels crappy and insecure.)

May I play devil's advocate and be blunt for a moment? (And if this is totally off base, just ignore this - but I promise my intentions are good). I noticed in your original post two things that stood out to me when explaining your insecurities. One was that you have no problem talking to "attractive" women... And the other stemmed from a conversation you had with a "younger" girl. The only reason I bring this up is because I wonder if there's a part of you that is getting in your own way when it comes to finding love and happiness. This is extremely common, and something we're all capable of doing if we're not aware of it. Because here's the thing - the way you describe yourself otherwise (fit, sharp, youthful) tells me that you would be a good catch for someone. I know tons of guys who are overweight and bald and rude and THEY have significant others... Or guys that aren't that smart that have significant others.... My point is that there's someone/many people out there for every single one of us. This is a big world with lots of fish in the sea. And I may be wrong, but I wonder if a part of you is too focused on the young and pretty girls that you end up being judgmental to the girls who are "older and less attractive", just like you say the young and pretty ones are to you. I wonder if there's just a little bit of truth in that (and it's totally natural if there is - wouldn't make you a bad guy, just a normal one). This is in no way to say that you're a judgmental asshole, but it is something we all have to be aware of. What if there's a great girl out there for you that you're completely writing off because she's not attractive enough? Wouldn't you then be doing the same thing to them that you're accusing these younger, attractive girls of doing?

Who knows - you may be going after these "older, less attractive" girls and getting rejected as well - in which case, disregard everything I said. But based on the information you gave, it may be something worth looking into. And you may be the only one standing in the way of you and your next big love affair.

I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My views/opinions are my own and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.

[sanook]

Thanks for posting, Borntoosoon.

Like yourself, I can't shave my head - the huge bump I have on my head along with my pointy ears just doesn't work. Maybe I could go into acting - I'd make a great bald Captain Spock!

I understand the social complications you have to deal with, especially attracting women. It sucks, but for me there's a lot more to life than finding a female. I try to appreciate my single life and the freedom I have. Hobbies are a great way of keeping me busy. Personally I love photography and it encourages me to get out and travel more. Travelling to exotic places is a real eye opener and I often find it brings me down to earth a bit. I also try to eat well and keep active - which is good for keeping your spirits up and it certainly won't do your hair any harm either.

Stay safe and take care.