Really struggling at the moment

[Breaking Bald]

I’m really struggling at the moment; every time I look in the mirror I barely recognise my face. I started losing my hair at 20, I turn 26 in a few weeks and I look like I’m in my early 30’s!! I’ve also had relentless acne for over a year now and it won’t subside even though I’m on antibiotics. It’s just making me have no confidence in my appearance. I was meant to have a trial shift tomorrow for some part time work in a Café but my appearance is making me so self-conscious that I even cancelled it. I don’t feel like woman my age will find me attractive anymore. I feel like I can’t relate to people my age and that somehow I don’t belong there because of how I look, I feel like an outsider. I’ve also lost my identity as a musician big time, I used to love my thick hair, it was something that people knew me for and it was something that I could kind of hide behind.

Before you ask, I’m not on treatment, I won’t take propecia and I still don’t regret that decision. This is it for me, I’m too far gone, I can’t grow my hair out, I can’t style it in anyway, there is no texture or density and my hair looks like **** when grown out. I’m a diffuser and I’m ****ed, not enough donor hair for a transplant, too late for drugs, don’t want a hair piece and not sure about SMP. I’m at the point now where I have to shave it and accept it but HOW THE **** DO I DO THAT?? I still want to cling on to anything that frames my face. I’m still hoping some treatment is going to come out soon. I’m so sick of the constant highs and lows of it, sometimes able to accept it, other times hating everything about the way you look. Just the idea of now being constantly bald for the rest of my life ****ing SUCKS! I never would have thought this was going to happen to me.

I was just traveling for four months and I shaved my head towards the end of the trip bald. For a while it felt great, I even pulled a really beautiful girl out there, who was however older, I noticed immediately that it was older chicks who digged it. It was different out there though, no one knew me, it was a hot climate, I was more distracted by my travels etc. Now that I’m back I‘m really struggling again! I’m just finding it really hard to come to terms with. I can’t bare it and I feel stuck! I don’t really know where I’m going with this post but I just wanted to express some of how I’m feeling right now. I’m just trying to brave up to the fact that I have to shave my head NOW and just move on but it’s so difficult and I’m sure many of you put there can relate. I wish I could just magic my hair back, it seems there is no help coming our way.