23 y/o with receding hairline and temples, feeling depressed, work is suffering

[Fortunate Son]

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to get this off my chest somewhere because I feel so embarassed to talk to anyone else about this except my parents, who aren't being very helpful.

I recently had long hair for about two years, and decided to go back to short again last summer (july 2015). Every since I got it cut I felt a little weird about the thickness on top. Somehow it felt there was less 'resistance' when I ran my hands through my hair (I tend to touch my hair a lot). Also I was noticing like 10-15 hairs on my hands every time I shampooed my hair, and then again when I styled it, and at any time during the day when I would run my hands through my hair. I just suddenly noticed loads of hair in the sink. I assumed it might have been because of a stressful period because of a conflict with my landlord which ended up being dealt with in court, so a friend recommended I take some Biotin supplements and try not to stress over it.

I was hoping it would become better but since then I just got more and more strange itches around my crown area and the general top of my scalp, feeling little bumps sometimes, and even weird tingly painful sensations at times. Then around september I decided to cut my hair really short before going on vacation for 3 weeks, and as soon as my hair was wet and I was looking in the bathroom mirror I was just completely taken by surprise at how much more visible my scalp was than ever before. I mean, I never knew the signs of MPB before but I was always really conscious about my hair, so I could tell something was off. My mother just shrugged it off as a bad haircut, or a seasonal shed, and said I still have plenty of hair so nothing to worry about.

I just couldn't shake it off though and started to compare with photos and selfies of 2+ years back and I can't help but notice that my hair looks thinner and my hairline has definitely receded. In the places where I can tell by comparison that recession has taken place, upon closer inspection (and only in the right light) I can see these very miniscule white hairs where my hairline used to be. I feel like my scalp is slightly more visible on my crown, and it feels thinner and itches a lot there, but it's hard to be sure because I never had to worry about it so I was never scrutinizing my crown, nor do I happen to have many old pictures of my crown lying around.

One thing that scared me most is that apparently MPB is usually related to a gene on the X-chromosome and therefore inherited from your mother's father. I have an older brother that is balding pretty badly, he is 36 and has a very receded hairline and since a few years a noticable bald spot on his crown. The thing is I never though this would apply to me because we have different fathers, his being pretty much NW7 at 60 with very thin, straight blonde hair and mine is NW1-2 with dark, curly hair (mine is a bit less curlier than my dad's and a bit less dark) at 60.

So I figured I would be safe, but then I started reading about the X-chromosome and yep, my grandfather was bald. I have no idea how his quickly baldness progressed, he was already bald when I was born (he must have been in his 70s by then) and I can't find any good pictures of him between the ages of 25 and 70. At 25 it didn't seem too bad but everyone wore tight combovers those days so it's impossible to tell. I just can't seem to find any other pictures of him between those ages, and my mum says she doesn't have any but I feel like maybe she is trying to hide something from me. I do have two older male cousins with the same grandfather, sons of my aunt, who are also in their thirties/fourties, and neither of them seem to really have MPB as far as I can tell. One of them has really sleek thing dark hair, and a mature hairline (I think? I don't see them very often) and the other beautiful thick curly blonde hair with a great hairline.

I've always had a slightly mature hairline ever since the age of about 16-19, but now I can definitely tell it has been receding further these last two years and I'm just worried sick about it. I don't really know how to put it into words, but on most days I just feel ashamed and completely cheerless. I always wore my hair forwards, sometimes slightly to the side, to mask the mature hairline, which was fine, but now the indents have becomer more noticable and my fringe is getting thinner.

Part of my distress is because I have been working as a fashion model for the past 3,5 years and that has been my main source of income. Now I didn't expect to be able to do this forever, but I have had certain contractual agreements these past few months working in Tokyo and places in Europe that I had to fulfill (and am still doing) that have made me unable to go home and see a doctor about my hair loss. The worst part is going to photoshoots and having hairstylists working on my hair, pulling it back and being confronted with my receded hairline (my larger forehead which makes my face looks so much less friendly), or when they use a straightening iron on it and it just looks so thin and flat. At these times I feel so hideous, like a total loser, and I have to pretend to be enjoying my job, which I don't, which then makes me feel guilty about being unhappy.

I feel like words fall short when I try to explain how much like a loser I feel, especially surrounded by other guys with better hair than me, but I guess some of you know the feeling. Sometimes it's just a whirlwind of negative emotions coming one after another.

My look is just really centered about being tall, thin and very young looking and my hairline just makes me feel like a failure. Don't get me wrong, I see so many older men around me that look amazing and attractive with MPB, but it just doesn't work on someone who has the face of a 16 year old.

Some days I feel very hopeful when I read positive stories about propecia, and even more so when I read about stuff like Replicel and Histogen which, in the most positive scenario, could possibly stop MPB in its tracks before it really gets too bad for me. But other days I hear horror stories and then I think, if it's all dependent on Replicel/Histogen coming through within the next 3-5 years and being affordable, then there's no certainty that I will be able to still feel good about how I look.

I have always had stuff trouble me, but I just feel like I have this terrible thing looming over me that I might never be able to resolve. The worst part is being confronted with it so harshly every day at work, it just makes me want to cry and lose my mind constantly. I feel obsessed somehow with scrutinizing the hair of every man I meet. All the guys with amazing hair just make me feel a really painful kind of longing to have that hair, all the guys with bad looking MPB make me fearful, and then sometimes I see handsome looking men with MPB and I don't know how to feel about that, I mean I'm happy for them but I feel like if that could be me it would have to be at least 20 years in the future to have that good mature male look (if I'll ever be that lucky anyway), so I would just have to accept having bad hair or looking really bad bald for so long?

Sorry about the long post but I was hoping that this would be the right place to share these kinds of things. I have been lurking for a while and just had to get this off my chest now because sometimes I feel like I'm about the snap under the pressure of doing all photoshoots and catwalk shows while being so insecure about my receding hairline. Sometimes I wonder how I'm being booked for jobs at all, especially when they want to slick back my hair and reveal my huge forehead. I just notice less and less jobs coming in as well. Thankfully I only have one week of work left to do, and I'm definitely not going back to modeling for a while.

Right now I'm just planning to visit my GP asap when I get back home and maybe get a referral for a dermatologist to look at my hair and talk about a plan of action. Or do you guys think I should go about this some other way? I have heard many stories about bad experiences with dermatologists lacking specialist knowledge about MPB or refusing to prescribe propecia. I know I'm too young and unable to predict the progress of my MPB to be considered for a hair transplant, but I was just looking around at IAHRS recommended doctors in my area (Netherlands, so far Dr. Feriduni in Brussels seemed to stand out to me as having done some of the best-looking transplants) and thought maybe I could try to get a meeting with one of them to have them assess my current state of hairloss and devise a long-term plan on how to treat it. Is that something hair transplant doctors do? Would they be able to get me a prescription if they think I need it? Would it be important to find a picture of my maternal grandfather somewhere between the ages of 25 and 70? If it seems like my hair is already receding past my father's hair, wouldn't it be reasonable to believe I would be taking after my grandfather's hairline?

Again, sorry for the long post. Some days I feel like it's OK, my hair isn't completely ruined yet, there are guys that have it worse than me, but other times (like now) I'm in a state of complete despondency, like I'm under insane pressure, and like I have nowhere else to turn to because nobody really understands. I talked to my parents and they were like, 'don't worry you still have hair now it doesn't look bad', and other friends who say 'just let it go you it's not worth taking medicine for', and then start complaining about how they find a gray hair sometimes (srsly?). I just really feel like they don't understand the gravity of seeing your hair disappear and I shouldn't take their advice.

I know BTT, like every forum, is a mixed bag and there are plenty of differences being had and mean things being said here, and bullshit sprouted, but I would just really appreciate some kind messages and some advice on the latter part of my story (like how to get my MPB diagnosed by the right person and getting the right treatment). Out of all the websites and forums out there dedicated to MPB this definitely seems like it has the highest concentration of sane and honest people. We all know the Internet can be a bad place but especially concerning MPB I just feel like so much of the material out there is coming from people/companies out there trying to take advantage of my (and all of ours, I guess) insecurities.

Cheers guys and thanks for reading up to here. Hope you're feeling better than I am right now - though just being able to type this already makes me feel a little better. There are just no words to describe how much I wish I could flick a button that would restore my hair the way it was when I was 16. It feels like my life would be so much more enjoyable if I could. That thought makes me so sad.

[Not giving up]

I feel your pain brother.

You're obviously a good looking lad if you're modelling etc and in a twisted way it can hit people like you the hardest. When your entire life has been based around being good looking I get how it feels to suddenly feel hopeless and unattractive.

I was a topless butler and model, stopped last year to focus on a more long term career. I never had hairloss until the start of last year and every feeling you've gone through I have felt. I think pretty much everyone here can relate.

I could type a million paragraphs trying to make you feel better, but truth is you have to hit this head on. Being scared, feeling fearful about the future, that's not the answer.

The answer, as weird as this may sound, is to not think - Be stupid.

What I mean by this is you're overthinking everything. You're looking for that perfect risk free answer. But you won't find one. I didn't when I was feeling depressed about all this.

Get a game plan. For example, with me - I started a micro dose of propecia a few weeks ago, I'm taking 0.25mg every two days. I'm hoping this will buy me time for a couple of years or so until something else comes out.

Now, I could get sexual sides, I could grow bitch tits, hell I could speed up hairloss and all horror stories could be true, and I thought like this for a long and it stopped me from doing anything. But here is the truth, doing nothing will have the greatest of consequences.

Bottom line bud, this is happening, it's one of the most traumatic events of your young life, but it's happening. Figure out a game plan, don't overthink it, commit to it and be at peace with your decision. If it doesn't work out, at least you tried. And that is the only way to feel better, it's about taking control again. Yes it's a risk, but it's your risk, it was your choice to take the risk, no more living in fear and envy. These are your cards, play the hand.

Good luck brother.