The Balding Survival Guide.

[Not giving up]

Fred, no one was was ever saying 'just shave your head and be bald.' That's not the reason people come here. Some people can't afford a HT. Some people won't respond to meds. Your response of 'work hard and save for a HT.' Some people will be so crippled by hairloss that they lose all confidence and will struggle to progress in life and earn enough money for a hair transplant. Hell some people might just not have the smarts to earn enough, or just have so many responsibilities that spending that sort of money on themselves just isn't an option. It's not a case of just fixing a problem for some. Great that it was for you, but some people will need other outlets. Not everyone can win this battle, and in truth, to some, having a shaved head like you is as bad for their confidence as balding anyway if they normally have long hair.

The problem with you Fred, is you pass your opinions and experiences off as facts. You're talking about things that have happened to you as if every person on the planet will have the same problems you did. Can I see your point of view? Of course. You make good points. Do I think you're 100% right? No. You're too stuck in your own beliefs.

You have no need to be here convincing young people life will be awful bald. Will it be difficult? Yes. Is it impossible? Hell no. My best friend is NW5 at 24, has been since 23 and he's dating a hot blonde who he lives with (who he met when bald) he's even slightly overweight, but he's not doing badly, it's really not all doom and gloom. He hits the gym, he makes people laugh, he's saving for a house not a hair transplant. Has he been hurt by hairloss? Yes, but he moved on, pushed through. Could I do that? I don't know, balding is a crippling thought for me, I might be more like you and struggle with it too much and get a hair transplant, but my point is, not everyone can or has to do that to be happy. If it isn't an option, there are other ways to deal with it.

Case and point, paraolympians, some of those guys lose limbs in accidents, say they lost their legs in a car crash, so do they sit around, bitching about life, or do they go down other avenues, train hard and accomplish more in life than we certainly ever will?
There were other ways of dealing with the negative comments you received, getting a hair transplant to be 'normal' was one of them, but not the only one, young people here need a better role model than someone who thinks their way is the only way.

Frankly, you kind of gave in to peer pressure pretty easily and just played into their hands a bit. Would I be any different? As I said, I don't know, maybe not, but then I'm not the one trying to shoot everyone down because they don't agree with me.

Fred's message for the kids: if you don't fit in, sucks to be you. Don't come back until you do.'

Awesome.

[polios]

Of course nothing will compensate for hair loss aesthetically or emotionally. Balding is the death of male beauty and the soul, it makes life FAR worse

However the OP might be on to something here. When you lose too much hair and do not have good options for restoring (way fewer guys are good HT candidates than people realize, and usually meds buy you time but do not stop hairloss 100%), the only way forward is maybe reinventing yourself. Buzzing/shaving the head and tanning/workouts/tattoos/stubble etc. so that you can have some kind of sex life instead of becoming a hermit or suicide case or awkward balding hasbeen who can not let go of the past

It will be shit compared to just having hair. Your life will never be what it could have if you had better hair genes, especially your sex/love life. But if you want to eek out some kind of life after you cannot hide this disease anymore, you will probably have to embrace a new appearance/identity. Part of that too is pretending not to give a shit even though you do, or taking the right drugs to stop you from caring

easier said than done.....

Wow, thanks a lot for that. It is really how I feel sometimes about hair loss in my worst moments... but there are still things to look positive at.

[fred970]

Fred's message for the kids: if you don't fit in, sucks to be you. Don't come back until you do.'

Awesome.

This is actually sound advice. What do you want to do? Gather the 7 billions of people out there to tell them: "Listen, I don't want to make an effort to fit in, so you'll have to accept me as I am!"

Your posts contains the usual mistakes baldness deniers make: first, there have been studies that have shown that being disfigured (and yes, baldness is disfigurement!) is worse than losing a limb.

In short, crippled people could get to the same level of happiness they had before their accident, disfigured people couldn't, because their identity and self-esteem were forever... crippled.

Some hair is always better than no hair, I didn't do this to have a full head of hair that I can style (that's impossible), I did this to get out of the "bald loser" category.

Now people think "Hey this guy has hair, but he just chooses to shave it by choice, what a badass!" Some girls actually called me a bad boy.

What a joke, so when you're forced to shave because you're bald, you're pathetic, but when you do it by choice while having hair, "OMG, so bold, so daring, so alpha!"

Most people outside the world of hair loss are stupid and ignorant as f-ck, so you don't want to be in a position in which they can just put you down.

Buying a house! Perfect, and you think he's so smart, right?! When his hot blond girl divorces him, takes the house, the kids, and leaves his bald ass on the street, we'll see how he will be doing.

A 28 year old bald man with no home, no money, no prospects on the dating market. This is just madness. If you have been depressed because of hair loss, you should invest in getting some hair back.

But you know, priorities in life. People who think hair and looks don't matter that much will be in for a rude awakening at a point. This is the main reason we're here, this is the main reason you're here.

I know you're trying to convince yourself it won't be that bad when you're bald. And I've already said it, it isn't that bad: just regular mockeries, and you can have a girlfriend who will put you down for being bald.

But other than that, you can function, but is that a way to live? If people don't want to work hard and solve their hair loss problem, they have no right to complain.

This "forget about it and work out" advice typical of hypocrites like you on hair loss forums. If you go to a weight loss forum, do you think they will tell the obese guy:

"It's OK man, don't work on yourself, women don't care that much, you can have a hot girlfriend while being a fat f-ck! Just be positive and confident!"

Of course you don't see that! They will tell him to just lose the f-ing weight. Why can't it be the same for hair loss? Just get a job in McDonalds for a few months and save for a high-end FUE in Turkey!

Again, it's all about facing your problems or running away from them.

[25 going on 65]

This is actually sound advice. What do you want to do? Gather the 7 billions of people out there to tell them: "Listen, I don't want to make an effort to fit in, so you'll have to accept me as I am!"

Your posts contains the usual mistakes baldness deniers make: first, there have been studies that have shown that being disfigured (and yes, baldness is disfigurement!) is worse than losing a limb.

In short, crippled people could get to the same level of happiness they had before their accident, disfigured people couldn't, because their identity and self-esteem were forever... crippled.

Some hair is always better than no hair, I didn't do this to have a full head of hair that I can style (that's impossible), I did this to get out of the "bald loser" category.

Now people think "Hey this guy has hair, but he just chooses to shave it by choice, what a badass!" Some girls actually called me a bad boy.

What a joke, so when you're forced to shave because you're bald, you're pathetic, but when you do it by choice while having hair, "OMG, so bold, so daring, so alpha!"

Most people outside the world of hair loss are stupid and ignorant as f-ck, so you don't want to be in a position in which they can just put you down.

Buying a house! Perfect, and you think he's so smart, right?! When his hot blond girl divorces him, takes the house, the kids, and leaves his bald ass on the street, we'll see how he will be doing.

A 28 year old bald man with no home, no money, no prospects on the dating market. This is just madness. If you have been depressed because of hair loss, you should invest in getting some hair back.

But you know, priorities in life. People who think hair and looks don't matter that much will be in for a rude awakening at a point. This is the main reason we're here, this is the main reason you're here.

I know you're trying to convince yourself it won't be that bad when you're bald. And I've already said it, it isn't that bad: just regular mockeries, and you can have a girlfriend who will put you down for being bald.

But other than that, you can function, but is that a way to live? If people don't want to work hard and solve their hair loss problem, they have no right to complain.

This "forget about it and work out" advice typical of hypocrites like you on hair loss forums. If you go to a weight loss forum, do you think they will tell the obese guy:

"It's OK man, don't work on yourself, women don't care that much, you can have a hot girlfriend while being a fat f-ck! Just be positive and confident!"

Of course you don't see that! They will tell him to just lose the f-ing weight. Why can't it be the same for hair loss? Just get a job in McDonalds for a few months and save for a high-end FUE in Turkey!

Again, it's all about facing your problems or running away from them.

Problem is, there is no way to solve this problem unless you catch extremely early & respond great to meds (meaning meds actually stop your hair loss 100%)

Once past a certain extent of hair loss you are f*cked no matter what, it is just a question of how to get by for the rest of life (or until the next big treatment). For some guys the best way forward might be a transplant to partially cover the damage. But just because you were a candidate does not mean everyone is a candidate. Plenty of guys are just bad candidates, many factors are involved. Amount/quality of donor, difference between skin & hair color, pattern/extent of loss, etc

This is why I said for some, just forming a new identity is probably better than transplanting. Yeah it sucks, but that is the nature of this disease. Everything just sucks compared to being follicularly healthy, whether your approach is meds, transplant, hairpiece, shaving, hair tattoos, etc etc. It all sucks & the best way to deal with it is not the same for every person

[fred970]

Problem is, there is no way to solve this problem unless you catch extremely early & respond great to meds (meaning meds actually stop your hair loss 100%)

Once past a certain extent of hair loss you are f*cked no matter what, it is just a question of how to get by for the rest of life (or until the next big treatment). For some guys the best way forward might be a transplant to partially cover the damage. But just because you were a candidate does not mean everyone is a candidate. Plenty of guys are just bad candidates, many factors are involved. Amount/quality of donor, difference between skin & hair color, pattern/extent of loss, etc

This is why I said for some, just forming a new identity is probably better than transplanting. Yeah it sucks, but that is the nature of this disease. Everything just sucks compared to being follicularly healthy, whether your approach is meds, transplant, hairpiece, shaving, hair tattoos, etc etc. It all sucks & the best way to deal with it is not the same for every person

I had the worst hair loss at a young age ever (NW5 going on 6 at 23) but I was still a candidate.

People who say they can't do anything are just making excuses, or greedy. You won't get your NW1 teenage hair line and coverage back.

I'm glad I have some hair on my head (only 2000 grafts though). At least people think I just shave my head. It's not ideal for most people, but it's better than looking like a bald loser.

As I've said many times, Having a hair line, a frame for your face, and some coverage takes away 90% of the suffering caused by hair loss.

Now I only feel sad when I see myself under bright lights or when I look at my crown in a mirror (that doesn't happen often).

It all sucks? Maybe it would be better if we were still in the 80's then? At time when no solution at all was available except hair pieces (which is not viable).

I guess some hair loss sufferers will always be ungrateful no matter what advances we make.

[JoeTillman]

This is obviously an emotional topic and I can understand why. I've been there and I know better than most what it means to be damaged mentally but also physically because of this curse.

Fred, I don't think people are saying that these actions that are being suggested will erase the pain of hair loss. I think they are suggested as a distraction. Distractions are good because if you are distracted you just don't feel as bad. I know what you mean when you say to someone that is not a NW6 that they don't know what it is like to be bald, I really do, but in my experience hair loss for a NW3 is just as bad as hair loss for a NW7. It is relative and they are losing their shit just as much as you and I were as NW6s.

The key to dealing with hair loss, if you can't afford the surgical option, is to find something that makes you feel better about yourself and some of those options presented will do just that. Who doesn't like to bulk up and look more muscular? I know I did. I'm in better shape now than I was when I was half my age (Fred's age I think). If I were still bald I'd be even more motivated and I'd be huge. In fact, my best friend from high school, which some of you may remember from my history as being the one responsible for the great idea of having hair transplant surgery when we were 22, eventually lost his battle with hairloss. He got fixed up by Dr. Wong with a really nice one pass result but his hair loss progressed after he had the bright idea of stopping his medications. Long story short, he got serious about lifting and eventually got to the point that he looks like a bad mutherf*cker and he shaves his head completely, down to skin. He's got some nice ink on his chest, left shoulder and upper bicep, and he gets more action with the ladies than anyone I know. It's kind of ridiculous the amount of attention he gets and these aren't ladies our age, either. These are ladies in their mid-twenties.

Does this mean that everyone that shaves their head due to hairloss and bulks up in the gym wil be a hit with the ladies? Of course not but if one more element is added then I guarantee this combination WILL work. Add personality to the mix. If you have a nice personality, or even better a funny and outgoing personality, then you win; period. My buddy is also funny and outgoing so that is why it works so well for him. However, you don't have to bulk up and you don't have to shave your head. I know from my own personal experience before my repair work was done. I dealt with my hairloss and my f*cked up hair transplants by becoming more outgoing. You have to when you are waiting tables and bartending in higher end restaurants, which is what I did for years. You can't wear a hat and you can't reel from the comments by turning into a hermit and living under a hat. You have to think quick on your feet and come up with one liners on the spot to disarm people and this is the exact type of mentality that disarms the ladies, too. Even in my WORST condition I still got my share of action. Why? Because I was funny. I was outgoing and that is just one guaranteed way to look confident and confidence is what gets you across the finish line.

If you are angry about your hairloss or so deeply wounded that you are hyper-sensitive to even the slightest glance then you lose. If a chick glances at you with a weird look on her face many men with hairloss automatically assume it's because of their hairloss when in fact it may be because they are so down on themselves they forgot to trim their three inch nose hairs that morning. I mean, guys that feel like shit about themselves usually look like shit too. Take care of yourself, dress well, if you don't shave at least have a clean and tight hair cut, take some pride in your appearancea and in many cases that is a great start. When you take pride in your appearance, the parts you can control, you feel better which means you walk better which means you look more confident. You smile more, blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

The younger guys will snear at this, but I've been there and I speak from a LOT of lifetime experience. I am happy to say that even when I looked my absolute worst with regards to my hair, bald AND with a pluggy artificial hairline, I was STILL making women laugh which meant a whole lot more

[25 going on 65]

I had the worst hair loss at a young age ever (NW5 going on 6 at 23) but I was still a candidate.

People who say they can't do anything are just making excuses, or greedy. You won't get your NW1 teenage hair line and coverage back.

I'm glad I have some hair on my head (only 2000 grafts though). At least people think I just shave my head. It's not ideal for most people, but it's better than looking like a bald loser.

As I've said many times, Having a hair line, a frame for your face, and some coverage takes away 90% of the suffering caused by hair loss.

Now I only feel sad when I see myself under bright lights or when I look at my crown in a mirror (that doesn't happen often).

It all sucks? Maybe it would be better if we were still in the 80's then? At time when no solution at all was available except hair pieces (which is not viable).

I guess some hair loss sufferers will always be ungrateful no matter what advances we make.

No hair loss sufferer will be ungrateful when the problem can actually be SOLVED (not just covered or compensated for)

Wanting millions of $ is greedy. Wanting plastic surgery to transform you into a movie star is greedy. Wanting fame is greedy. Wanting to look like a non-disfigured version of yourself is not

Your being a candidate for HT does not make others good candidates. You also had advantages, I have seen your transplant pics. Your hair and skin color are closer to each other than what many people have (having dark hair & white skin can create a HUGE cosmetic challenge), you do not have AGA in your donor (at least not in a way that made you a non-candidate....some people literally do not have the donor hair to have transplants), you can get away with a buzzed head/higher forehead much easier than many people. Some guys MUST have a low hairline & solid temple points for proper facial framing & some can not buzz/shave due to skull shape or other problems

Also some people do not respond to meds or can not take them. Which makes a transplant in most cases unacceptable unless you are content with very minimal work (nobody is except maybe old people)

Yes in many cases, having transplant work is better than not. Not always. The world is full of people w/ this disease who do NOT currently have an aesthetically acceptable solution

[fred970]

Yeah, I tend to forget about these advantages. I agree with you. But I just don't understand how some people can just be like "Nope, nothing to be done, let's just whine endlessly."

How about SMP? Anything? Well, maybe if I was a slick NW7 with a thin donor, black hair and fair skin, I would be singing a different tune. These cases are extremely rare though.

[polios]

Thanks JoeTillman for your post. A lot of true points in there. Was a fun read.

[Herbaliser]

I was never really bothered of my hair loss, and i think people overreact regarding hair loss when somebody just glances at you, since you are just a focus object for the moment.
A small eye contact means not to look at the sealing or floor, just a point to focus on, and itīs normality to seek contact on human beings to not look abnormal themselves.

But then again the media is the most influential one, that takes advantage of our low self confidence by using perfectionism in commercials and tv for profit reasons.