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  1. #1
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    Default This place is depressing (long rant)

    I'll hop onto these forums now and again to see what's new in the world of baldness "cures", since yes, it does bother me to be a guy going bald. I have this lame comb forward thing going on that is getting worse all the time, it takes me forever to comb my hair in the morning and hairspray it into place, I avoid windy days like the plague - just a plethora of annoyances that I would love to not have to deal with. I'm a pretty insecure person to begin with, so something like hair loss hits me pretty hard. I fully realize this...but stumbling upon this particular subgroup is a whole other depth of hell. I really wonder where someone's head is at to consider killing themselves because they're losing their hair. I have the same question for those who reply with nothing more than agreement with the sentiment. People who try offer words of encouragement are apparently deluded and ridiculed for not understanding, or being at earlier stages of baldness. No, they can't possibly just be people with a stronger constitution - you know, the kind of person you would actually want to hear advice from.

    I mean, who we you before you started losing your hair? Were you a happy-go-lucky, well-adjusted individual? I can't possibly see that being the case. Doesn't that tell you that your particular response to something superficial is more about YOU than the actual hair loss? Doesn't that tell you that the "cure" is not something that will just fix your hair? You will get old, and other crappy things will happen to your body. If you're one of the lucky ones, baldness will be the worse ailment you have to deal with until you go peacefully. Is there no perspective?

    ...and where did you get the impression that no one would ever find you attractive again? There are millions of women out there, and you're basing your experience on a snarky remark from some shrew who probably would have picked apart something else about you given the chance. Or better yet, the internet?...or celebrities? You weren't Brad Pitt when you had hair either, I'm sure.

    Then again, is this just an excuse for a generally inability with women? Do you/have you tried anything else to possibly improve your appearance and luck in that department? Of course you'd likely look better with nice hair, all things equal. You would also look better with muscle on your body, a new wardrobe, a nice tan perhaps if you're into that sort of thing and a successful career to boost your confidence. These are things in YOUR control.

    I really, REALLY hate to sound so harsh, since I know that this is rough, despite what I'm saying...but I'm just in disbelief at what I'm reading here. The forum is called "coping with hair loss" but coping implies a degree of success. There is more wallowing here than anything else, and its the kind that feeds upon itself by the lack of support from others. The title of this forum reads like a support group, but there is no support. It's unfortunate, really.

    As a disclaimer though, I fully realize that being in your late teens and early 20's and having to deal with balding while hardly any one of your peers is dealing with the same must be devastating. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that, as if figuring out your life at that age isn't hard enough. I'm referring to the crowd of those a bit older. I'm sure this board doesn't consist of all college-aged men, so I think it's a damn shame to see suicide posts (over hair!) not get shot down by the masses immediately. It's just a horrible example.

    It's a feel good moment when someone here musters the courage to break the shackles and get rid of their remaining hair. All this talk about head shape, facial features, framing, etc and they almost always look much better. A kudos to you, sir, for owning it. I admire your courage as I myself am not brave enough at this point.

    Listen, I know it sucks and I don't mean to preach...but it really doesn't have to be life-endingly crappy, nor is it as bad as so many other things in this world a person can deal with. A person posting a cry for help needs just that. Hair won't fix them. Something else will come along. Open your eyes. Have some perspective. Be honest with yourself about why you are dealing with this in the way that you are, rather than just adding to a cesspool of misery. That isn't helping anyone.

  2. #2
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    Excellent post, sir.

    This place is a breeding ground for depression and negativity.

  3. #3
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    When I was in my late teens I knew a guy who had a horribly disfigured face from birth. Yet he still somehow had a cute girlfriend.. don't ask me how..

    But I'd bet he would have changed places with any bald guy in a second.

  4. #4
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    I definitely see a vortex of negativity in these forums sometimes, from folks who just feel utterly hopeless. But I am not them, and cannot judge their reactions to ostensibly similar situations to me, since I haven't lived their lives. It's depressing to see some of these people obviously be their own worst enemies, and refuse to see any positivity about their existence. Yes balding sucks, but when you genuinely argue that you'd rather have cancer than baldness, get your priorities in check (pretty sure I saw that somewhere on here).

    I personally hate how much of my mental energy gets absorbed into this shit, I want to not give a shit but sometimes I just can't help it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Notcoolanymore's Avatar
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    This can be a pretty negative place at times. Although I started losing hair myself at a young age(22), I never really got depressed to the point of not having fun and living life. With that being said, I have had my moments of anger and depression about this shit. I don't let it control my life, but I will admit, hair loss does effect more of my life then I would like.

    For the most part I would like to believe that most of us are functional human beings and not walking around hating life. We just come here to get stuff off of our chests since we probably don't have the opportunity to do it in real life. Most people will not understand if we start complaining about how much our hair loss sucks.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by awesome1 View Post
    I definitely see a vortex of negativity in these forums sometimes, from folks who just feel utterly hopeless. But I am not them, and cannot judge their reactions to ostensibly similar situations to me, since I haven't lived their lives. It's depressing to see some of these people obviously be their own worst enemies, and refuse to see any positivity about their existence. Yes balding sucks, but when you genuinely argue that you'd rather have cancer than baldness, get your priorities in check (pretty sure I saw that somewhere on here).

    I personally hate how much of my mental energy gets absorbed into this shit, I want to not give a shit but sometimes I just can't help it.
    I've also seen this post that a bald man would rather have cancer than baldness. It is a nonsense that makes other people more depressed.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by RanDave View Post
    I've also seen this post that a bald man would rather have cancer than baldness. It is a nonsense that makes other people more depressed.
    Only a legally insane person would say something like that.

    I would however possibly entertain the proposition of removing a digit in exchange for a guaranteed full head of flowing hair for the rest of my life.

  8. #8
    Senior Member pkipling's Avatar
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    Spot on, sir. I understand completely how devastating hair loss can be, and I also understand that my hair loss before my hair transplant wasn't as bad as others (but also worse than others). It is sad to see that the mindset that many of us have when it comes to our physical appearances.... And your post has reminded me to continue to stay compassionate to those who may not be as hopeful and optimistic about their situation as I hope they one day can be.

    I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My opinions/comments are my own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.

  9. #9
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    Bravo. I think its been said before, but not with as much words in a well constructed manner.

    Ultimately hair loss affects everyone differently, and for some it hits hard right away, then slowly fades. That's happening to me right now, closing in on 3.5 years since I realized it was happening. I honestly thought it would go fast...but it hasn't, and in retrospect I should have realized it. In old pictures you can see it starting in 2008 when my hair had gotten wet and then dry and was standing up, but it wasn't until 2011 that *I* realized it...and that was AFTER a girl showed interest in me (which I f'd up for other reasons - but it wouldn't have worked anyway).

    Point being, most of the negative responses are either from people who are just now finding out about their loss or have long term depression otherwise, it really is that simple.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Notcoolanymore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pkipling View Post
    to the point where I sometimes wonder if some of the alarmingly negative posts are from someone trolling and making a mockery of those of us interested in discussing hair loss.[/I]
    see FlightTL

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