I'd honestly rather be dead than deal with hair loss

[NOhairNOlife]

My story
When I was younger, I never thought I'd lose my hair, I'm not sure why I thought this I just assumed because I had such thick coarse hair that I would never lose it, how naive I was.
So I believe I started losing my hair in my early 30s. And at the time I figured that a cure would come or I wouldn't lose too much, plus I was dating somebody so I kind of put off any treatments. Fast forward to 4 years later, at 34, I was single and started to obsess more about my hair. I briefly (I don't remember how long to be honest but at least 3 months) tried Minoxidil Foam 5% at age of 35 but I didn't notice it made a difference. At the age of 38 I decided to get more serious and wanted to take finesteride, but like most people I had heard of the side effects and I was hesitant. But I figured I'd try it, I've been on it for 1 year and 4 months with no adverse side effects. I have NOT noticed it has regrown any new hair, but I believe it has reduced the amount of hair I lose in the shower or on a daily basis.
I've tried to determine what I am on the Norwood scale and I don't seem to resemble anything in that scale. I'm not receding in the front, but I am losing in the crown. if you see my hair from a front view you'd think I have a full head of hair. My crown is like a Norwood 4, but the rest is a Norwood 1. It's hard to explain, but when I have time I'll take a pic and post it.

Bitterness and Anger
In every ****in' way, this disease has made me a bitter and angry man. When I was younger I always wondered why older people were like this, now I understand why. I never thought I'd get old, but guess what it happens. Even to the guys that are vain, like me. Please don't say this is Karma, karma does not exist. It's just shit hair genetics. I really never thought I would lose my hair, not in a million years.

How has this changed my life
When I was younger I use to love the beach, swimming, pools, wave pools, water slides, jet skiis, everything water related. But ever since I noticed this crap in my early 30s, I have become scared of the water especially when I'm around people I know. It has literately scared me from performing those activities.
It has made scared when people are standing behind me and I'm sitting down from fear of them noticing. And of course it has become noticeable.

One thing I noticed I do now that I never did, I always, always always count the number of guys that have hair or don't have hair in any situation or setting. I always try to work out the percentage of balding men in a group. For example, If I'm in a meeting at work i'll count the total number of men and I'll count the balding guys to determine what is the percentage. It's become an obsession, a very weird and lame one.

Hair Style
My hair-do has been the same for the last 10 years, it sort of a faux-hawk, comb-over thing on the vertex. **** I can't believe I'm doing a comb-over, just wow. Like I said most people don't even notice the hair loss, but I know it's there.

Bettering myself
And, you don't have to tell me to go to the gym and better myself. I already go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, I'm 6 foot 1 and 230lbs muscle, I'm probably around 10% body fat. So there's isn't much more I can do in that aspect.

Current plans
1. I'm on Fin, and I've been on it for 1 year and 4 months.
2. I've also started Minoxidil 5% liquid, I'll switch to foam once my 3 month supply of the liquid is finished and
3. I've order a dermaroller and will start doing this once it arrives. I believe I'll respond well to dermarolling, because I had big zits when I was younger on my chest and one big zit on the crown of my head in my early twenties that required acutane (thank god I didn't get them on my face). So there is a spot in between my pecs that doesn't grow hair because of the zits and I believe it's the same issue on my crown, I think the wounding from the dermaroller will stimulate growth.

Future Plans
I'm hoping in the next 5 years some of the cutting edge treatments will be effective enough to regrow what I've lost

Any comments, suggestions, slices, whatever let's hear it.