I'm fairly certain it's too late.

[Zan]

I never really post on forums, but as I lay hopelessly in bed on this random night, it's becoming apparent that I can't do this alone. I suppose I'll begin by providing a brief description of myself and my sorry state of affairs.

I turned 18 one short month ago and I'm seeing signs of balding.

I took refuge in the thought of my 50 year-old father's full head of hair for the better part of my maturation, but I can only delude myself for so long. All of the males on my mother's side are bald or in the process of balding. I am now in the process of balding.

I should mention that I'm supposed to be writing one of my college essays right now. I'm looking to attend selective universities and I don't even feel motivated anymore. I'm almost too depressed to expend any energy. In a time where my life is supposed to be beginning, it feels as though it's already impaired.

All my life, I've taken pride in my full, blond head of hair. Save for my eyes, I don't have any physical characteristics going for me. I'm skinny, weak, and I hate my smile. Were I to lose my hair, which, evidently I am, I would simultaneously lose what little self esteem I have.

Though the discovery of my receding hairline was an ephemeral moment, the penalty will be for life. The gravity of this discovery has been ringing throughout my mind for a week now, and I can't take it much longer. Life dealt me a shit card early, and no amount of mental compartmentalization can save me from this.

I've yet to mention anything to either of my parents. I'm not prepared to share this with anyone right now; I'm in a bad state. The thought of what's to come is so morbidly depressing that I've been having nightmares. Some may laugh at how badly I'm taking this news but I really couldn't less. I'm being as blunt as I can because this is an anonymous forum and there's no sense in subduing my emotions in front of strangers.

I don't even want to think about the "solutions". Surgery terrifies me. Yes, there are other treatments that can slow hair loss, but they don't solve the problem.

In conclusion, I'm feeling really lost right now. I've made myself transparent because there's no sense in asking for help if I don't truthfully present you with my current situation. As I read this over, it seems as though I need more emotional advice than anything else. I suppose that what I'm looking for is others like myself. I want to hear from people who lost the characteristics that embody youth and good health when they were young and in good health. I really need something or someone right now.