Severely depressed

[follicallychallengedkid]

If there is anyone on this board that had to go through balding at a young age like me (I am 22), can someone please tell me how they were able to accept it? Or is it impossible to accept this horrid disease?

I have posted previously about my plan to have a HT done. Despite young age, I had done a lot of research and thought a small number of grafts could significantly improve my looks (i.e. lower hairline), but I guess I really was kidding myself. I decided to inspect my hair carefully after shower recently, and I had a shock of my life. Not only do I have a receding hairline (currently receded by about 1 inch), my entire crown and frontal area were thin. Wet hair really was able to give me a good picture of where I was heading.

If anyone had read my last post, I reported that I had seen a good result with Propecia+Minoxidil regimen – well, that was then, but I guess I am one of those horribly unfortunate people where the effect of the drug is EXTREMELY temporary. When I was about 4-5 months into my regimen, I had the best result with a fuller crown and a bit of new growth on the hairline, but that is fading off quickly and there is overall thinning all throughout.

I am severely depressed. I’m only 22, just got hired and was about to start a new chapter in life, and then this…
I haven’t slept for the past 2 days straight, just researching on this topic and educating myself that HT really isn’t for everyone. Since I’m no longer responding to Propecia and Minoxidil, and with a hairloss pattern that recently started to become more aggressive than ever, I really have no where to turn now. Just as I am writing this, a few of my hair has fallen on my desk – if you can call them hair. They are so miniaturized that they are hardly visible.

I knew I had the bald gene and accepted that – what had helped me get through each day was hope that my current regimen would allow me to at least keep what I have (not happening anymore), and the fact that I could restore my appearance by turning to HT when the time came. With that gone, I have nothing that I can hope for. At this rate, I could be well into NW5 or 6 in the next 2 years. Oh, and I have naturally fine and sparse hair, even when I was a kid. Perfect combination.

For the past few weeks, I haven’t looked myself into the mirror for longer than 2 seconds. When I catch a glimpse of myself, I feel destroyed and my heart just sinks. I have a big reunion with some school friends, and I can’t bear the throughout of showing myself like this. I thought about alternative ways – Avodart, stronger Minoxidil, or maybe even a wig. I will not risk being sterile to keep my hair, even if the probability is extremely low, and as for wigs – I won’t be fooling anyone. I’ve already received many comments about how I am balding. Turning up with a full head of hair one day would have them inspecting my hair and discovering that I am one of those “losers” that are unable to accept themselves – well I guess I am exactly that.

My so called best friend and I were outside recently and he pointed at a bald man nearby and said “are you gonna end up like that? That’s so digusting.” Digusting…

So please, can someone please help me learn how to cope with this? How am I supposed to lead a normal life when I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, let alone be seen outside without a cap? If you’ve experienced this, how did you learn to deal with it?