Have to discuss anonymously!
So it's been a while since I've last been on here and I need some advice. This isn't really related to anything hair loss wise, but I've had great advice from here and I need it again!
So I'd like to say I've been bought up quite harshly, beaten as a kid and generally a resentment of my father. I'm early-mid twenties now and generally Im ok when interacting with people.
My problem is when I face confrontation I feel really anxious and lock down, part of me thinks it's do to with how I was bought up, but I'm not 100% sure. I was always taught to obey and what was said goes.
In the work place there is this woman who is much older than me and has that commanding influence that I can't seem to shake off or confront. I really want to learn to combat this as I'll always be a walk over in life...how do I do this?
Would you guys recommend counselling to build up confidence or what?
Any advice/help would be welcome.
I have a lady at work that's always pissed off. I avoid her like the plague. It's always risk reward. Best way to handle conflict is to avoid it. Read some Dale Carnegie books. Another book by Robert Greene the art of war is pretty interesting (I listen to the audible book because it's pretty dry.
There's no trophy winning any conflict. She is not going to change. You have to eat a crap sandwich at times. I told my manager know one should wake up every morning and have to deal with her. He knew but his hands are tied. That's just the way it is at times.
No counseling. Be confident. Are you shy? I go to these meetup groups. No clue who these people are but it kind of forces you to interact more.
Hope I read your message right.
"48 Laws of Power" was the book I was thinking of.
It's difficult to confront someone you want love, affection or approval from. Every situation, for you, will be different, but mo doubt your interaction with your parents has shaped your interaction with everyone. Keep in mind, you're not the first man to feel unable to speak their true feelings (good or bad) around a woman.
First, you have to understand that every interaction with every being begins in and from your head. You can control your responses or at least your external expression- you likely do this every day. Have you ever been afraid of something but acted fearless so that it wouldn't notice? I've done this with animals. Part of that is convincing yourself you are not afraid of whatever that entity might be, and deep down, more often than not, we're not afraid of the entity so much as what we THINK might happen.
Ask yourself what you think might happen if your worst fears about this woman come true. Job loss? Rejection from other women? Try to understand the root of that specific fear.
OK, now here comes the fun part- perhaps something that may be unteachable. You have to imagine whatever that fear is coming true, detail by detail. If that woman fired you, would it kill you? If she spat in your face or told everyone at work you had a pencil eraser sized male organ, would you survive?
That's step one- getting an honest perception of your fear.
Step two, particularly with relationships, is something you don't know yet. You can make your life very miserable with dishonesty. You don't have to like everyone or get along with them, but if they do something that if you did to someone and it would be terrible, you have to let them know how it affects you or get out of their presence for good. You have just as much right to happiness as the richest man or 'hottest' woman, but you have to allow yourself that happiness by cutting out the crap in your life and being completely up front when someone rubs you wrong. You don't have to be harsh about it, but you have to stand your ground and believe it's worth standing for.
The opposite is what you really fear: never standing your ground and just being miserable for life. That WILL happen if you don't tuck that fear away and calmly stand your ground.
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