having trouble accepting it (fin has stopped working, but still having minor sides)
Hey guys, i've only posted on BTT about 5 times in the last 10 months. I am here to tell you that I am having trouble accepting that I am losing the battle to MPB. I am 24 years old and I have been losing my hair probably since I was about 21. My father didnt lose his hair until well into his 40's. My uncles on my mothers side are both in their 50's and have full heads of hair.
I am not sure what kicked off my MPB early. I took about a year worth of accutane and noticed my hair shedding at that point. This was a desperate and succesful attempt to cure my bad acne that followed me into to my 20s. It was really last January (about 1.5 years ago) that I noticed I was a diffuse thinner all throughout my head. I lost my mind, looking in mirrors constantly and taking photos with my iphone. I went to the Doctor who perscribed me nizoral and started minoxodil at 5% in about march of 2012.
Out of sheer desperation I finally took the finasteride plunge in August of 2012. The first 2 months on the drug were unreal. My hair returned to almost full thickness (about 80%). I used the big three all pretty steadily at this time.
I was a guy who was wary to start fin because of the side effects. I started taking the drug at a very low volume which was literally 1/4 pill of 1mg every five days. After upping my dose a bit in Novermber of 2012, I noticed the side effects (a growth in my chest, aching hips and a lower sex drive) so I cut back on fin severely. It took me about 10 months to get through my first full perscription of finasteride.
What began my final semester of univervisty in January 2013, started with me saying **** it, il shave my head. My hair had thinned out considerably over the winter break, and I was wary of taking more fin due to the sides.
It is ironic, that at this point in time I met the girl of my dreams. A european women that I am still dating right now. Over the winter, I wore hats everyday. I think my gf knows I have lost some hair, but she doesn't know how bad it is. We decided to do long distance over the summer (we have seen each other once for about 4 days and I had shaved my head to a one) but I am worried that when she gets back, she'll realize how much hair I have lost.
The worst part is, this is the girl of my dreams. She's perfect, like put a ring on it beautiful and just an amazing human being.
I can say that I have always been good with women in my life. I'm 24, I have travelled, I have had plenty of sex and have been lucky to meet some amazing girls in my life. I was lucky to be born with some nice genes and I have never had trouble attracting attention from the female sex. I look good in ball cap and I am pretty confident individual when dealing with the opposite sex.
I guess the point of this whole rant is that now, at 24 I face myself without about half of my hair and on my way to NW5 probably by the age of 26. If i grow my hair out, I can comb it over and fake it pretty good. I can also buzz it to a one, and not really get any questions but i look better with a hat on. The issue is this girl. She's one of the only women in my life I have felt intimidated by. At this point, she is way to pretty for me. I am worried that in our young relationship, she won't find me attractive. I couldn't see her breaking up with me right away, but sexual attractiveness and lust is such an important part of a relationship at my age. Why would she want to be with a balding guy long term? She loves sex and she loves men.
I think the worst part is, is that this whole thing feels like one massive dose of Karma. I know that I haven't stayed with women that I felt weren't as a attractive as I was. I had flings with girls and hurt there feelings when i left them. I was a total D bag when i was younger because I was insecure about my acne and I was lame enough (or self involved enough) to think that people liked that.
The worts part is, is that if I think to myself would I want to be with this beautiful European girl if she gained 25 pounds, I would probably say no (on a sheer attractiveness level). Are relationship is so new and sex is so important that I don't think I would want to be.
Long story short, I have decided to go back onto fin. Over the last month and a half I have upped my dosage. My hair feels stronger, but its still so thin and I am still losing it, just at less of rate. I get anxiety daily thinking about this stuff. I am absolutely head over heels for this girl. She's flying from her home country to my hometown in exactly one month. All I can think about is how my hair will look like when she gets there. All I can ask myself, is if she will still lust for me like she used to when she realizes how badly I am losing my hair. I question if she will stay with me while she finishes university and I live in the same city as her and work towards going to grad school.
This is killing me guys. I think I could deal with this in a decade, but right now it's just been to much. It feels unfair, but it sort of feels like it's justice to those that I have hurt in the past. Being a good looking young guy, I got away with things that I shouldn't have. I was never terrible to women, but I definitly hurt some feelings.
I am afraid I am going to be crushed by this girl and be without a head of hair all before I am 25.
sorry for the length, if anyone takes the time to read it, its just a massive vent. I know how lucky I am in the grand scheme of things. I am Canadian, i have a university degree and I can pretty well do whatever I want as I make a pretty good income working in the oil industry. It just kills me that this is all happening at my age. My sister and my mother tell me to man up and rock it, but I just can't let it go. The hat stays on and I am trying more Fin despite the side effects.
Yeah..... stop the fin.
Continuing on Finasteride despite side effects is retarded.
Ignoring sides for anything beyond 6ish months is when you are really starting to risk long lasting effects.
And not just the side affects you always hear about. Emotional changes may be theoretically possible in the long term.
There are other options anyway.
If this girl is an amazing human being, why are you so sure she will care?
Girls don't usually care so much about physical appearance.
I think you're attributing alot of your former success with women and your likeability with your appearance when it was probably more about your confident personality that everyone liked.
Since you're apparently so good looking, you will probably look fine without hair anyway!
It's us ugly guys that are f***ed without hair to hide our weird heads.
Plus guys who shave their head just get that respect of appearing not to give a ****.
Just if she even notices or mentions the hair, ask her directly if it bothers her.
On the other hand you sound like a very anxious person which means there's a chance that finasteride didn't affect you at all and instead the increased anxiety lowered your testosterone and brought on similar symptoms (may have happened to me).
Go see a sexual health doc and see what he thinks. Tell him about the anxiety as it is very relevant.
If it's anxiety decreasing it then it will show up as low Testosterone in a blood test. If it's finasteride then your blood test results would probably appear normal.
If both are true then... f***. You'd have to wait till you're no longer anxious to get any meaningful results.
Also, you already know this one but... stop being such a spoiled little b****. Most people in the world would kill to have your overall situation.
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