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  1. #31
    Senior Member mpb47's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigThinker View Post
    You exposed insecurities in a culture where men are expected to be strong, withstanding, and often uncaring -- especially early in the courting process.

    Earlier you figure that out, the better.

    Well I was hoping I would not have to resort to games, but I can put up a good front if that is what it takes....

    Will have to see if #2 goes anywhere, but I am not going to get too involved this time unless I see real interest. Honestly this online dating seems like a big long shot anyway.

  2. #32
    Senior Member mpb47's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Highlander View Post
    I say this from the most loving place possible mpb47, but did you ever consider that you may be mildly autistic? I get the feeling from a lot of your posts that you have significant issues with inter-personal relationships.
    Not a problem as it is not a curse and we all have to deal with the cards we are dealt . But yes around 4th grade I was tested for learning disorder. I was never told the results but my sister told me recently that they thought I had a mild learning disorder.

    I did decent enough on College entrance exams, better than several of my friends, who were admitted to the same college, but on academic probation, while I did well enough to be offered a military commission. Yet once they got in, they did just fine. One graduated cum laude while I struggled to survive. I just about washed out till I learned how to teach myself and then things started turning around.

    About 10 years ago I took 3 tests-but not in a professional setting so the results are not "official". One said high probability of ADD, one said high probability of Aspengers, one said IQ of 146. So yea there is probably something wrong with me. But despite that I have done pretty good for myself in everything but relationships and that's what I am trying to fix right now.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpb47 View Post
    Well that is a problem for me as I have always had trouble reading girl's intentions. I will think they like me and they want nothing to do with me. I don't think they like me and later find out they got miffed because I didn't do anything. The girl I have mentioned in several mpb threads (she likes it) is a good example. We knew each other as kids. We found each other again in college. Spend hours in her car catching up. Have lots of classes together always in same group in fact she is the one who wanted to do a class group presentation on mpb meds but that is a story for another day. She tells me all kinds of personal stuff - like she thinks she is fat and is saving for lipo . She is not fat at all -just had nice normal boobs/figure. She invites me to her apartment, we have a good time catching up but after while I get the feeling she is uncomfortable so I figure she is not into me and leave it at that. Well fast forward a couple of years later I hear through the grapevine she was made that I never pursued her. So I guess I got tired of trying to be a mind reader ....




    Well truth be told, I don't want to be an alpha nor a beta. Maybe this is weird but I have always thought relationships should be a 50-50 thing where no one controls the other. I know some women do not like this and that is ok as they are not for me.



    Well some of what you say has worked for me in the past , strictly by accident. A couple of times I ignored the girl , not to be rude, but didn't think I had a chance so did not want to waste any effort. I think if I tried to do it intentionally , it wouldn't work



    Yea just wish it was that easy. I just wish people didn't have to play games to get things going. I am not that way, but it sure seems like that is how things work.
    First off let me say that there are many guys out there that can empathize with your thoughts on this. It seems to me by reading your posts that you engaged in a lot of approval seeking behaviour with this woman. You also seem to have a bit of a contradictory approach when it comes to relationships. You admit on one hand that you would actively try to avoid doing something if you knew that she wouldn't like it while at the same time rejecting the suggestion of trying to portray a stronger version of yourself. Why are you willing to be a kiss *ss but not a more assertive version of yourself?? In either case you are putting up a false front which any woman will ultimately see through and lose respect for you. We've all been guilty of doing this at times so I'm definitely not trying to pick on you here. The best thing you can do for yourself is to work on your self-confidence. It will benifit you in every aspect of your life.

    On a side note, it sounds like the friend that you referenced has put you in the "friend zone" and you're stuck there unless you change your approach. In general, a woman who is sexually interested in you is not going to openly discuss her body issues with you. She's just looking for you to tell her she looks good to prop up her self esteem. If you're interested in reversing the situation start talking about other women in front of her and when she starts complaining about her looks or man problems tell her you charge $200 an hour for therapy sessions!

    You really seem like a genuinely good guy who is not a player so I'll share a tip with you that has worked great for me and is incredibly simple. The first time I hang out with a woman I always start out very early in the conversation by telling a ridiculously corny joke. It does 3 things for you. First, it subtly displays confidence because it's glaringly obvious that you are purposely telling a joke that you know is stupid and corny. If she laughs that tells you one of two things. Either she is into you or at least she is not too up-tight to laugh at a corny joke. If she doesn't laugh, you know something about her as well. It's a great screening process and puts you in control a bit more than trying to impress her from the start. Good luck to you my friend!

  4. #34
    Senior Member mpb47's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Highlander View Post
    That makes sense. Maybe you should research how people with similar problems overcome them? I'm sure there are good strategies and tips out there for how you can learn to better interact with people.

    Best of luck.
    Thanks ..day to day stuff is fine. You just watch human behavior and mimic it. TV helps as long as it is not over the top. Now it's no longer acting but who I am.

    The problem is mostly with relationships. If I make a joke, they think I am serious and get mad or otherwise don't understand the intent and get mad. If I say the sky is blue they swear I said the sky was red. So why not say nothing at all? Well to a degree, that works, but if you do it too much they think you are boring.

    BTW- you are the first person to ever figure it out. I wondered so I took those tests about 10 years ago.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diesel15 View Post
    First off let me say that there are many guys out there that can empathize with your thoughts on this. It seems to me by reading your posts that you engaged in a lot of approval seeking behaviour with this woman. You also seem to have a bit of a contradictory approach when it comes to relationships. You admit on one hand that you would actively try to avoid doing something if you knew that she wouldn't like it while at the same time rejecting the suggestion of trying to portray a stronger version of yourself. Why are you willing to be a kiss *ss but not a more assertive version of yourself?? In either case you are putting up a false front which any woman will ultimately see through and lose respect for you. We've all been guilty of doing this at times so I'm definitely not trying to pick on you here. The best thing you can do for yourself is to work on your self-confidence. It will benifit you in every aspect of your life.
    Well I went overboard on her because it had been a long time since I had met a girl I thought I truly liked and would be a good fit. At the time I did not think she was arrogant and everything else seemed pretty good so didn't want to let her get away if I could help it. And I never said I wouldn't put up a strong front, just said I don't like playing games...but it seems like you have to if you wish to succeed these days.


    On a side note, it sounds like the friend that you referenced has put you in the "friend zone" and you're stuck there unless you change your approach. In general, a woman who is sexually interested in you is not going to openly discuss her body issues with you. She's just looking for you to tell her she looks good to prop up her self esteem. If you're interested in reversing the situation start talking about other women in front of her and when she starts complaining about her looks or man problems tell her you charge $200 an hour for therapy sessions!
    She has been out of the picture for awhile now. Married and I think divorced

    You really seem like a genuinely good guy who is not a player so I'll share a tip with you that has worked great for me and is incredibly simple. The first time I hang out with a woman I always start out very early in the conversation by telling a ridiculously corny joke. It does 3 things for you. First, it subtly displays confidence because it's glaringly obvious that you are purposely telling a joke that you know is stupid and corny. If she laughs that tells you one of two things. Either she is into you or at least she is not too up-tight to laugh at a corny joke. If she doesn't laugh, you know something about her as well. It's a great screening process and puts you in control a bit more than trying to impress her from the start. Good luck to you my friend!
    [/QUOTE]

    Well I have tried jokes before and most of the time it doesn't seem to work.
    This one we are talking about loves to be frugal. When we met I noticed her car. Later I messaged her and told her if I had known she had such a flashly car, I would not showed up in my little car, but instead on my flashy bike. She thought I was serious and thought I thought I was better at saving money than she was. And got mad about it. Oh well, I thought I knew her but sure doesn't seem to be the same person I met last year. I can't log on to one site without it constantly trying to match us. Tonight I noticed she updated her profile..now she is saying she doesn't want non-Americans who can't speak proper English bothering her. I can respect someone having their likes and dislikes, but as smart as she is, you'd think she would have known better than post something like that on her profile for the whole world to see.


    Thanks for the tips... I get frustrated with all this but I am still going to try the game, but at a more reserved stance and see what happens...

  6. #36
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    Bang her a few times and move on. Don't get oneitis, especially with a chick you're not compatible with.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by akai View Post
    Bang her a few times and move on. Don't get oneitis, especially with a chick you're not compatible with.
    Well that window closed a good while ago. Now it's just a message from her every few months or so. So yea I had to move on, though I did noticed recently she wised up and removed her borderline racist remarks.

    Here is a ? for those of you on these dating sites:

    What is the right speed before you ask for their number or rather move things up a bit? I get mixed feelings on this. This second girl I have been talking with seems to want to take things really SLOW. I hear from her about once a week or so. About a week and a half ago, she said she was about to take a small vacation and would be around more often. I said great, lets go voice and have yet to hear back.


    On the other hand, about 2 weeks ago , I had some woman contact me and just said hey hows it going. We talk for maybe an hour or a little longer and I ended it with - hope to chat again soon. Well never another word since.

    So to me it seems like girl number 2 is wanting to go really really slow, if anything at all. While this other girl wanted something more, right then and now. Are girls all over the map like this?

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