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  1. #1
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    Default I have no choice; I am entering cocoon mode.



    I am sick of failing in the social sphere. I clearly have defects that need significant attention. I am cutting out all sources of my pleasure except for TV and music. The rest: video games, carbs, alcohol, (real) social interaction, etc. are all completely out the window. I WILL transform both body and mind. BTT will be my only social outlet for the next few months (this may be the most pathetic statement ever). I will spend my time outside of school and the gym by either reading or watching TV series. We're all gonna make it, brahs.

  2. #2
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    This is a bad idea man

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by nynex View Post
    This is a bad idea man
    Agreed.

    While I respect your commitment, you can boost all of those facets of your life while maintaining (or even promoting) a social life.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigThinker View Post
    Agreed.

    While I respect your commitment, you can boost all of those facets of your life while maintaining (or even promoting) a social life.
    I know, man, I know. I just get so depressed seeing other people with their friends and gf's. I recently had a falling-out with several friends so I basically have two left and they live a good three hours away now. I want to make new friends but the idea of rejection kills me. Someone saying that I am not good enough for them (be it for friendship or relationship) would tear me apart. I just don't ****ing get it. I have had a very attractive gf, I used to get comments on my appearance about girls finding me hot/attractive/whatever (this was before my acne and my eating problems), etc. but I am just completely unable to meet new people anymore. My personality must be incredibly off-putting or I have sunk so far into social retardation that there is no escape. I feel this is all necessary before I have the confidence to move on and meet others. I don't know anymore.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post
    I know, man, I know. I just get so depressed seeing other people with their friends and gf's. I recently had a falling-out with several friends so I basically have two left and they live a good three hours away now. I want to make new friends but the idea of rejection kills me. Someone saying that I am not good enough for them (be it for friendship or relationship) would tear me apart. I just don't ****ing get it. I have had a very attractive gf, I used to get comments on my appearance about girls finding me hot/attractive/whatever (this was before my acne and my eating problems), etc. but I am just completely unable to meet new people anymore. My personality must be incredibly off-putting or I have sunk so far into social retardation that there is no escape. I feel this is all necessary before I have the confidence to move on and meet others. I don't know anymore.
    I'd say move somewhere new (Mpls?), get some job that forces you to interact with co-workers and maybe customers/clients (barristo, barbacking, etc.).

    I'll admit, it's really difficult to just get up and move because of cost and time it takes to facilitate the transition. For me, moving to the city was the best thing I ever did. I got a job at a bar where I made new friends, in addition to the couple I made on campus. In the rural place I was before, I was just so depressed and bored.

    Work, while necessary for money, is such a great way to meet people who you have something in common with (you have the same position/responsibilities, put up with the same shitty customers, etc.). It really defuses the whole "getting shut down thing", as far as friendship is concerned.

    I can not stress how much better my life became when I changed I forced myself to enter a new crowd in a new environment. I'm sure it would have been considerably more difficult if I hadn't had the support of my family financially, but hope you can make the same transition with or without that.

  6. #6
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    Cocoon mode is a bad idea.

    Instead, I recommend finding something to get good at, that follows the following criteria:
    People respect you when you're good at it
    You enjoy it
    It puts you in contact with other people

    Some ideas:
    Find a musical instrument
    . If you're confident, choose one like flute or clarinet, as this will put you in contact with more females. Otherwise, guitar or piano.

    A sport. Running and swimming are recommended. Team sports such as soccer, basketball, and football as well. These have the added benefit of making you more aesthetic.

    A Job. Lifeguard, salesperson, barista, waiter all put you in contact with other people. Any job that builds camaraderie with your co-workers. Plus, make money.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigThinker View Post
    I'd say move somewhere new (Mpls?), get some job that forces you to interact with co-workers and maybe customers/clients (barristo, barbacking, etc.).

    I'll admit, it's really difficult to just get up and move because of cost and time it takes to facilitate the transition. For me, moving to the city was the best thing I ever did. I got a job at a bar where I made new friends, in addition to the couple I made on campus. In the rural place I was before, I was just so depressed and bored.

    Work, while necessary for money, is such a great way to meet people who you have something in common with (you have the same position/responsibilities, put up with the same shitty customers, etc.). It really defuses the whole "getting shut down thing", as far as friendship is concerned.

    I can not stress how much better my life became when I changed I forced myself to enter a new crowd in a new environment. I'm sure it would have been considerably more difficult if I hadn't had the support of my family financially, but hope you can make the same transition with or without that.
    I'm moving this summer to a new city. It, however, is causing me anxiety because both of my roommates (Now former friends. I am very angry with them. This goes back to my notions of rejection. When people reject me, I hate them for it. I can't help it; it's the way I think and perceive things. To contrast, I LOVE people that give me praise and attention. I would do anything for them) bailed on me and I now have to live alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheLaughingCow View Post
    Cocoon mode is a bad idea.

    Instead, I recommend finding something to get good at, that follows the following criteria:
    People respect you when you're good at it
    You enjoy it
    It puts you in contact with other people

    Some ideas:
    Find a musical instrument
    . If you're confident, choose one like flute or clarinet, as this will put you in contact with more females. Otherwise, guitar or piano.

    A sport. Running and swimming are recommended. Team sports such as soccer, basketball, and football as well. These have the added benefit of making you more aesthetic.

    A Job. Lifeguard, salesperson, barista, waiter all put you in contact with other people. Any job that builds camaraderie with your co-workers. Plus, make money.
    I know social isolation cannot solve things. But god, my issues with myself just make me feel so anxious in public settings. Today for instance, I really am liking my hairline (I think I am finally starting to see results from duta but that's for another time and thread) and I have very little acne. I FEEL FANTASTIC! I know however, that this is fleeting and soon my acne will return and I'll find something else to worry about. Thus, I will return to being unable to speak to people. I hope to enter a permanent state of liking my appearance through cocoon mode. It offers me the opportunity to stop focusing on social progression; something that causes me a great deal of fear and stress.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post
    I know social isolation cannot solve things. But god, my issues with myself just make me feel so anxious in public settings. Today for instance, I really am liking my hairline (I think I am finally starting to see results from duta but that's for another time and thread) and I have very little acne. I FEEL FANTASTIC! I know however, that this is fleeting and soon my acne will return and I'll find something else to worry about. Thus, I will return to being unable to speak to people. I hope to enter a permanent state of liking my appearance through cocoon mode. It offers me the opportunity to stop focusing on social progression; something that causes me a great deal of fear and stress.
    Yeah man. I know how that feels and I do believe it works. I usually try to opt for indoor labor jobs and I feel comfortable and safe. Recently, a buddy of mine got me doing sales in public at a bath/kitchen/vanity stuff type store. I walk around the back a lot and avoid customers and constantly stare at myself in the mirrors adjusting my clothes. The only time I am caught talking to customers is when my supervisor comes around. But **** is it nerve wracking and uncomfortable to talk to people all day. Its an hourly plus commission job and Im content with just the hourly pay if I get to avoid people all day. Give me some shit to do in the back stockroom you ****ers and stop putting me on the ****ing floor. The only advantage is its nicely ac for the summer so I can look my best all day long walking around in a dress shirt, chinos, and high tops. Lol

  9. #9
    Senior Member Davey Jones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post
    I recently had a falling-out with several friends so I basically have two left and they live a good three hours away now.
    You should explain this part. It sounds like you're trying to blame aesthetics while ignoring a real issue because aesthetics is easier for you to accept/fix. Why did you have a falling out with your friends? And would being fitter and having read more articals on the internet really have prevented it?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proper View Post
    Yeah man. I know how that feels and I do believe it works. I usually try to opt for indoor labor jobs and I feel comfortable and safe. Recently, a buddy of mine got me doing sales in public at a bath/kitchen/vanity stuff type store. I walk around the back a lot and avoid customers and constantly stare at myself in the mirrors adjusting my clothes. The only time I am caught talking to customers is when my supervisor comes around. But **** is it nerve wracking and uncomfortable to talk to people all day. Its an hourly plus commission job and Im content with just the hourly pay if I get to avoid people all day. Give me some shit to do in the back stockroom you ****ers and stop putting me on the ****ing floor. The only advantage is its nicely ac for the summer so I can look my best all day long walking around in a dress shirt, chinos, and high tops. Lol
    Yeah, I hate having to go out in public when I feel uncomfortable or anxious. I just hope it gets better as my treatments take hold and I make improvements. I don't believe I am familiar with your situation; where are you in your battle with hair-loss?

    Quote Originally Posted by Davey Jones View Post
    You should explain this part. It sounds like you're trying to blame aesthetics while ignoring a real issue because aesthetics is easier for you to accept/fix. Why did you have a falling out with your friends? And would being fitter and having read more articals on the internet really have prevented it?
    I'm not blaming aesthetics for my falling out with friends. That is more-or-less an unrelated issue and has to do with them bailing on me when I needed them. What I do blame on aesthetics, however, is my unwillingness to move on in my life and find new friends or pursue new women. I feel I cannot until I am happy with my appearance. You could be right, in that there is something else about me off-putting (I don't consider my appearance off-putting. I think I am good-looking and have potential, it's just that certain issues are holding me back from being as great as I could be). People have told me that I have an abrasive personality and that I appear snobbish before they get to know me. I think I give bad first impressions.

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