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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by mature View Post
    Always I have learned that any root of obession or emotional conflict the content is NOT what is important, it is not the sense of hair loss that is distressing, or the way you look etc.. It is always something deeper such as fear of not being good enough, feeling inferior or be little d, comparative to others, self criticism etc...

    People have a tendency to obsess over what is wrong or to wish they had something they don't, if it is not hair loss it could be something different.. Maybe you lost you're eye sight, a limb, etc.. Maybe a pyschological basis such as major depression or generalized anxiety disorder.

    Let me tell you from personal experience, I had been under the illusive suffering of the worst ends of OCD, Generalized Anxiety, Severe hours lasting panic attacks, and De personalization... Literally went from hell to back again multiple times... There is a sort of appreciation and intimacy with life that people gain going through severe circumstance and coming out the other end... I had studied and became very well educated on the nature of things like anxiety and depression, then I applied everything I learned and failed and failed again... It was a very up and down process but I have since fully recovered and will not fall into the mental trap of stuff like that again because I understand it. BDD actually falls under the category of anxiety spectrum dysfunctions and is very curable.. The constant checking and obsessing you are mentioning are exactly what is keeping the cycle going, you don't need to change to another faulty self image or anything ridicolous like that you just need to see yourself as you really are, without the judgement and analyze of you're own mind..

    My guess is there are some deeper emotional issues going on that are being manifested into this BDD you are experiencing, instead of pushing it away and getting in a vicious cycle look into it and see whats really going on and needs to be absolved.

    Most importantly every type of suffering produced is caused from the central point of mind or ego, It is the ways we go against the strides of what is really true and our delusions that lead us to suffering, self judgement being one of those.. If you are interested check out a book from Adyashanti on google called Way of Liberation and read the E book.. May give you exactly what you need if you are willing to try and fully apply it and see what happens.

    On another note no one should be that seriously concerned here about going bald permanently; true we are all at different stages of hair loss but by the looks of it in the next few years there will be a cure in the form of something so no need to fret.
    Great post. I know in my case, it likely stems from my depression and my desire for revenge. I spent my high school years fat and got no attention from girls. Now, after realizing I had an attractive face underneath the fat, I'm trying to maximize my aesthetic potential to both help my confidence and to get back at those that rejected me or would have rejected me. It's sick but I can't help but feel this way. And I realize I am a hypocrite, I want to punish others for being superficial but yet I am probably more superficial than they are. I'll check out that book sometime now that it's summer. I want to continue my journey but I would like to be somewhat happy along the way.

    Quote Originally Posted by NotBelievingIt View Post
    Since you clearly go to bb.com - you probably spend an inordinate amount of time in the 'mirin section of the guys even if you won't admit it. NO HOMO right? That has to be the god damn stupidest ****ing idiotic phrase that only sexually insecure little boys say - its quite funny how the first time I saw it with any regularity was on bb.com though.

    Anyway - Stop going to BB.com 'mirin. Right. Now.
    Are you insinuating that I'm gay? Just because I appreciate a physique for its form and beauty doesn't mean I am sexually-attracted to it. Truthfully, I think the male form is superior to the female form as art (something to appreciate visually) but, again, I feel no attraction towards it. And yeah, that's a world that's steeped in a lot of homo-eroticism. People discovering it for the first time have to say "no homo" because, to an outsider, it really does seem like a bunch of homosexuals are parading around and complementing each other.

  2. #22
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    No, definitely not dude. Just that you're likely spending "too much" time looking at photos of guys striving for something that you may likely never have and are holding yourself to an ideal that is just not realistically attainable by most.

    And a nekkid fem body is far more attractive as art then a guy, come on!! heh

  3. #23
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    [QUOTE=Aames;124432]Great post. I know in my case, it likely stems from my depression and my desire for revenge. I spent my high school years fat and got no attention from girls. Now, after realizing I had an attractive face underneath the fat, I'm trying to maximize my aesthetic potential to both help my confidence and to get back at those that rejected me or would have rejected me. It's sick but I can't help but feel this way. And I realize I am a hypocrite, I want to punish others for being superficial but yet I am probably more superficial than they are. I'll check out that book sometime now that it's summer. I want to continue my journey but I would like to be somewhat happy along the way.




    You can be happy, always, regardless of outer circumstance the physical body included.. What you are stating about revenge and such look deeper into that.. Do you think anyone really cares about all of these antics? Can't you just let it go and focus on better and more important things? I will let you in on a lil secret nobody really cares that much about other people in the realm of judgement and criticism everyone is too focused on themselves anyways.. People might say an off comment to people here and there but its just a bunch of nonsense, it is way better to just be unreactive and not care about what others think.. You can improve yourself but do it for you, let a deeper more stable confidence shine through you, something tempered and forged through some adversity and to completely disregard external opinions or judgements.

    You're depression sounds like it stems from self esteem issues as well, but that is all illusive as it is... Self Image is totally made up and doesn't exist the second you stop thinking it into life. Did you know that if people saw a clone of them selves walk by them they would not even recognize them? It is because our image of ourselves even when we look in a mirror is completely distorted to how it actually is in reality. You keep projecting being happy to future goals and bringing the sense of lack or anger onto you're looks when you should be focused on whats going on in the inside. You are a young person, you do not want to live the rest of you're life like this do you? It sounds to me like you are alive but not doing very much ACTUAL living, there is too much conflict, turmoil, and attachment to actually go out and enjoy yourself.


    I will tell you here and now the exact thing that is going on and how to fix it.. You have a distorted view and opinion about yourself and the people around you, it is nothing to do with whats going on in you're "life" that is causing you suffering, You're suffering right now is caused by you're beliefs and illusions of whatever thoughts you are falling into and believing as perceived notion of reality. This is why I suggest you do some inner searching and find each and every way you are deceiving yourself to arrive at this state of inner strife and emotional conflict, through self inquiry and contemplation. I think talking to the right person would help you immensely, life is no fun living when all you are obsessing and thinking about is how to keep things perfect and controlled.

    Maybe check out the movie Peaceful Warrior on Netflix too when you get the chance.


    Depression and anxiety both arise from a belief or distortion of thinking and reality that starts in the head, once it happens and symptoms start up it can be a downward spiral from there until you learn exactly how you are causing yourself to get caught in the vicious cycle to drop it.

  4. #24
    Senior Member drybone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldozer View Post
    Common man, it shouldn't be so bad. Look at me, I started balding at 13 and was a NW6 when graduated from university. All my classmates had full heads of hair. Imagine what a freak I used to look like, bald at such a young age. It was really embarrassing for me, but life went on, and I did very well academically. When I was in my early 20s, people thought I was a 35 year old guy. You at least have hair!
    Ok. This explains a lot.

  5. #25
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    [QUOTE=mature;124565]
    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post
    Great post. I know in my case, it likely stems from my depression and my desire for revenge. I spent my high school years fat and got no attention from girls. Now, after realizing I had an attractive face underneath the fat, I'm trying to maximize my aesthetic potential to both help my confidence and to get back at those that rejected me or would have rejected me. It's sick but I can't help but feel this way. And I realize I am a hypocrite, I want to punish others for being superficial but yet I am probably more superficial than they are. I'll check out that book sometime now that it's summer. I want to continue my journey but I would like to be somewhat happy along the way.




    You can be happy, always, regardless of outer circumstance the physical body included.. What you are stating about revenge and such look deeper into that.. Do you think anyone really cares about all of these antics? Can't you just let it go and focus on better and more important things? I will let you in on a lil secret nobody really cares that much about other people in the realm of judgement and criticism everyone is too focused on themselves anyways.. People might say an off comment to people here and there but its just a bunch of nonsense, it is way better to just be unreactive and not care about what others think.. You can improve yourself but do it for you, let a deeper more stable confidence shine through you, something tempered and forged through some adversity and to completely disregard external opinions or judgements.

    You're depression sounds like it stems from self esteem issues as well, but that is all illusive as it is... Self Image is totally made up and doesn't exist the second you stop thinking it into life. Did you know that if people saw a clone of them selves walk by them they would not even recognize them? It is because our image of ourselves even when we look in a mirror is completely distorted to how it actually is in reality. You keep projecting being happy to future goals and bringing the sense of lack or anger onto you're looks when you should be focused on whats going on in the inside. You are a young person, you do not want to live the rest of you're life like this do you? It sounds to me like you are alive but not doing very much ACTUAL living, there is too much conflict, turmoil, and attachment to actually go out and enjoy yourself.


    I will tell you here and now the exact thing that is going on and how to fix it.. You have a distorted view and opinion about yourself and the people around you, it is nothing to do with whats going on in you're "life" that is causing you suffering, You're suffering right now is caused by you're beliefs and illusions of whatever thoughts you are falling into and believing as perceived notion of reality. This is why I suggest you do some inner searching and find each and every way you are deceiving yourself to arrive at this state of inner strife and emotional conflict, through self inquiry and contemplation. I think talking to the right person would help you immensely, life is no fun living when all you are obsessing and thinking about is how to keep things perfect and controlled.

    Maybe check out the movie Peaceful Warrior on Netflix too when you get the chance.


    Depression and anxiety both arise from a belief or distortion of thinking and reality that starts in the head, once it happens and symptoms start up it can be a downward spiral from there until you learn exactly how you are causing yourself to get caught in the vicious cycle to drop it.
    Your posts are very enlightening, mature. Your choice of screen-name is incredibly appropriate. Could it be that my life is stagnating since I am trying to better myself out of hate and anger rather than self-love? I'm finding it incredibly hard to get over these feelings of bitterness and resentment for others for not accepting me for how I used to be. I feel that I must maximize my aesthetic potential to hurt them and prove them wrong. I feel that I must obtain this state before I can go out into the world and be truly happy. Perhaps I should look into therapy again but I find it so hard to open up in front of a live person. I more or less faked a recovery the last time I saw a therapist so I didn't have to see him any more. It's a lot easier for me to post my problems on the internet where I am a only a representation of my real self. What you are suggesting I do is CBT, is it not? Altering my thought patterns to be more positive?

  6. #26
    Junior Member gldngamer's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Aames;125210]
    Quote Originally Posted by mature View Post
    Your posts are very enlightening, mature. Your choice of screen-name is incredibly appropriate. Could it be that my life is stagnating since I am trying to better myself out of hate and anger rather than self-love? I'm finding it incredibly hard to get over these feelings of bitterness and resentment for others for not accepting me for how I used to be. I feel that I must maximize my aesthetic potential to hurt them and prove them wrong. I feel that I must obtain this state before I can go out into the world and be truly happy. Perhaps I should look into therapy again but I find it so hard to open up in front of a live person. I more or less faked a recovery the last time I saw a therapist so I didn't have to see him any more. It's a lot easier for me to post my problems on the internet where I am a only a representation of my real self. What you are suggesting I do is CBT, is it not? Altering my thought patterns to be more positive?

    My outlook towards life is very similar to yours Aames. how are you doing now btw? i know what your going through, its depressing and it sucks. Just wanted to say that i've got a skype account now, i tried messaging you but for some reason its blocked or something. Sorry for littering your post and going off topic but i hope to contact you soon mate,take care.

  7. #27
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    [QUOTE=gldngamer;125228]
    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post


    My outlook towards life is very similar to yours Aames. how are you doing now btw? i know what your going through, its depressing and it sucks. Just wanted to say that i've got a skype account now, i tried messaging you but for some reason its blocked or something. Sorry for littering your post and going off topic but i hope to contact you soon mate,take care.
    Yeah, I think walls are disabled now. Check my profile for my skype name. Hope to talk soon.

  8. #28
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    [QUOTE=Aames;125210]
    Quote Originally Posted by mature View Post
    Your posts are very enlightening, mature. Your choice of screen-name is incredibly appropriate. Could it be that my life is stagnating since I am trying to better myself out of hate and anger rather than self-love? I'm finding it incredibly hard to get over these feelings of bitterness and resentment for others for not accepting me for how I used to be. I feel that I must maximize my aesthetic potential to hurt them and prove them wrong. I feel that I must obtain this state before I can go out into the world and be truly happy. Perhaps I should look into therapy again but I find it so hard to open up in front of a live person. I more or less faked a recovery the last time I saw a therapist so I didn't have to see him any more. It's a lot easier for me to post my problems on the internet where I am a only a representation of my real self. What you are suggesting I do is CBT, is it not? Altering my thought patterns to be more positive?

    Thanks lol, Well I am stating rather then alter perceptions or change you're opinions just drop the whole thing, look at the ways you crucify yourself and burden yourself with the negative cycles of thought you get caught in.. You do not need to alter it to positive thinking you just need to learn not to be swayed by the ego and let it control and dictate you.. Just observe the patterns and then see when you can just drop it, enter into simply being present without thinking more and more. You are just putting external expectations and limitations on yourself that really seem to be never ending, once one goal is done then another is placed indefinitely and you won't be happy till you do them all.. That means you would be stuck in a permanent cycle of cynical limited potential and a life of mental shackles and chains.. Just drop all of it instead, Just say you are perfect and fine here and now and understand that happiness is an inner job. Definitely talk to someone if you feel up to it, opening up and being vulnerable is the only true courage after all, its easy to close yourself and put up walls everyone does it, go in the opposite direction and overcome the insecurities once and for all.

  9. #29
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    [QUOTE=mature;125271]
    Quote Originally Posted by Aames View Post


    Thanks lol, Well I am stating rather then alter perceptions or change you're opinions just drop the whole thing, look at the ways you crucify yourself and burden yourself with the negative cycles of thought you get caught in.. You do not need to alter it to positive thinking you just need to learn not to be swayed by the ego and let it control and dictate you.. Just observe the patterns and then see when you can just drop it, enter into simply being present without thinking more and more. You are just putting external expectations and limitations on yourself that really seem to be never ending, once one goal is done then another is placed indefinitely and you won't be happy till you do them all.. That means you would be stuck in a permanent cycle of cynical limited potential and a life of mental shackles and chains.. Just drop all of it instead, Just say you are perfect and fine here and now and understand that happiness is an inner job. Definitely talk to someone if you feel up to it, opening up and being vulnerable is the only true courage after all, its easy to close yourself and put up walls everyone does it, go in the opposite direction and overcome the insecurities once and for all.
    Your post makes a lot of sense but is this possible while still desiring self-improvement? I look at myself and I want to improve constantly, but I do not want it to consume me.

  10. #30
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    [QUOTE=Aames;125373]
    Quote Originally Posted by mature View Post
    Your post makes a lot of sense but is this possible while still desiring self-improvement? I look at myself and I want to improve constantly, but I do not want it to consume me.
    Here is where it is simple but can either make you suffer or just relax and enjoy things. IF you are trying to improve and strive for perfection this is delusional because it is in context to self image which is made up and whether it is good or bad its still illusive. The physical body is just like an empty vessel that you inhabit while here, there is no identification without self image. If you drop everything and forget about yourself you can still work on the body and do certain things, however there is no identity or sense of self involved in it. It is okay and perfectly fine to halt hair loss and be preventive, to work out and improve the physical vitality and strength, to better work the mind in IQ and intelligence, however its all just seen as kind of a game and you are completely unattached to it all. If you are constantly seeking improvement in the form of comparison or because of a slight feeling of being less then or inferior then it becomes neurotic and you get obsessive and compulsive. This turns something that should just be seen as fun and kind of a game into mental chains and shackles and a definite prescription of suffering. There are three ways human beings trick themselves into suffering, first is the false sense of needing to control everything. The second is wishing things were different, and the third is arguing with what is.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve the functioning or keep aesthetics as long as you are completely unattached and realize it is not you. Once there is no identity or sense of self there is no emotional turmoil or psychological suffering. You have to see the impermanence of things and realize everything comes to a pass, in terms of body when we age we all lose our looks that is just something that happens with age, you will not look as good at 70 as you did at 25.

    Hope this makes sense, it can seem a little too far over some heads if a person is too identified with their personal or collective conditioning.

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