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I just want to be normal....
I want to go out and laugh, meet girls, expand my social circle. Maybe get drunk or stoned and then do it all again until it's time to focus on school the next day. I want people to approach me, having heard some crazy story about my humorous antics, and want to be my friend. I want to have a personality that people actually like instead of despise or find rude/self-centered. What does this feel like? I would KILL to know. I feel like the longer I spend trying to improve my appearance, the worse I get mentally. School no longer matters to me, I just get good grades going through the motions. All I want is a balanced life. A life where everybody likes me and I don't have to spend thousands on hair loss, clothes, facial products, shoes, etc. It has been two years now since my breakdown and I have nothing to show for it. I'm still in "rebuilding" phase which I think is going to go on until my death. I want to stop it but I can't; I know far too much to ever stop. I think I am doomed to be unhappy and unsatisfied.
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