Suggestions for the girlfriend

[theGirlfriend]

Hello, guys. This is my very first post in the community. I hope you won’t find me out of place here!

I’m a girl, 24 years old, and my boyfriend, age 23, has MPB (dealing with it since the age of 16). He recently told me about his struggles with hair loss, how he's already had implants done and how he contemplates getting another surgery done somewhere along the next couple of years. We’ve been together for 1 year and I have always noticed how careful he is with his hair, but this conversation we had was an eye-opener. I never realized how his hair affected him. I feel a little odd bringing it up again, in case he might feel self-conscious and maybe even regret having told me in the first place.

This community seems to be pretty open about the issue, so I’d like to ask you all if you have any suggestions for me: is there anything in particular I could do or say to him to try and make him feel a little more comfortable in his skin? I’ve already told him his hair thinning doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but I certainly don’t want to brush off the issue as if it were unimportant; I want to make sure he knows that I am aware that it is an important subject to him, so I make it an important subject to myself.
Is it better for me not to mention it at all, unless he brings the subject up himself?

Also, I know touching his hair is a big no-no; is there anything else I should never do?

Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

[Aeroes]

It's really kind of you to be supportive of your partner in this scenario has MPB can create a lot of anxiety. Just let him here from you that you accept it and he doesn't need to feel self conscious around you. It will allow him to realize that it's not just his hair that your keeping him for, which for whatever reason most guys think is why women are with them, except for the judgemental women, but anyway :-) hope that helps.

[DepressedByHairLoss]

Hi "theGirlfriend", nice to see you post on here. Honestly, I kinda wish more women would post on here because as guys, a lot of what depresses us about hair loss is that we will be a lot less attractive in the eyes of a woman. We fear that we will not be able to go out with the good-looking women that we wish to because hair loss makes us unattractive in their eyes. Quite possibly, that's what your boyfriend could be feeling: that he is becoming less attractive in your eyes and perhaps wonders if you may view other men as more attractive than him because of his hair loss.

You seem to be a very empathetic and caring person just by coming on here and asking for advice because you're concerned about his well-being. I would tell him something like this: "I realize that hair loss can be a very depressing thing to deal with and I am very sympathetic with regards to your feelings on hair loss. But it's important for you to know it in no way diminishes my feelings towards you. I still love you and I find you very attractive with or without hair loss. And I will stand by you and will be there to support you if you find this to be very difficult."

[NotBelievingIt]

If touching is hair is a no no, he must be wearing concealer, I see no other real reason unless he's doing a Donald Trump comb over three times left of Sunday that will get majorly messed up.

[Morbo]

I think most outsiders often try to comfort balding guys by saying "you're not that bald", "at least you have more hair than..." or "you look fine", which generally is very bad advice. Most guys who are balding are more fearing for the inevitable and often think the outsider doesn't realize he will be completely bald and bad-looking in a very very distant future (1-2-3 years?) and might be dumped by the time he does. Make him realize, you'd even love him if he had zero hairs left.

Also hairloss is kind of a personal struggle about losing your identity. Whether you're a male of female at the end of the day your hair is one of your most defining physical characteristics and something he has lived with during his entire life. It's kind of a thing the 'sufferer' has to get over on his own.

[theGirlfriend]

Wow, I really appreciate your help!

If touching is hair is a no no, he must be wearing concealer, I see no other real reason unless he's doing a Donald Trump comb over three times left of Sunday that will get majorly messed up.

No, I've seen his hair up close. No concealer there. It looks quite thick, so I don't believe it's because he fears I might feel it thinning either... I think he doesn't like it because he feels the area is too sensitive maybe, that more hair might come off if I run my fingers through it? He has in the past said it had to do with the fact he felt his hair was too greasy, but now I'm not sure I truly believe that; I think maybe that was something he might have made up so he wouldn't have to talk about hair loss. Not sure.

As for the people who suggested leaving him, although I do appreciate a reply (whether it was to be taken seriously or not), I would not ever consider dumping him over this. And come at me with pitchforks and torches, but I actually want to someday be the mother of his children!

The whole thing is kind of interesting; you see, there is this other guy (a friend of ours, our age). I always playfully tell my boyfriend that this friend is gorgeous. And he really is. After the whole hair loss conversation I had with my boyfriend, I looked through some of our photos to try and see what he sees is so wrong with his hair. I ended up finding one picture with all of us together (the friend, the boyfriend and me) and I noticed that this friend is nearly completely bald over the top of his head. Given that this is something that my boyfriend has always been attentive to, I'm pretty sure he noticed this friend was pretty much bald since the day they met (1 year ago); I've known this friend for the same amount of time, have always thought he was hot, and just a couple of days ago did I actually realize his lack of hair. And to be brutally honest: I still think is as hot as before.

My boyfriend also told me when he was in his teens he went out with some girl and she made some remark about his hair, something along the lines of, "are you losing your hair?". Although I don't know her and absolutely hate her for making some comment that I now believe he will take with him for the rest of his life, in her defense, I think she didn't know it was a big deal to him... I think women in general have this idea that men get to be carefree and laid-back when it comes to looks. I personally had no idea this was such a huge issue in the male world. Women are always worried about cellulite, saddlebags, wrinkles, weight, shaving, etc. I think we often forget men have their insecurities with looks, too. So to any of you who has in the past heard some hurtful comment from a girl before, I hope you can try and do your best to brush it off. I think many of them don't mean to hurt you, and most probably don't even consider that it does.

[Aeroes]

You need to dump him ASAP, we need this disease to stop. You might reproduce with him and ultimately carry this horrible pain with you or your children. So the best option is to never date a bald guy so we can put an end to MPB. Or you can have him castrated, your choice.

what the ****?!!?!?! you've got it all wrong dude..what the hell.

[Tiger norwood's]

You need to dump him ASAP, we need this disease to stop. You might reproduce with him and ultimately carry this horrible pain with you or your children. So the best option is to never date a bald guy so we can put an end to MPB. Or you can have him castrated, your choice.

When you see replies like this, it is a reflection of these individuals self image more than anything. It is not because they have bad personalities, but because they feel that hair loss makes them less valuable human beings. This underline the fact, that hair loss can have massive impact on a persons self esteem and quality of life in general.

[theGirlfriend]

When you see replies like this, it is a reflection of these individuals self image more than anything. It is not because they have bad personalities, but because they feel that hair loss makes them less valuable human beings. This underline the fact, that hair loss can have massive impact on a persons self esteem and quality of life in general.

Exactly why I mentioned I didn't know if I should take it seriously or as a lighthearted joke... I'd rather take it seriously for the sake of people who actually do believe in this. But I honestly could not possibly even consider not being with somebody because of their hair.

[FearTheLoss]

hair doesn't make or break somebody...in 20 years neither of you will be that good looking..you will be old and aging, so make sure you are with someone because of who they are.

That being said, we are very close to some breakthrough treatments and chances are in 10 years being bald will only be a style choice.

[baldozer]

You need to dump him ASAP, we need this disease to stop. You might reproduce with him and ultimately carry this horrible pain with you or your children. So the best option is to never date a bald guy so we can put an end to MPB. Or you can have him castrated, your choice.

By the time, they have a kid and the kid grows up, there would definitely be a cure for baldness, so I don't think that is an issue!

[dex89]

in 20 years neither of you will be that good looking..you will be old and aging, so make sure you are with someone because of who they are.

That is so true.

OP, follow these easy rules and he'll wife you up soon .

- Don't touch his hair

- Don't ever talk about hair loss, even though your favorite actor is balding.

- Don't ask questions about the hair medication his taking.

- Don't look at his hair.

- Don't give him any fashion hairstyle tips

lol I feel like I'm forgetting a couple of other rules. Oh and OP, don't listen to highlander, his a sad lonely ugly virgin.

[Tiger norwood's]

Vow, what an insecure wimp! I am bald but no worries! I know my wife is happy the way I am.

Good to hear, that you are confident about your hair loss and that you found a woman the likes you for who you am. It is not everybody who are equipped to deal with hair loss that way, and that is why we have a forum like this to help each other cope with it.

[Morbo]

Men who want a monogamous relationship aren't that much bothered about MPB or looks in general.

That's an odd thing to say. I'm a single guy looking for a monogamous meaningful relationship and I care.

[Winston]

Girlfriend, let me first say that your boyfriend is a very lucky man! I love to see posts like this and in my experience your attitude concerning hair loss is far more common than some participants in this community care to believe.

Simply by letting your boyfriend know how you feel about him, while acknowledging the pain that he is going through will help him more than you can imagine.

For most men, hair loss is a defining moment in their lives, and for some it can be crippling. However, it is far from a death sentence and most find ways to cope and learn to live happy, successful lives.

I want to thank you for your contribution to this community. This thread will help many young men who fear that they will be forced to live less fulfilling lives and face imminent rejection from attractive women simply because of their hair loss. This thread will also serve as a catalyst for change for this community, which was developed to serve as a support group and not a place of hatred and discouragement.

We all develop a perception of our "place" in this world that is usually based on our early life experiences. We develop a sense of whether we feel adequate, competent and even lovable pretty early one in our lives. For those who view themselves negatively, the first stages of hair loss can have a much more profound impact on their self worth than it might have on a person who had an early sense that they fit in well in this world.

It makes me very sad to read some of what is written by an extremely small minority who participate on this forum. They may have allowed this mindset to destroy to their own lives, but is is not fair to others who come here for support to allow this type of thinking to further permeate this forum.

While we have all felt inadequate at various times in our lives, and hair loss can certainly effect the most confident among us, this is not a platform to project self loathing and hatred, and this is not a place to attempt to destroy the self worth of others.

I will be posting an updated set of rules and policies for this message forum. All posts that do not fit within the parameters of these guidelines will no longer be hosted on BTT. Members who ignore these policies will have their accounts put into moderation.

I want to thank you again Girlfriend for starting this thread. It will help more young men than you realize. Your posts are testimony to the fact that hair loss does not take you out of the game, and that there are plenty of really good people left in the world.

Thank you!