Need advise on how women think...
I am trying to figure out what went wrong with a relationship that never was.
If anyone has been in a like situation, I would appreciate interpreting what happened and what this girl was saying to me. Long story so keep it as short as I can.
Friend pushed me to get on several dating sites to get back into living again. I had been very sick...gained a bunch of weight but when health restored things were turning around...lost the weight looked decent again..so why not.
I had only been on one site for a few weeks when a girl contacted me...it was too good to be true as she met all 3 of my needs: nice looking, nice person, high iq. Better yet she was into the same interests as me ...one of which is rare for women (IT).
One thing that would be repeat itself would be how the girl would seem interested, then pull away, only to return later. I think this was due to the fact that she was under stress...going through a divorce and family problems, but regardless it was back and forth and confused me.
so after the first pull away and return we meet for our first date. I thought things went really well....but I often misread women so who knows for sure.
At that point she seemed to pull away again for a week so I contacted and asked her if anything was wrong. she said she had been out of town....and that turned out to be true but still seemed pulled away. Around this time or maybe shortly later, I just came out and told her if she found me unattractive, to just say the word and no hard feelings. But she wouldn't say a word..only that she had just got divorced and didn't want any relationship with me or anyone else..and was thinking of getting off the dating sites. Fair enough...but maybe a month went by and she was contacting me again.,,,we finally had a small fight and that is when she told me she was not interested in dating me....that when we met I said some things that she knew we would not be a good fit. Says she has a good friend that would be a good match for me. What did I say that was so wrong? Only thing I could think of was some jokes that she took as serious..for someone so smart, she did not get the concept of deadpan.
So at that point (late OCT) I figured that was it..last time I would hear from her.
But over the holidays, she appears yet again..this time depressed and sounded like she needed a friend. I talk to her and tried to cheer her up- nothing more. Well she later emails me and thanks me , but then adds how we are just friends and how on paper we were a good match, but once we met there was nothing else there. What the heck does that mean and why did she bring it up? She brings up her friend that would be a good match for me. I asked how she knew she would be a good match for me since she really didnt know me that well. no response.
I guess I am looking for some kind of explanation of where I went wrong. Next time I won' be telling any jokes till I know them better but other than that I can't see what I did wrong. I try to learn from mistakes and want to know what the heck she meant ..any ideas?
Some of my friends think I was in a no win situation as she had just been dumped by hubby #2 I do agree that was part of it, but I still think there was something about me she did not like and just trying to figure out what it was....
This is a very offensive unsubstantiated claim.
Originally Posted by Highlander
Well she was honest upfront about some mental issues but it was nothing to get worked up over. I have noticed these quirks in other girls with high iq's-the one I mention in the mom>son thread is same way. I can deal with that- what I can't deal with and one area I seem to go wrong is communication. If I say the sky is blue they honestly think I said it was red. A joke is taken as being serious or even worse as an insult.
Originally Posted by Highlander
Well in the beginning you were right as I was probably a bit over the top. It was the first time in a long time I was happy and it looked like things were turning around. Also had too many "almosts" and didn't want this one to get away. A friend told me early on that I may have blown it because of this, but if not, to tone it down, which I did.
Oh, and you sounded way too beta and available. Tell her to get ****ed if she's playing games like that. Don't be a little bitch to her. Be the man, not her shoulder to lean on.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to find someone, just that you'll have your work cut out unless you compromise a lot. Good luck though.
Well I think you are right , but I think that is true no matter who you are. A women helped me fix my profile to condense it and make it more appealing. Afterwords she said it was much better and communicated who I was clearly. But then she added that because of who I am (geek), it was going to be harder to find a match. Harder, but not impossible. And I think she was right as the whole time I was trying to date this girl I had other women approach me- One liked my profile so much she asked if she could add me as a "favorite" . But the second I mention geek she vanishes and removes me as a favorite. Another one was , more recently, was much nicer about it. She showed initial interest then quickly said it wouldn't work. Told her I was trying to learn where I was going wrong and would she mind telling me what was wrong...and in so many words she nicely said it was the geek thing.
Oh and FWIW, hair has never been an issue for me. Relatively speaking I am still way ahead of the game ....as there is a large thread on this site about mpb and if it matters. Subjective observation I am sure, but one thing I noticed is there seems to be a crap load of bald guys around my age. And by that I mean bald to the point that there is no way to conceal it.
The common theme seems to be that meds do not work and there is no use trying to fight it-so they didn't . Even the women seem to think that as well..some even seemed turned off if you try to fight it.
And some said that hair was just a bonus if a guy still had it- like they automatically assume all the guys my age would have mpb.
I know I don't need hair at my age to get women- I want it for self esteem.
But I just figured that more guys would try to avoid/delay mpb but that does not seem to be the case..least on this site.
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